Jim

I'm taking some time off from work'well, my other work'because we needed it.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58505

Pam

It's great.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58506

Jim

It's great.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58507

Pam

The phone has been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58508

Jim

But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58509

Pam

Nice morning, too.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58510

Jim

Beesly! Oh, my god.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58511

Andy

Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58512

Jim

Ah, definitely blue.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58513

Andy

Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58514

Jim

For now, yeah. I was spreading myself way too thin'

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58515

Andy

Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58516

Jim

Uh, well, it took me a while, but I finally realized that I can't give 100% to two things at once you know.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58517

Andy

Tell me about it, you know? I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58518

Jim

Huh. Well, you know, you can't have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what's most important. That's my new thing.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58519

Oscar

Is everything ok?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58520

Angela

No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58521

Kevin

Wait, all of them?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58522

Angela

Two sacks' worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58523

Oscar

That's'that's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58524

Angela

It's the that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58525

Kevin

I've never met anyone like that.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58526

Angela

And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58527

Oscar

Angela, you still have your son.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58528

Angela

I guess.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58529

Dwight

Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. Basher, Thrasher, Crasher and'

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58530

Jim

Smasher!

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58531

Dwight

Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58532

Dwight

I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58533

Dwight

I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58534

Jim

Fireball!

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58535

Dwight

Ah! That's how it's done.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58536

Jim

That's pretty good. I feel safe.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58537

David Wallace

Hey, Erin. Is Andy in?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58538

Erin

Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said 'is Indian' and was like, 'Is Indian what?' Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58539

Erin

Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58540

Erin

Yes, there's Andy! Andy is in. I'm a good receptionist, I know he's in.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58541

Andy

David Walrus, in his native habitat.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58542

David Wallace

Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58543

Andy

Yeah.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58544

David Wallace

This isn't going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, 'The kind that's good for head shots.' And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's gonna boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58545

David Wallace

Andy'

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58546

Andy

I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58547

David Wallace

Uh-huh, but'

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58548

Andy

Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58549

David Wallace

So you think you've been too focused on your job?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58550

Andy

At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58551

David Wallace

So you'you want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58552

Andy

Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I don't'it just' I owe it to myself and my future fans.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58553

David Wallace

Uh, well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58554

Andy

Thank you, David.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58555

David Wallace

There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58556

Andy

Nope. I have made up my mind. I'm really sorry.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58557

David Wallace

Well, good luck.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58558

Andy

Thank you. Not gonna need it.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58559

David Wallace

Okay.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58560

David Wallace

Well that kind of worked out.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58561

Creed

I think just anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58562

Jim

Oh, Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58563

Clark

Right. Yeah. But, you know, I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like I've earned this. I mean, you know?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58564

Jim

You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I'm here.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58565

Clark

Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58566

Pam

Wow.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58567

Clark

All right, Jim, look, I just got made junior salesman. Right? And'and Wallace is here today. And I don't him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58568

Pam

it's okay. You can sit in the annex.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58569

Jim

What?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58570

Pam

I'll come visit you.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58571

Jim

Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58572

Clark

That's fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58573

Andy

Everyone, a little breaking news for ya. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, I'm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin, forever.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58574

Oscar

I can't say we didn't see it coming. But it's a sad day when anybody is fired. We're so sorry, Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58575

David Wallace

Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58576

Andy

I wasn't fired. What are you talking about? I'm fired up, yes. Guys, I'm'I'm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58577

Pam

Oh, Andy.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58578

Andy

Yeah, so, I'll see you on the red carpet. See, that's how it works.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58579

Phyllis

Andy sings beautifully. And he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58580

Jim

Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58581

Pete

Yeah, a little bit.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58582

Jim

Oh, wow. But, um'Oh, I get that.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58583

Pete

Oh, no, no, no. No it's cool.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58584

Jim

I get it.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58585

Pete

It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58586

Jim

Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58587

Darryl

I just think you're going into this a little fast.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58588

Andy

I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58589

Darryl

Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58590

Andy

All right. I get it.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58591

Andy

The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel, that's chick stuff. So instead of saying, 'Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave.' You say something like, 'Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented.' Well' right back at you, Darryl.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58592

Andy

I'm gonna miss you too. Mmm!

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58593

Stanley

Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58594

Kevin

Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird, in the park, that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to cause the park is free!

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58595

Sensei

I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58596

Dwight

He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58597

Sensei

It's not a large room, I think they heard me.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58598

Dwight

Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58599

Sensei

That's really ok. I'm mostly focused on the belt here.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58600

Dwight

Just slip it off my'Slip it off my hips.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58601

Sensei

Hold it'Take a step back. Take a step back. Okay, okay. I can't'I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58602

Dwight

He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58603

Angela

Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. It felt like I was flying.

Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58604

"Livin' the Dream" Quotes