Every line from The Office season 9, episode 12, in script order. First aired January 24, 2013.
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Phyllis
Wait. This says 'Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge'?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55978
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Dwight
This -- uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55979
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Oscar
'Loyalty pledge'?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55980
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Darryl
Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55981
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Dwight
Yeah, we'll see about that.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55982
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Dwight
Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? 'Infuriating, irresponsible'...
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55983
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Clark
They got us set up with Windows 95, so you're kind of dreaming here.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55984
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Dwight
Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55985
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Dwight
Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55986
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Kevin
Ooh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55987
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Dwight
Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority-- the client.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55988
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Mr. Romanko
I wouldn't say a rage.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55989
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Darryl
Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55990
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Mr. Romanko
Thank you. Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55991
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Dwight
No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl? L--
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55992
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Darryl
Loyalty.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55993
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Dwight
Loyalty.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55994
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Nellie
Loyalty is exactly right.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55995
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Dwight
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55996
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Nellie
Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55997
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Stanley
That's none of your damn business.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55998
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Nellie
Darryl is 'dating' Dunder Mifflin.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 55999
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Darryl
Darryl is dating Val... still.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56000
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Nellie
But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56001
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Mr. Romanko
I'm sorry. Do I still need to be here?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56002
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56003
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Nellie
I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's-- let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56004
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56005
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Nellie
So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56006
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Creed
Let's try it out.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56007
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Nellie
No, let's-- let's-- let's not say Creed. Let's say Mr. X.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56008
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Angela
Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56009
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Erin
Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56010
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Angela
Yes. And he didn't like it.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56011
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Phyllis
Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56012
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Kevin
Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56013
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Dance Teacher
Ladies and gentlemen, the Little Ladybug Ballerinas.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56014
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Ballerinas
One, two, three.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56015
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Parent in Audience
Really?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56016
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Pam
Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56017
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Ballerinas
One, two, three.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56018
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Pam
Hello? Yes, this is Pam Halpert. I got the mural? Oh, my God!
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56019
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Audience
Shh!
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56020
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Pam
Um, I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter's a ladybug. I know that doesn't make any sense. Um, thank you, thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56021
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Parent in audience #2
You're very rude.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56022
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Parent in audience #1
Yes, very rude.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56023
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Pam
Shh! Kids are dancing.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56024
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Dwight
Thank you so much for coming. Darryl and I will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. So, should we go call Jim and tell him to go screw himself?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56025
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Darryl
Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56026
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Dwight
It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56027
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Darryl
It can.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56028
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Dwight
Are you pretending to be crazy, huh?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56029
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Phyllis
Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete - he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56030
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Erin
I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56031
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Meredith
Yeah right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56032
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Oscar
People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56033
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Erin
Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56034
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Pete
That is correct. Come on, guys, where is this even coming from?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56035
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Kevin
Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your penis.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56036
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All
[groan]
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56037
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Erin
Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56038
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Nellie
I suppose that will-- that will be all right, yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56039
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Nellie
Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56040
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Investor
Listen, I appreciate you taking the time with me.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56041
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Co-worker
Peter, please. We completely understand your concerns here. Let us just show you the latest projections. Jim?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56042
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Jim
Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s--
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56043
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Jim
Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56044
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Pam
Hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. Cece did great, and I want to tell you something.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56045
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Lonnie
Hey boss, you gotta jump on a delivery.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56046
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Darryl
I don't do that anymore.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56047
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Lonnie
That's what they told me.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56048
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Darryl
[sighs]
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56049
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Darryl
All right, let's get this over with.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56050
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Dwight
You looking for fun? It just found you! Woo! Here we go! Yeah!
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56051
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Dwight
Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun!
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56052
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Darryl
How far is this place?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56053
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Dwight
Uh, not far at all, but I thought along the way, we could play some sports.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56054
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Darryl
Fun.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56055
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Toby
Hey, really nice job in that meeting in there.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56056
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Nellie
Oh, thank you. I don't know, I sort of thought--
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56057
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Toby
So proud of you, Hon.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56058
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Nellie
Oh, I don't know. Okay.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56059
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Toby
I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56060
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Nellie
Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I-- I just sort of felt I owed him one.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56061
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Toby
Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56062
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Nellie
I didn't really think about it like that.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56063
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Toby
Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56064
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Nellie
'What we have'?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56065
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Toby
Mm-hmm.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56066
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Nellie
I just remembered... I kissed that man. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56067
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Dwight
Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56068
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Darryl
They have fast food in Philly.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56069
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Dwight
Not like this.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56070
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Darryl
Exactly like this.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56071
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Fast Food Worker
And your milkshake.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56072
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Dwight
Thank you.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56073
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Darryl
It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a mildshake?
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56074
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Dwight
Nope. Fire in the hole! Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about!
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56075
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Dwight
Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k-- We have to go.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56076
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Darryl
You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage.
Season 9 · Episode 12 · Line 56077