Every line from The Office season 8, episode 7, in script order. First aired November 10, 2011.
-
Kelly
I'm gonna write something mean on his wall.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47709
-
Pam
No, Kelly, don't.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47710
-
Dwight
The male reveals attraction through unconscious and involuntary physical signs. The puffing of the chest, mirroring, increased blood flow to the crotch. I say we start there.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47711
-
Pam and Kelly
With the crotch?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47712
-
Dwight
With the crotch.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47713
-
Kevin
Whoo!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47714
-
Dwight
Psst. We're not here.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47715
-
Creed
Who said that?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47716
-
Dwight
Exactly.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47717
-
Creed
How'd I get this long triangle?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47718
-
Dwight
Okay, just shut it.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47719
-
Pam
Is he puffing out his chest?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47720
-
Dwight
I can't tell. It's unnaturally sunken. Busted. He just was mirroring. Did you see that?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47721
-
Pam
No. Maybe he just said something funny.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47722
-
Dwight
Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47723
-
Pam
I think he's just making her laugh.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47724
-
Dwight
Time for me to find out.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47725
-
Pam
Why's he making her laugh so much?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47726
-
Dwight
Just going to walk over here- whoa, whoa, I'm slipping and falling! Oh, stumbling, I need something to grab on to!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47727
-
Jim
Dwight!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47728
-
Cathy
Are you okay?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47729
-
Dwight
I'm fine, I'm totally fine.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47730
-
Jim
Dwight! Dwight!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47731
-
Dwight
Yes? Wha- Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47732
-
Jim
Sorry about that.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47733
-
Dwight
Aw, cramp, I'm just-
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47734
-
Jim
Dwight! Why?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47735
-
Dwight
I'm sorry, I fell down, Mr. Balance.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47736
-
Jim
Leave.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47737
-
Dwight
Does your husband have very soft erections? Because if not, I just grabbed a very soft penis for nothing.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47738
-
Pam
Why was he making her laugh so much?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47739
-
Pam
Oh, hey, I'll just be a second.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47740
-
Cathy
Yeah, take your time.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47741
-
Pam
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47742
-
Cathy
Oh, that line from Zoolander?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47743
-
Jim
Mm-hmm?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47744
-
Cathy
It was from a deleted scene so we were both right.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47745
-
Jim
Told you.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47746
-
Cathy
Um, do I hand in my expense reports to a particular accountant or-
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47747
-
Pam
Oscar, Cathy has a question!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47748
-
Cathy
Sorry, um, I'll just go ask Oscar.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47749
-
Pam
Yeah?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47750
-
Jim
You okay?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47751
-
Pam
Why won't you just admit that she's attractive? It's kind of annoying that you won't say it.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47752
-
Jim
Okay, what can I do to make you believe me?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47753
-
Pam
Well, Dwight had this idea, and I thought it was kind of crazy. But maybe that's where we are now.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47754
-
Dwight
She called it crazy? Aw, man, that's insulting. All I did was propose a makeshift lie-detector test. Monitoring his blood pressure, pulse, perspiration, and breathing rate.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47755
-
Pam
Yeah, its nuts. But I don't know what else to do.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47756
-
Dwight
And she called it nuts?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47757
-
Darryl
Seriously, that was hot. Feel like you and the newsman had a groove going.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47758
-
Kevin
Mm-hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47759
-
Andy
Did you know that Lisa toured with Chaka Khan?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47760
-
Kevin
Are you serious? From Star Trek?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47761
-
Darryl
Hey, you caught some of that?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47762
-
Val
I caught it.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47763
-
Darryl
What, you don't like the blues?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47764
-
Val
I might enjoy seeing you guys play the blues.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47765
-
Andy
Well, we are playing. We're all playing together. These are our jam buddies. It's a jam session. We go where the music takes us.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47766
-
Val
I think the music left without you.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47767
-
Dwight
Come on.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47768
-
Jim
Stop shoving me.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47769
-
Dwight
Stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up. Take off your jacket and take a seat. When it lies, the human body exhibits many telltale signs.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47770
-
Jim
Really?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47771
-
Pam
This could all go away if you just tell me the truth.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47772
-
Old Man
Uh, are you all in line?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47773
-
Dwight
Why don't you go check out the sympathy cards, old man? Now I'm going to ask you just a few simple questions. Wait for this to constrict. Here we go. Is your name Jim Halpert?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47774
-
Jim
Si.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47775
-
Pam
Wait, that's it? That's the question you're going to ask him?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47776
-
Dwight
We have to start with a baseline question to establish what the truth is.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47777
-
Old Man
You have to share the machine with others.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47778
-
Dwight
Well, that's what they taught me in my 19th century kindergarten.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47779
-
Jim
Okay, Dwight, come on. You can go first.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47780
-
Old Man
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47781
-
Dwight
Jim, are you serious?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47782
-
Jim
Oh, you know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47783
-
Andy
Maybe we could switch instruments.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47784
-
Kevin
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47785
-
Andy
Cause, uh, my body's starting to get bruised.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47786
-
Darryl
Yeah, maybe everyone move one instrument to the right?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47787
-
Andy
We had to leave because of creative differences.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47788
-
Darryl
Yeah they kind of had a specific sound that didn't really fit in with our thing.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47789
-
Kevin
Guys, this means they're Kevin and the Zits now.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47790
-
Darryl
No man, we are.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47791
-
Andy
Well-
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47792
-
Darryl
No, no, no.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47793
-
Dwight
Okay, you're done.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47794
-
Old Man
I have a new heart, you know.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47795
-
Dwight
Do you really, Tin Man? Okay, where were we?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47796
-
Jim
No, I'm not worried. Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. And when she gets her body back and her confidence back... yes, I will tell her the truth. That I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. But in my defense, he was grabbing my crotch fairly aggressively at the time.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47797
-
Dwight
Do you find Cathy Simms attractive?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47798
-
Jim
No.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47799
-
Dwight
Yep, he's lying.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47800
-
Pam
Ah, see, was that so hard?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47801
-
Jim
I am not lying.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47802
-
Pam
Really?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47803
-
Jim
Pam, are you really gonna listen to his stupid homemade test?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47804
-
Dwight
I would listen to my homemade test, because your husband is definitely lying. In fact, he's lied about every question. Even his name. Who are you really?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47805
-
Pam
Wait, what?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47806
-
Dwight
Look at the numbers. Every single time, it's come up 150 over 100. Your husband is a pathological liar.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47807
-
Pam
Jim, you have high blood pressure.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47808