Every line from The Office season 8, episode 7, in script order. First aired November 10, 2011.
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Kevin
We're called Kevin and the Zits.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47609
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Darryl
That was never agreed upon.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47610
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Robert
I miss being in a band.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47611
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Andy
Miss no more! What do you play? Join us!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47612
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Kevin
I have a tambourine.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47613
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Robert
Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47614
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Andy
CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47615
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Robert
I play harmonica. I think I have one in the car.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47616
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Andy
Great!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47617
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Kevin
Nice guys, Robert is going to be a Zit!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47618
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Darryl
Again, never agreed upon.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47619
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Andy
I had totally given up on hanging out with Robert California and now he wants to be in our band! And when you're in a rock and roll band with somebody, you're bonded for life!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47620
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Darryl
Usually that life is short and tragic. That's okay, right?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47621
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Andy
Yeah, even cooler.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47622
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Kevin
We all got to go sometime.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47623
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Pam
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47624
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Jim
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47625
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Pam
Helen Mirren. Hot?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47626
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Jim
Yeah. Super pretty.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47627
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Pam
Huh. What about Cathy?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47628
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Jim
The temp?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47629
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Pam
Yeah. Do you think she's hot?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47630
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Jim
Nope.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47631
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Pam
I'm not asking if you're in to her. Just, objectively, do you find her attractive?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47632
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Jim
And I'm telling you, I don't.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47633
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Pam
You don't find Cathy attractive?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47634
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Jim
No, I don't.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47635
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Jim
No, I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47636
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Pam
Look at her. Even I want some fries with that shake.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47637
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Jim
Okay. Uh, I don't. So are we good?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47638
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Dwight
That's just absurd.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47639
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Pam
Yes, because she's hot, right?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47640
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Dwight
Her breasts are large, her waist is small, her reproductive health in ample evidence. And facial symmetry- come on.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47641
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Pam
The thing about pregnancy is people treat you differently. Like you're a kid almost. They lose all sense of boundaries. They start acting weird, telling you things that clearly aren't true. I know it sounds nuts, but I think Dwight is the only one who's telling me the truth.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47642
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Pam
Dwight, am I hot right now?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47643
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Dwight
Why would I or anyone else think that you're hot right now? I can't impregnate you, and that's the driving force between male-female attraction.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47644
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Pam
What about before? Was I attractive before?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47645
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Dwight
Meh... you were at your most attractive when you were 24 with a slight, gradual decline and a steep drop-off when you got pregnant for the first time. Gradual recovery and, uh, well now, obviously, you're at an all-time low.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47646
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Pam
Hmm. I think Jim's lying to me about not being attracted to Cathy.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47647
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Dwight
You think Jim's lying? That's so cute. I know he's lying.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47648
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Pam
Five bucks if you can get him to admit it.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47649
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Dwight
Done. I never touch a pregnant woman.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47650
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Pam
Yep, that's the Dwight I need.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47651
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Dwight
If we're going to work together, we need some ground rules.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47652
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Pam
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47653
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Dwight
Rule one: our only loyalty is to the truth.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47654
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Pam
I think so. Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47655
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Dwight
Rule two: we stop at nothing.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47656
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Pam
Well, what does that... is that... okay.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47657
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Dwight
Rule three: Don't fall in love.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47658
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Pam
Yep, good.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47659
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Dwight
We're gonna bust this guy.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47660
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Pam
Honesty is very important to me.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47661
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Dwight
So important. And then we will destroy the man himself.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47662
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Pam
Let's just see how we feel when we get there.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47663
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Kelly
Well, you came to the right person. You have to follow your intuition, Pam. You don't want to end up like Elin Nordegren. Actually, what am I saying, you wish you had her life- no offense, Pam.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47664
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Dwight
None taken. What do you got?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47665
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Kelly
It is called the matchmaker test, and it is very powerful. Basically we have Pam ask Jim which of his friends he would set up with Cathy. If Jim picks a really hot friend, then we know that he thinks that Cathy's hot.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47666
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Pam
Hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47667
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Robert
Hey, you found us!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47668
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Curtis
You guys sound great, man.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47669
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Robert
Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is Curtis Dorough, local musician and the officiate at my wedding.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47670
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Darryl
Local musician? Local legend! I used to come hear you play every week at the Deerhead.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47671
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Kevin
Dude, you're on TV! You're the sportscaster on channel seven.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47672
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Drummer
Go Eagles!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47673
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Kevin
You do that on TV!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47674
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Robert
You guys mind if they join us?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47675
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Andy
Yeah, absolutely!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47676
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Kevin
Guys, I've got some instruments right here.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47677
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Darryl
Hey, why don't you and me play those?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47678
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Kevin
Yeah? Okay, this is awesome.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47679
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Robert
What should we play?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47680
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Kevin
Maybe we should warm up with some scales?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47681
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Robert
Midnight Rambler?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47682
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Curtis
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47683
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Andy
Midnight what?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47684
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Curtis
Have you heard about the midnight rambler? Hey, come on in, baby. Yeah!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47685
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Pam
Hey, I was talking to Cathy. Turns out she is single.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47686
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Jim
Oh, I stand corrected.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47687
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Pam
I thought it might be fun to set her up with someone. Any ideas?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47688
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Jim
Oh, you know who might be good? Mike Tibbets.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47689
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Pam
Mike Tibbets, really?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47690
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Jim
Mm-hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47691
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Ryan
Hey, who's this Mike Tibbets guy? What kind of car does he drive?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47692
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Jim
Not his mom's car.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47693
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Ryan
Yeah, 'cause his mom's car's probably not a Nissan Z.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47694
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Jim
Touche?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47695
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Kelly
Eww!
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47696
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Pam
Kelly, calm down.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47697
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Kelly
I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47698
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Pam
I don't think Jim cares about his hair.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47699
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Kelly
Yeah, but I do Pam, okay? It's called being a nice person.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47700
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Dwight
I don't see what's so ugly about him. He's got the broad face of a brewer.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47701
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Pam
Jim's on to me.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47702
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Dwight
Hmm?
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47703
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Pam
Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike. We had to go through like two levels of friends to even find his profile. Jim picked someone just unattractive enough to shut me up without tipping it.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47704
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Dwight
Just ugly enough to have deniability.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47705
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Pam
Yep.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47706
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Jim
Mike Tibbets is like the most boring-looking guy I know. So if that was for the matchmaker test, I think I'm in the clear. If that wasn't for the matchmaker test, then... Cathy, he's a really nice guy.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47707
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Dwight
Well, Jim may be lying with his words, but he can't lie with his body.
Season 8 · Episode 7 · Line 47708