Andy

Hey everybody it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47185

Erin

[Laughs and shrieks]

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47186

Andy

Closing time.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47187

Andy

Every office needs an end of the day tradition. Something to tell you the day is over. Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day. It's weird.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47188

Andy

Closing time

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47189

Jim

...W R K.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47190

Andy

One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey and beer.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47191

Jim

Uh no it's W R K, as in kitten. Oh my boss is singing Closing Time, maybe that's what you are hearing.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47192

Andy

Come on pam!

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47193

Andy/Pam

Closing time, time for you to go home to the places you will be from.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47194

Pam

Let's see. Andy has been manager for a hundred and five days. Which means I've heard 'Closing Time' a hundred and five times. Still don't know the words. Tah wa Ta way hm hm home and home and home.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47195

Andy

I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. Take me hooo'hooome! You know what fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing' no traditions!

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47196

Stanley

Closing time every new beginning'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47197

Stanley

I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it, but that song means it's time to go home. Now'it's my favorite song.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47198

Andy/Stanley

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47199

Stanley

Goodnight.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47200

Andy

Whose your favorite iron chef?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47201

Robert

This is atrocious.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47202

Andy

You go first.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47203

Robert

The ticketing software paints a picture of a sloppy, careless, error prone office.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47204

Andy

Well the monitoring software is a double edged sword. Sometimes'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47205

Dwight

Sorry, go ahead.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47206

Robert

Did you need something from us?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47207

Dwight

Wha'Yes. Your attention. Uh because' No that is all.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47208

Dwight

Last night I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power. Athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted 'We're number two!'. As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47209

Robert

Last week an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47210

Andy

Umpf'that's not good. Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb out there.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47211

Robert

Who are they?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47212

Andy

They're both Kevin. Oscar is the Sex and the City gang and Angela, if you can picture'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47213

Robert

Andrew sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47214

Andy

I would agree with that.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47215

Robert

Simply'end the mistakes

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47216

Andy

End the mistakes, easy-

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47217

Robert

When I come back next week and this report shows me no mistakes, we can talk about names, all day. Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47218

Andy

I would like that.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47219

Robert

End the mistakes. That is all I ask. And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47220

Jim

I'm just saying with the NBA lockout I think roller derby's in a really good place now. So'my pitch is'me, Pam, you and, someone else maybe Justine.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47221

Darryl

Nahh! No. Not Justine. Never Justine.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47222

Jim

Is that off again?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47223

Darryl

Oh yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47224

Jim

Ok.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47225

Val

Hey, mandatory warehouse safety meeting. Today.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47226

Darryl

Ahh'We don't really do those. We just sign the thing.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47227

Val

Are you really this lazy?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47228

Darryl

I'll be there.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47229

Gabe

Hey.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47230

Val

Hey.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47231

Gabe

Monday's suck.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47232

Val

Yeaha'yup. Just trying to get in.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47233

Dwight

I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. This is a project I've been working on for quite some time and today, might be the day to use it.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47234

Andy

What do you got?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47235

Dwight

Allow me. You're going to love this. Ugh'should've used a shorter string. Never mind, I know it by heart. It is a system that holds people accountable for everyone else's work.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47236

Andy

Sounds controversial.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47237

Dwight

Have I not been worthy of your trust? Have I not been a reliable number two?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47238

Andy

Do not go there! You're the deuce I never want to drop.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47239

Dwight

Well, I can make this work. I'll set it up right now. Just need your go ahead.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47240

Andy

Go do the voodoo that you do so well.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47241

Dwight

I will do my voodoo.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47242

Andy

Mmhmmm.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47243

Gabe

Hey. I need you to get the paperwork rolling on a new workplace relationship.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47244

Toby

For you?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47245

Gabe

Yes. For Gabe.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47246

Toby

Who are you seeing? That's gr'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47247

Gabe

Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47248

Toby

Oh.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47249

Gabe

I'm not technically seeing her, but uh I've seen her, with the eyes and uh there was attraction. In at least one direction. So..[holds up fist]

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47250

Toby

You know I don't have to do the paperwork unless you're actually dating.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47251

Gabe

Ok, but once this starts, it's going to be moving fast. It's going to be hot and heavy and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock. You know?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47252

Toby

But I mean'uh have you talked to her? Is sh'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47253

Gabe

Yeah we had a whole conversation about Mondays'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47254

Toby

Do you know her last name, yet?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47255

Gabe

Toby I'm going to tell you her last name tomorrow because she's going to be screaming it tonight.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47256

Toby

She's going to be screaming her own last name?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47257

Gabe

Hey! Watch it.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47258

Toby

Good luck Gabe.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47259

Andy

Hi guys. I just wanted to say that, you all have been doing amazing work., really.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47260

Kevin

Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47261

Andy

And I'd like to add that your work has been a little sloppy. So, Dwight and I have implemented a new program that we like to call'Dwight'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47262

Dwight

The accountability booster. It registers every time a mistake has been made in the office. From a late delivery to an accounting error. Five strikes in a day equals a home run. One home run and you're out.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47263

Andy

If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, something bad happens like we block Minesweeper.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47264

Dwight

Or in this case an email gets sent to Robert California containing the consultants report from last year. Remember the one that recommended the branch be shutdown? And as a fail-safe also every negative email you've ever written about him to the group will also be forwarded to him.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47265

Kelly

What emails are you talking about?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47266

Dwight

Robert's favorite songs: Creep by TLC, Creep by Radio Head. You remember that one Jim? There is no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper. Oscar. He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him. Kelly.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47267

Kelly

That's not that bad actually.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47268

Dwight

P.S. We should should kill him.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47269

Jim

Wait, so you installed a doomsday device?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47270

Dwight

No, it's an accountability booster.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47271

Jim

Which when it goes off it destroys everything. Very similar to a doomsday device.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47272

Dwight

Jim, you're trying to make me sound like some kind of evil maniac. Now the point is that we are now working in an environment where we have accountability to each other. I am confident that you guys are equal to the task.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47273

Kelly

Um, no we're not and you are a psycho who is ruining our lives.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47274

Ryan

We can't do this Dwight.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47275

Dwight

[Everyone angrily disagreeing]Smile'nod. Smile and nod.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47276

Dwight

They are making me out to be a Bond villian. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop at nothing to remake the world. Like'not Doctor Moreau someone good. Doctor Frankenstein, Doctor Jekyll, not them. Doctor'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47277

Andy

Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean the thing about this office is, we make a lot of mistakes.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47278

Dwight

But the device will change that. Without a safety net, people will improve.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47279

Andy

Alright everybody, looks like we need to be getting to work. Be extra careful. Double check everything or the accountability booster will getcha.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47280

Stanley

This doomsdays device sounds like a scare tactic to me.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47281

Oscar

There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47282

Dwight

Oh, there's one mistake.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47283

Erin

Now we only have four strikes left until a home run.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Line 47284

"Doomsday" Quotes