"Doomsday" Quotes

Every quote from The Office season 8, episode 6, in script order. First aired November 3, 2011.

324 quotes · page 1 of 4

Andy

Hey everybody it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47185
Erin

[Laughs and shrieks]

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47186
Andy

Closing time.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47187
Andy

Every office needs an end of the day tradition. Something to tell you the day is over. Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day. It's weird.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47188
Andy

Closing time

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47189
Jim

...W R K.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47190
Andy

One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey and beer.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47191
Jim

Uh no it's W R K, as in kitten. Oh my boss is singing Closing Time, maybe that's what you are hearing.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47192
Andy

Come on pam!

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47193
Andy/Pam

Closing time, time for you to go home to the places you will be from.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47194
Pam

Let's see. Andy has been manager for a hundred and five days. Which means I've heard 'Closing Time' a hundred and five times. Still don't know the words. Tah wa Ta way hm hm home and home and home.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47195
Andy

I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. Take me hooo'hooome! You know what fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing' no traditions!

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47196
Stanley

Closing time every new beginning'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47197
Stanley

I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it, but that song means it's time to go home. Now'it's my favorite song.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47198
Andy/Stanley

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47199
Stanley

Goodnight.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47200
Andy

Whose your favorite iron chef?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47201
Robert

This is atrocious.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47202
Andy

You go first.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47203
Robert

The ticketing software paints a picture of a sloppy, careless, error prone office.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47204
Andy

Well the monitoring software is a double edged sword. Sometimes'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47205
Dwight

Sorry, go ahead.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47206
Robert

Did you need something from us?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47207
Dwight

Wha'Yes. Your attention. Uh because' No that is all.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47208
Dwight

Last night I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power. Athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted 'We're number two!'. As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47209
Robert

Last week an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47210
Andy

Umpf'that's not good. Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb out there.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47211
Robert

Who are they?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47212
Andy

They're both Kevin. Oscar is the Sex and the City gang and Angela, if you can picture'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47213
Robert

Andrew sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47214
Andy

I would agree with that.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47215
Robert

Simply'end the mistakes

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47216
Andy

End the mistakes, easy-

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47217
Robert

When I come back next week and this report shows me no mistakes, we can talk about names, all day. Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47218
Andy

I would like that.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47219
Robert

End the mistakes. That is all I ask. And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47220
Jim

I'm just saying with the NBA lockout I think roller derby's in a really good place now. So'my pitch is'me, Pam, you and, someone else maybe Justine.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47221
Darryl

Nahh! No. Not Justine. Never Justine.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47222
Jim

Is that off again?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47223
Darryl

Oh yeah.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47224
Jim

Ok.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47225
Val

Hey, mandatory warehouse safety meeting. Today.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47226
Darryl

Ahh'We don't really do those. We just sign the thing.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47227
Val

Are you really this lazy?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47228
Darryl

I'll be there.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47229
Gabe

Hey.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47230
Val

Hey.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47231
Gabe

Monday's suck.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47232
Val

Yeaha'yup. Just trying to get in.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47233
Dwight

I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. This is a project I've been working on for quite some time and today, might be the day to use it.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47234
Andy

What do you got?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47235
Dwight

Allow me. You're going to love this. Ugh'should've used a shorter string. Never mind, I know it by heart. It is a system that holds people accountable for everyone else's work.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47236
Andy

Sounds controversial.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47237
Dwight

Have I not been worthy of your trust? Have I not been a reliable number two?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47238
Andy

Do not go there! You're the deuce I never want to drop.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47239
Dwight

Well, I can make this work. I'll set it up right now. Just need your go ahead.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47240
Andy

Go do the voodoo that you do so well.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47241
Dwight

I will do my voodoo.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47242
Andy

Mmhmmm.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47243
Gabe

Hey. I need you to get the paperwork rolling on a new workplace relationship.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47244
Toby

For you?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47245
Gabe

Yes. For Gabe.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47246
Toby

Who are you seeing? That's gr'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47247
Gabe

Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47248
Toby

Oh.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47249
Gabe

I'm not technically seeing her, but uh I've seen her, with the eyes and uh there was attraction. In at least one direction. So..[holds up fist]

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47250
Toby

You know I don't have to do the paperwork unless you're actually dating.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47251
Gabe

Ok, but once this starts, it's going to be moving fast. It's going to be hot and heavy and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock. You know?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47252
Toby

But I mean'uh have you talked to her? Is sh'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47253
Gabe

Yeah we had a whole conversation about Mondays'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47254
Toby

Do you know her last name, yet?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47255
Gabe

Toby I'm going to tell you her last name tomorrow because she's going to be screaming it tonight.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47256
Toby

She's going to be screaming her own last name?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47257
Gabe

Hey! Watch it.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47258
Toby

Good luck Gabe.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47259
Andy

Hi guys. I just wanted to say that, you all have been doing amazing work., really.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47260
Kevin

Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47261
Andy

And I'd like to add that your work has been a little sloppy. So, Dwight and I have implemented a new program that we like to call'Dwight'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47262
Dwight

The accountability booster. It registers every time a mistake has been made in the office. From a late delivery to an accounting error. Five strikes in a day equals a home run. One home run and you're out.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47263
Andy

If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, something bad happens like we block Minesweeper.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47264
Dwight

Or in this case an email gets sent to Robert California containing the consultants report from last year. Remember the one that recommended the branch be shutdown? And as a fail-safe also every negative email you've ever written about him to the group will also be forwarded to him.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47265
Kelly

What emails are you talking about?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47266
Dwight

Robert's favorite songs: Creep by TLC, Creep by Radio Head. You remember that one Jim? There is no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper. Oscar. He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him. Kelly.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47267
Kelly

That's not that bad actually.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47268
Dwight

P.S. We should should kill him.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47269
Jim

Wait, so you installed a doomsday device?

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47270
Dwight

No, it's an accountability booster.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47271
Jim

Which when it goes off it destroys everything. Very similar to a doomsday device.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47272
Dwight

Jim, you're trying to make me sound like some kind of evil maniac. Now the point is that we are now working in an environment where we have accountability to each other. I am confident that you guys are equal to the task.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47273
Kelly

Um, no we're not and you are a psycho who is ruining our lives.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47274
Ryan

We can't do this Dwight.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47275
Dwight

[Everyone angrily disagreeing]Smile'nod. Smile and nod.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47276
Dwight

They are making me out to be a Bond villian. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop at nothing to remake the world. Like'not Doctor Moreau someone good. Doctor Frankenstein, Doctor Jekyll, not them. Doctor'

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47277
Andy

Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean the thing about this office is, we make a lot of mistakes.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47278
Dwight

But the device will change that. Without a safety net, people will improve.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47279
Andy

Alright everybody, looks like we need to be getting to work. Be extra careful. Double check everything or the accountability booster will getcha.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47280
Stanley

This doomsdays device sounds like a scare tactic to me.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47281
Oscar

There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47282
Dwight

Oh, there's one mistake.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47283
Erin

Now we only have four strikes left until a home run.

Season 8 · Episode 6 · Quote 47284