Every line from The Office season 8, episode 23, in script order. First aired May 3, 2012.
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Harry
Just stay out of New York, Lloyd.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52316
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Toby
Hey, text from the old wife. Gonna take that.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52317
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Jim
How about this? How about we just ask Robert? Can we all agree that maybe the C.E.O should decide this?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52318
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Harry
Robert's here. Look at us. Bickering like schoolgirls, looking around the room for things to hit each other with. I don't think we were doing that.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52319
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Dwight
Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, Jim's leg.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52320
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Robert
Where's the Advil, Jim? I think I've hit my limit on the Tylenol ' Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52321
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Andy
Sorry, not Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52322
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Robert
Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you? Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52323
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Andy
Message received loud and clear. Just have to get the caramelized sugar off the pan before it dries.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52324
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Robert
Oh, for god '
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52325
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Harry
Robert California. What a surprise you're here in Scranton.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52326
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Robert
Harry'
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52327
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Harry
So why would you close Binghamton down without a transition plan in place?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52328
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Robert
How do you mean?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52329
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Andy
I forgot, a' a pan, uh '
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52330
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Harry
No, no, no, no, no, kid, stay there, do your dishes, go ahead.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52331
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Robert
Harry there is a time for every decision, predetermined many years ago. There's no benefit in questioning why this particular decision seems' so poorly timed.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52332
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Dwight
Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52333
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Harry
Listen, Robert, I don't have time. There's a big client in play. Prestige direct mail solutions '
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52334
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Dwight
Don't listen to him.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52335
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Harry
Used to be Binghamton's '
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52336
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Dwight
Nope.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52337
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Harry
I want it, it's mine.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52338
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Dwight
Prestige is ours. Okay, they're responsible for half of the junk mail on the eastern seaboard. We get them. We already put a call into them, Robert.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52339
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Harry
We need you to make a decision.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52340
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Dwight
Make a decision.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52341
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Robert
I have decided. Neither of you are to have any contact with either Prestige or any other Binghamton client until I have figured out how to divide things up. As Solomon once said'
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52342
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Andy
Some bizarre energy in this place today. Robert is going off the rails, making some funky decisions. Like why is nobody gonna call on Prestige? That is a huge client. I mean, they could give their business to the first person to walk in the door. Could be any idiot. Any idiot at all.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52343
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Robert
Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I'll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52344
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Harry
Is it just me or is our boss a freakin' weirdo? I'm gonna get some air.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52345
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Dwight
Jim, you know what would be really dastardly? If we snuck out of here and got to the client first.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52346
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Jim
He's running!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52347
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Dwight
Damn it!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52348
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Jim
Damn it.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52349
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Dwight
Wha ' what is this supposed to be?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52350
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Jim
It's a monkey.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52351
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Dwight
Jim, great real. This is not a monkey. It's got a hula skirt and a blue nose.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52352
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Jim
Hold on, hold on. Is this him?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52353
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Dwight
What?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52354
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Jim
Is that him?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52355
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Dwight
It's him! Do something! Get out!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52356
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Jim
What? What am I gonna do? I don't '
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52357
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Dwight
Go slash his tires! Go dent his hood. That's it? Oh, that's great. That's like a five second delay.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52358
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Jim
Dwight!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52359
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Dwight
Come on, let's go! Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? Hit the nos.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52360
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Jim
Nos? You mean like in fast and furious?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52361
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Dwight
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52362
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Jim
Oh, yeah, definitely have nos.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52363
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Dwight
Hit the nos.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52364
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Jim
Are you sure?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52365
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52366
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Jim
Brace yourself. 3' 2'
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52367
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Dwight
Got it. Go.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52368
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Jim
1. Here we go!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52369
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Andy
Hello. Andy Bernard to see the C.E.O.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52370
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Receptionist
Oh, do you have an appointment?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52371
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Andy
No, I do not.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52372
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Receptionist
Okay, I think I can squeeze you in.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52373
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Andy
Seriously? 'Cause I could just be anyone. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to convince you.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52374
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Receptionist
He's really not that busy.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52375
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Mr. Ramish
Is there someone here to see me?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52376
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Receptionist
Yes, this man.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52377
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Mr. Ramish
Come on in.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52378
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Pam
So'what do you make of this Robert California guy? I mean, what does a guy like that do on an average weeknight?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52379
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Nellie
Oh. Oh, I'll tell you what he does.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52380
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Angela
: Hello! Hello, my clucking hens. Got room for another in the roost? Huh? Don't worry, I won't lay an egg.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52381
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Angela
: Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52382
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Angela
: I have been crunching numbers all day. Math is for boys. I need girl talk.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52383
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Gabe
Did someone say girl talk?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52384
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Gabe
Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52385
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Gabe
Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jungcinderella girl. Although, I definitely fast-forward through the young-Tae storylines.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52386
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Nellie
Do you think I'd like that, or is it important to have an Asian fetish?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52387
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Gabe
Uh, I think you're gonna need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah. It'll be upsetting if you don't.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52388
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Andy
I'm a former paper executive. I know the product. I know the margins. I can save you 25% on your costs.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52389
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Mr. Ramish
Why haven't I heard of you? You got any references?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52390
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Andy
No. I'm a rogue.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52391
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Mr. Ramish
Uh-huh.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52392
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Andy
Which is the best part. That means you will be my first customer and your business will get 100% of my attention. Now' I have written down my personal phone number. You call this anytime.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52393
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Mr. Ramish
Every salesman I've ever met has given me his personal phone number.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52394
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Andy
Of course they have. Which is why I'm giving you a key to my house. Whatever you need ' anytime, night or day ' you just stop on by.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52395
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Mr. Ramish
You want me to drive to your house if I need paper.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52396
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Andy
Maybe you just want someone to talk to. Maybe' you need a place to crash for a couple of days. My wireless password is eat pray love. Easy to remember.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52397
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Dwight
Ready? Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52398
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Dwight
Ahhh!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52399
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Jim
You all right?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52400
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Dwight
Yeah. Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52401
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Jim
Ah!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52402
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Jim
Dwight, what are you doing?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52403
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Dwight
Go, go! Take the stairs! Now!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52404
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Jim
What are you talking about?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52405
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Dwight
Just run! Take the stairs!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52406
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Jim
I don't even know where the stairs are!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52407
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Dwight
I'll stall him. Go!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52408
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Jim
God!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52409
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Harry
What are you doing?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52410
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Dwight
I'm gonna activate the seismic failsafe. We'll be stuck between floors for hours. Oh. My pants fell down.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52411
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Jim
What?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52412
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Dwight
My pants fell down! I don't have a belt!
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52413
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Dwight
Hello, sir. Good day. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Forgive my pants, they fell down. An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please. Right now is fine. No, no, no, I was here first. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52414
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Mr. Ramish
What's going on?
Season 8 · Episode 23 · Line 52415