Every line from The Office season 8, episode 16, in script order. First aired February 23, 2012.
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Dwight
You wanna see a picture of me trapped under a tree? 'ahhmmm' excuse me' What?! Not now, I'm busy.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50455
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Jim
I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to know that I saw a bedbug in my room. But, never mind, sorry to interrupt.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50456
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Dwight
Wait wait wait wait, bedbugs? Oh no' Freak, I need a favor.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50457
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Gabe
Well, then you have to call me by my name. Gabriel Susan Lewis.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50458
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Dwight
I gotta be gone for a few minutes. You make sure that Packer does NOT sleep with Nellie.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50459
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Gabe
What's in it for GSL?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50460
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Dwight
You really want Packer as your boss?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50461
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Gabe
Got it.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50462
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Dwight
If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50463
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Dwight
Where did you see it?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50464
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Jim
In the bed.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50465
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Cathy
I haven't seen anything.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50466
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Dwight
We gotta find it before it eggs.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50467
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Cathy
Jeez'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50468
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Dwight
Describe it.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50469
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Jim
Brown, shiny, painful bite.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50470
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Dwight
Could be a bat weevil' Describe its mood. Did it seen sleepy?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50471
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Jim
Stressed, but to be fair, it was a tense situation.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50472
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Dwight
Fair enough, but after it bit you, did it run away fearful, or did it walk away smug, self-assured?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50473
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Jim
So smug. Like he thought it was funny, like this.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50474
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Dwight
Pshh. That's a bedbug.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50475
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50476
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Dwight
Everything's a joke.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50477
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Jim
I know.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50478
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Dwight
Check your hair!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50479
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Jim
Ow.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50480
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Dwight
God, oh. So greasy, you should just shave all this.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50481
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Jim
Just check it.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50482
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Dwight
You are clean. Okay' One thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide I am going to generate myself into a human trap. When I jump into the bed, you are going to cover me with the sheet immediately. And then we'll see who's laughing.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50483
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Jim
Alright.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50484
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Dwight
Yeah. Cover me!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50485
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Cathy
Is this really nessecary?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50486
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Jim
He knows what he's doing.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50487
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Dwight
Let the bedbugs bite!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50488
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Cathy
Ugh, god, I feel so gross. I have to go take a shower.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50489
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Jim
Alright, then I will catch you later' What do we do now?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50490
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Dwight
We wait. Come to papa.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50491
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Jim
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50492
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Jim
I don't know, Dwight, I think maybe you should check again.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50493
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Dwight
Nope, I wasn't bitten.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50494
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Jim
Well, maybe it isn't warm enough in here.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50495
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Dwight
Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50496
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Jim
Come on.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50497
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Dwight
If there were any in here, They would've imbedded themselves in me.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50498
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Jim
You know what? Maybe they just ate.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50499
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Dwight
No, you're good. Clean bill of health! Besides I gotta get back downstairs. I left Packer alone with Nellie for way too long.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50500
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Jim
Okay, they're fine. They're adults.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50501
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Dwight
No, that's the problem. Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the VP job unless I do it first.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50502
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Jim
Is that really how you want to get this job?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50503
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Dwight
Such a chorus girl.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50504
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Jim
Okay, Dwight' Dwight' Dwight, Dwight Dwight!' uh'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50505
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Cathy
Is crazy gone?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50506
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Nellie
Oh!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50507
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Gabe
They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50508
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Dwight
Euughh' Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present' Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50509
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Cathy
Yeah, one death by chocolate, one bananas foster' Okay, cool. Thanks' I know, I'm a pig, right?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50510
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Jim
Hmm? No.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50511
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Cathy
Wait, this why I exercise like a fiend. Feel. Seriously.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50512
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Jim
Okay alright. I'm really sorry, uh, I just have to say it. I'm-I'm married. I'm very happily married.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50513
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Cathy
Oh my God, what are you thinking?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50514
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Jim
um' I mean-
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50515
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Cathy
I know that you're married, I sat at your wife's desk. How little do you think of me?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50516
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Jim
I'm sorry, I feel like maybe I'm-I'm I misread things. Okay, let's just go back to watching.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50517
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Cathy
Can you' without running to the other side of the room all night?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50518
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Jim
Yes, I can. uh, all right. I'm really sorry. I think we'll just' we'll just watch. You can watch, not watch, whatever you want to do. Take another shower, I don't care.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50519
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Cathy
Okay. I am so cold.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50520
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Jim
[Jim Face]
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50521
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Pam
Hey, Darryl. You okay?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50522
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Darryl
She's got a boyfriend.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50523
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Andy
Play it cool, man. She'll come around.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50524
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Pam
No, you should go for it. I mean nothing would've happened with me and Jim if he didn't put himself out there.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50525
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Andy
Yeah, but' My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50526
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Pam
My husband would tell you to go for it.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50527
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Ryan
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50528
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Erin
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50529
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Ryan
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50530
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Erin
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50531
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Ryan
Hey, this is fun.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50532
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Erin
A lot of fun.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50533
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Ryan
I know. Can I give you a compliment? I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50534
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Erin
You should move down here with me.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50535
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Ryan
Yeah?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50536
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Erin
We could be roommates.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50537
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Ryan
Really?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50538
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Erin
We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl-
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50539
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Ryan
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50540
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Erin
Maybe in six months-
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50541
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Ryan
Six months?' um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50542
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Nellie
Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50543
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Dwight
Okay' Seven, one, one, nine'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50544
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Nellie
No, no, no, not numbers, no.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50545
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Dwight
No, okay.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50546
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Nellie
No.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50547
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Dwight
Try again' Ugh, I'm still getting numbers! Seven, one, one' is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven one one? 'Cause please stop, okay?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50548
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Nellie
Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50549
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Dwight
[gasps]Wait, the numbers!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50550
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Nellie
Mm-hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50551
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Dwight
oh'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50552
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Nellie
mm-hmm'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50553
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Dwight
There you go.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Line 50554