Every quote from The Office season 8, episode 16, in script order. First aired February 23, 2012.
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Nellie
I will be right back.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50355
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Todd Packer
I will be here.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50356
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Dwight
Hey. I see what you're doing. It's futile. the VP position is mine.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50357
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Todd Packer
Oh, please, You're through. She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50358
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Dwight
Well, saddles' ' sometimes fall off, especially if you don't properly cinch the girth.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50359
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Todd Packer
What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50360
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Dwight
If anyone's having sex with Nellie for personal gain, it's me, and I'm not joking at all. If you don't tighten your saddle, you may fall off.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50361
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Andy
Who is ready for dinner? 'oh, I bet it's pizza, or tacos, or something stupid'. No. I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border. And we have ourselves' A Jamaican feast, mon!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50362
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Phyllis
If I wanted Jamaican food I'd just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50363
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Andy
Additional trivia factoid, this food comes to us through Val. And our server is none other than Brandon, her boyf!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50364
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Val
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50365
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Brandon
How you doing, Val?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50366
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Oscar
Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there. Crazy stuff.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50367
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Brandon
Oh no, I'm not actually Jamaican.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50368
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Oscar
Terrific.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50369
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Darryl
What's up man? I'm Darryl.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50370
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Brandon
Darryl, I heard about you. You doing good?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50371
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Darryl
Oh yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50372
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Brandon
Must be doing real good since you're f***ing my girlfriend.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50373
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Everyone
Whoa.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50374
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Kevin
Dude, you didn't tell me you were f***ing Val. High five!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50375
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Darryl
I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50376
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Val
Brandon, what the hell are you talking about?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50377
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Brandon
Don't play dumb with me. I know what's up.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50378
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Val
Honey, I am not sleeping with-
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50379
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Andy
Heyyy' let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious looking goops!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50380
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Brandon
Hope you all like goat.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50381
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Andy
Goat'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50382
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Nellie
Blow in my ear.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50383
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Todd Packer
Alright.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50384
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Nellie
Like I'm on the beach.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50385
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Dwight
Seagull.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50386
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Nellie
And a wave crashing' a wave crashing.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50387
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Nellie
Oh, that is lovely.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50388
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Jim
Alright, that's gonna do it for me tonight. Have a lovely evening.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50389
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Jim
Hey, how's it going?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50390
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Cathy
Hey, uh, good. Uh, the heating system though in my room is all messed up. It's like 90 degrees in there. Maintenance is working on it. Can I hang out here?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50391
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Jim
Uh' yeah, I'm just watching basketball.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50392
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Cathy
Okay, yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50393
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Jim
Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50394
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Cathy
Cool' Is this March Madness? I love March Madness.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50395
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Jim
Oh, no, that's not this 'cause that's in' March. Uh, this is just the NBA. Professional. Miami Heat, actually, so'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50396
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Cathy
LeBron James.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50397
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Jim
Yes, nice. Good word association
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50398
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Cathy
[giggles]
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50399
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Nellie
Impressive.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50400
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Dwight
Oh please, anyone can tie a knot, the real skill is in untying it
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50401
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Andy
Thornwood Wholesalers.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50402
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Kevin
One order.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50403
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Brandon
I read the text you sent to Val, man.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50404
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Val
That's messed up.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50405
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Angela
Is this spicy?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50406
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Brandon
No, baby girl. It would be messed up if I didn't find anything, but I did, so-
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50407
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Andy
I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50408
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Brandon
At midnight?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50409
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Andy
' yeah'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50410
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Kevin
It happens! Like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50411
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Kelly
Guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way. I think we just need to be grown-ups here.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50412
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Andy
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50413
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Kelly
I thin we're gonna need to here those texts.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50414
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Andy
Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50415
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Kelly
No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life, I am staying here. Darryl, read the texts.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50416
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Jim
Yup, coming. All right.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50417
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Stanley
My mini bar is oddly out of rum.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50418
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Jim
We have plenty.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50419
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Stanley
Oh, hello.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50420
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Jim
Do you want to watch the game with us? We're watching a game. The Heat game. Just a game.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50421
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Stanley
Got it. Good night. Careful Jim, it gets easier and easier.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50422
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Jim
No, no, no, Stanley.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50423
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Stanley
mm-hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50424
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Jim
Stanley. Stanley.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50425
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Stanley
uh-huh.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50426
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Jim
Stanley. Uhh' you know what? Just bring back those bottles!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50427
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Erin
Whoa. the lights are still on.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50428
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Ryan
Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50429
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Erin
I like how guys just know stuff all the time.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50430
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Ryan
Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50431
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Erin
Hello, waffle iron.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50432
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Ryan
Hello, what do we have here?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50433
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Erin
Okay, so the recipe says we need a mixing bowl'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50434
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Ryan
Right.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50435
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Erin
' a measuring cup'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50436
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Ryan
Got that. Get down.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50437
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Erin
It's the fuzz!
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50438
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Ryan
Shh! do you want us to get scolded? Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50439
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Darryl
I got too much ice cream. You want some?' 'Getting' my fry on.'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50440
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Kelly
Boring.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50441
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Darryl
Uh, 'The moon is huge tonight.'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50442
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Phyllis
Ooh, gosh, the moon one's damning. Yeah, sorry.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50443
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Darryl
That's regular text talk.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50444
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Brandon
You forgot one.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50445
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Darryl
You're such a great friend.'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50446
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Brandon
With the dots.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50447
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Darryl
You're such a great friend, dot dot dot dot dot.'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50448
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Kelly
Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but five dots means 'Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50449
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Everyone
Oh'
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50450
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Brandon
See? Yes. Thank you, sister.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50451
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Val
Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right?
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50452
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Darryl
Yeah, totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on shutter island over here.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50453
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Nellie
You look like Ed Harris if they stretched him a little bit.
Season 8 · Episode 16 · Quote 50454