Every line from The Office season 8, episode 13, in script order. First aired February 2, 2012.
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Nurse
I don't know what that means. We're gonna circumcise him.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49648
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Jim
I know, buddy, I know. Cece, you want to come? Want to come out?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49649
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Cece
No!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49650
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Jim
Oh bud, I know. Do you have a pacifier or anything?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49651
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Pam
I'm looking, I'm looking for the pacifier.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49652
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Jim
Cece!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49653
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Pam
Okay, we're going.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49654
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Jim
Okay, okay, we gotta go. All right, we're going home, we're going home. We're going home, we're going home. I know, I know, bud.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49655
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Pam
Shh, shh, shh.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49656
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Jim
I know, I know.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49657
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Pam
You want to grab her?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49658
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Jim
I'm gonna grab her, okay.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49659
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Pam
Here we go, here we go.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49660
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Jim
Hi, all right. I'm just going to go down to the car and I'm going to put her in her seat and I'll be right back up.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49661
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Stanley
We'll see you tomorrow.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49662
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Jim
No, no, it's okay, I'll be right back.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49663
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Phyllis
No, just go home.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49664
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Darryl
It's all good, we got this.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49665
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Darryl
I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49666
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Pam
Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49667
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Phyllis
Just go.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49668
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Andy
Hey, we'll be just fine.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49669
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Jim
Thanks guys. All right, here we go. Let's go.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49670
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Andy
Oh, whew!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49671
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Andy
Dwight, what the hell? You can't smoke in here.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49672
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Dwight
Oh, right. The office looks different now. Huh. Smaller. Maybe I just feel bigger. Hello Gabe.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49673
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Gabe
You had something important to tell me?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49674
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Dwight
Oh, you know, I did but now it seems infinitely insignificant.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49675
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Dwight
Jim? Oh, right. Nah, forget it. He was doing it for his kids. I get it. Kids drive us dads crazy. Sometimes I feel like they're raising us. Am I right?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49676
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Jim
I would love for everyone to just forgive me. But, if that's not happening, I'm not averse to just buying them all off.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49677
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Jim
Alright guys. You know how we all like the red licorice but it's always buried behind like a ton of black licorice? Bought it all. Now it's like red city in there. So, enjoy it.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49678
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Phyllis
Mmm-hmm. Moneybags. Must be nice.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49679
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Andy
So you effectively spent what...four dollars on the entire office?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49680
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Jim
Uh, I can't get a handle on it. Am I cheap or rich? I can't...
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49681
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Andy
You're nothing. When I think about all the gas money I spent on you. Washing my car to make sure you-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49682
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Jim
Alright. Well, enjoy the red licorice, and good riddance, right?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49683
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Darryl
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! So you're just gonna throw away perfectly good food?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49684
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Jim
It's not really food, right?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49685
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Creed
I'm really hating this Jim guy!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49686
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Jim
Ok, ok, ok.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49687
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Stanley
I know what you can do Jim. Take those black licorice, then go get some of those red licorice, take 'em in your hand, roll 'em up real tight...
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49688
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Jim
'And shove it up my butt.'
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49689
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Stanley
Dammit Jim! You stole my afternoons, now you stole my line! It's not 'shove it up your butt' it's....I'll kill you! I'll kill you dead!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49690
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Darryl
Eat it.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49691
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Jim
I'm not gonna eat it.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49692
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Darryl
Eat. It.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49693
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Jim
I'm not-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49694
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Stanley
EAT IT!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49695
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Jim
They hate me, Pam.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49696
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Pam
They don't hate you.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49697
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Jim
No, it's bad. Darryl canceled go-karting....
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49698
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Pam
When were you going go-karting with Darryl?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49699
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Jim
It's a lunch thing.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49700
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Pam
Alright. Just don't worry, we'll figure this out.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49701
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Jim
I feel like a stranger in my own country.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49702
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Pam
Ok, drama.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49703
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Jim
Ok. Well, hey, you're not here. You don't know, Ok? It's intense. They made me eat black licorice.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49704
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Dwight
I have a recurring nightmare that I've been wrongly accused of a crime and twelve of these idiots are on the jury. Stanley is fast asleep, Kevin eats the evidence, Phyllis's name is Allison but it really is Phyllis, Jim is foreman of the jury and pronounces me guilty. The cop takes me away and tells me that I've been a bad boy and we have sex in the hall. She leaves the handcuffs on. They take me away to prison. The guards are all women.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49705
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Andy
Everyone, this is Officer Foley from the Scranton PD. Works down at the courthouse. I think he has something he's like to say.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49706
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Officer Foley
I understand that some of you don't believe that Mr. Bernard drove his friend into the courthouse for jury duty last week.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49707
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Darryl
Correction: we don't care.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49708
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Erin
Hey, aren't you an actor?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49709
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Andy
No.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49710
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Erin
Weren't you in Sweeny Todd last year with Andy?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49711
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Officer Foley
Uh, no.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49712
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Darryl
You hired your actor friend to come here as a cop?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49713
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Andy
That is so offensive and ridiculous. I-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49714
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Darryl
So if I started singing 'Down By the Old Mill Stream', you couldn't join me in a three part harmony. Down by the, down by the, down by the....
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49715
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Andy, Darryl & Officer Foley
Old mill stream. When I first met you, down by the old mill stream
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49716
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Darryl
Old, mill, stream.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49717
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Andy
Ho hah!....oh, shoot.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49718
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Darryl
Mm hmm.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49719