Every line from The Office season 8, episode 13, in script order. First aired February 2, 2012.
-
Dwight
What?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49548
-
Oscar
She got pregnant before the wedding.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49549
-
Dwight
How long before?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49550
-
Oscar
A month. You didn't hear it from me!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49551
-
Dwight
Yes I did.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49552
-
Angela
Dwight?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49553
-
Senator Lipton
Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49554
-
Dwight
I want to see the baby.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49555
-
Erin
Oh, Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It's not worth it.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49556
-
Dwight
Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions... willingly, or as slaves.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49557
-
Dwight
That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49558
-
Angela
He's hungry.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49559
-
Senator Lipton
Oh, that's my cue to leave.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49560
-
Angela
No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49561
-
Senator Lipton
Still. Still.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49562
-
Angela
You won't see-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49563
-
Jim
You want a giraffe?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49564
-
Jim
Yes, I am brining my kids in to help me get out of this hole. And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49565
-
Pam
Hi. Wow, I really thought I'd be more excited to be here.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49566
-
Jim
Whoa, whoa, whoa, game face, baby, game face.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49567
-
Pam
Oh right, okay. Hey Stanley, it's great to see you!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49568
-
Jim
Whoa, no, no. That's overdoing it, I think.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49569
-
Pam
Oh, hi Stanley.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49570
-
Jim
Split the difference?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49571
-
Pam
Jim.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49572
-
Jim
Okay, let's go.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49573
-
Pam
Hey.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49574
-
Erin
Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49575
-
Pam
Hi everybody!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49576
-
Jim
What?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49577
-
All
Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49578
-
Pam
How about a little visit?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49579
-
Jim
Wow, what a surprise. That's crazy. You guys get to meet the little heck-raisers.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49580
-
Creed
Hey, Angela's back with her baby.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49581
-
Pam
Yes, well, you guys all know Cece, but we wanted to introduce you to baby Philip.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49582
-
Andy
Aw! You guys. He's licking on my finger, just like my cat does.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49583
-
Creed
Let me have a turn.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49584
-
Pam
No, it's the pacifier's turn.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49585
-
Creed
All right.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49586
-
Jim
Did you say something about this one bringing in something for these people?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49587
-
Pam
Yes! Cece wanted to thank everybody for letting her daddy stay home with her all last week and play, so she brought you a little treat.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49588
-
Phyllis
Cookies?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49589
-
Pam
No, but that would've been a really good idea.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49590
-
Jim
That was a great idea.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49591
-
Pam
No, she brought you drawings.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49592
-
Jim
Oh my goodness, let's take a look at these. They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yup, they are. Uncle Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49593
-
Andy
Oh!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49594
-
Jim
Oh, Aunt Phyllis.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49595
-
Phyllis
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49596
-
Andy
Wow, these are incredible. Cece, did you do these?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49597
-
Cece
No.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49598
-
Pam
She says 'no' to everything. You know, she thinks my name is 'No.' Cece, do you want some broccoli?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49599
-
Cece
Yes.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49600
-
Pam
No. It's crazy.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49601
-
Ryan
Why am I shorter than the table that I'm standing next to?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49602
-
Andy
There's cross-hatching in some of these. That's kind of advanced for a two-year-old.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49603
-
Kelly
Cece, this is your big sister Kelly. Did you color this pretty picture?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49604
-
Cece
No.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49605
-
Kelly
So then this means nothing to you.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49606
-
Andy
Hey, Cece, why don't you draw another picture for us, exactly like this one, or at least in the exact same style?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49607
-
Jim
You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. That's very weird. I'll just take that. Thank you. I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos. Right?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49608
-
Cece
Mama!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49609
-
Pam
Shh.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49610
-
Jim
I don't know what else we can do here.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49611
-
Cece
Mama, mama, mama.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49612
-
Jim
It's okay.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49613
-
Pam
Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49614
-
Jim
All right, all right. Okay.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49615
-
Pam
It's okay, honey. It's okay, it's okay.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49616
-
Jim
All right, I know, I know. Let's just get this.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49617
-
Pam
Shh.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49618
-
Cece
Mama!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49619
-
Dwight
Angela, this child is definitely mine. He looks just like me.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49620
-
Angela
Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49621
-
Dwight
Need I remind you that we were together a month before the wedding?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49622
-
Angela
That is completely untrue.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49623
-
Dwight
Completely true. Remember? Angela. No.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49624
-
Dwight
You said that Robert was not fulfilling you-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49625
-
Angela
I did not. Uh-uh.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49626
-
Dwight
-and I said, 'I bet I could fulfill you,' and you said, 'I'd like to see you try,' and then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49627
-
Angela
That didn't happen.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49628
-
Dwight
And then I inserted my penis-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49629
-
Angela
No! Stop it!
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49630
-
Dwight
Into your-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49631
-
Angela
Dwight.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49632
-
Dwight
Vagina and-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49633
-
Angela
And even if it did, it's just a coincidence.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49634
-
Dwight
Admit that there is a chance.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49635
-
Angela
I will not.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49636
-
Dwight
Admit it. Admit it.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49637
-
Angela
I will not, it's not-
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49638
-
Senator Lipton
All done?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49639
-
Dwight
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49640
-
Senator Lipton
Mmm.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49641
-
Angela
Yes, yes. He's sleeping.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49642
-
Dwight
Before I go, may I?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49643
-
Angela
Sure. Watch the head, watch the head.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49644
-
Dwight
Nurse, you know that baby in there, baby Philip? Cancel the circumcision.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49645
-
Nurse
Who are you?
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49646
-
Dwight
I just might be his father.
Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49647