Every line from The Office season 8, episode 10, in script order. First aired December 8, 2011.
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Andy
Christmas tiiiime is heeeere! Wow. Thanks guys, that sounded amazing. Hi, I'm Andy Bernard and I am the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48411
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Andy
Who's excited to get their holiday wishes?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48412
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Stanley
Holiday wishes.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48413
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Andy
What's that, Stanley?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48414
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Stanley
We know exactly what holiday you're referring to.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48415
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Andy
It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48416
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Stanley
I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, A Pulp Fiction Christmas, A Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48417
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Jim
I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. ...Might not have been the best idea.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48418
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Stanley
I don't want no Kwanza wreath, I don't need a dreidel in my face, that's it's own thing. And who's that black Santa for?! I don't care! I know Santa ain't black! I could care less. I want Christmas! Just give me plain baby Jesus, lying in a manger, Christmas!
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48419
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Meredith
What is the status on my wish?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48420
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Andy
Fulfilled! Brought my bicycle, so I can be your designated driver later. In the event that you drink to much, which is by no means required.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48421
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Dwight
What about my wish that we don't have to attend meetings that degrade our sense of adulthood?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48422
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Andy
That, I cannot do, but I did get you an acre of property on the moon.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48423
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Dwight
Where? Dark side or light side?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48424
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Andy
Light side.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48425
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Dwight
Is it by the Sea of Tranquility?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48426
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Andy
As a matter of fact, yes. Directly adjacent....beachfront.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48427
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Dwight
Thank you, Andy.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48428
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Andy
So, who's wish is next? Oh, what about Santa's wish? My biggest wish is that you all get along well with Jessica....C'mon guys, Jessica?...Jim, tell 'em who Jessica is.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48429
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Jim
She's not your grandmother, is she?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48430
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Andy
Ugh! Gam-gam's name is Ruth, Jim, you should know. I introduced you on speakerphone that time?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48431
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48432
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Andy
Jessica is my super serious girlfriend, who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. Only thing that's not serious, by the way? Our repartee.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48433
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Creed
That's great. When you know you know. Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48434
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Andy
Totally out of your league. So in summation, ho ho ho, please be nice to Jessica and mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault, and don't go near Gam-gam.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48435
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Erin
I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48436
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Kelly
I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48437
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Erin
Oh no, no. It's fine, Kelly.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48438
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Kelly
It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48439
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Erin
That's OK, I don't want you to do that.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48440
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Robert
Hello, ah. Merry Christmas, Erin. Kelly, Happy Pancha Ganapati.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48441
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Kelly
Eww, what is that?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48442
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Robert
The five day Hindu celebration in December honoring the god Ganesh, Patron of the Arts.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48443
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Kelly
Cool.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48444
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Kevin
Hey, man.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48445
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Robert
Hey! Oh!
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48446
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Kevin
How ya holdin' up...because of your wife leaving you?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48447
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Oscar
Kevin?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48448
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Robert
I actually appreciate the human intimacy. Feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48449
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Kevin
Yeah.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48450
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Robert
It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48451
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Andy
Well you came to the right place....Ah, this, this party'll cheer you right up.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48452
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Robert
I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock-n-roll for people who don't like rock-n-roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop.....ah, heartbreaking.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48453
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Andy
Oh, thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48454
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Andy
Well, I hate to have to take my Santa hat off, and put on my hard ass hat. But, this is serious. It's come to my attention that somebody who shall remain nameless, wants to switch desk clumps.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48455
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Dwight
Fine with me. Jim can leave anytime he wants. Goodbye.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48456
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Jim
It wasn't me.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48457
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Andy
It wasn't either of you.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48458
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Jim
Kathy wants to leave our clump?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48459
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Andy
Sh sh sh sh! Don't look. Who it was is not important...but she did say that your constant pranking and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. She or he.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48460
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Dwight
I just wanna say, this is not my fault. OK? The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media. I am always acting in self-defense. Occasionally preemptive self-defense.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48461
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Jim
Ow, What are you doing?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48462
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Andy
Hey! Hey! Respect the hat!
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48463
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Jim
Pam never seemed to have a problem with us.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48464
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Andy
Alright. I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand....Mo-nay.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48465
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Jim
What was that?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48466
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Dwight
What is it?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48467
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Andy
Money....You both have sizable Christmas bonuses coming your way. If I catch either of you messing with the other, I will give both bonuses to the other person.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48468
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Jim
Can't do that.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48469
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Dwight
No, absolutely not.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48470
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Andy
You need consequences. OK? I want you both walking on eggshells.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48471
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Jessica
Hi. I'm Jessica. I'm looking for Andy?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48472
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Erin
Jessica. Yes. We don't say hi, we hug. I'm Erin.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48473
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Jessica
Oh! Oof!
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48474
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Erin
Sorry, hi, I hope you feel really welcome, we all want you here.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48475
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Jessica
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48476
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Andy
My ex is meeting my sex....which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis...that's just part of it.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48477
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Andy
Hey! Jess, Erin, I hope you're not talking about my penis. Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48478
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Jessica
Hi.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48479
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Andy
Hey everyone! I want you to meet Jessica, she is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48480
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Erin
Wow.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48481
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Andy
Erin, by the way, amazing receptionist.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48482
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Jessica
Oh, that's great. Backbone of the office.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48483
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Erin
Which is funny, actually, because my spine is a mess.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48484
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Andy
What?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48485
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Jessica
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48486
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Erin
Scoliosis. Had to wear a back brace for three years but I never did.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48487
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Andy
Oh no.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48488
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Jessica
Ah..[laughs]
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48489
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Andy
Ut oh, it's kicking in. Spontaneous scoliosis.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48490
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Jessica
Spontaneous scoliosis.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48491
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Erin
Oh.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48492
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Darryl
This thing could take your arm off, your head off, you know, just exercise caution.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48493
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Val
Thank you.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48494
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Darryl
Alright.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48495
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Val
Alright.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48496
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Darryl
Oh yeah, and um there's a Christmas party upstairs tonight, wanted to tell you about.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48497
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Val
Isn't that just for popsicles?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48498
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Darryl
Popsicles?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48499
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Val
Yeah, upstairs people? Cause you got a stick up your butt?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48500
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Nate
Ah! See, I, I, I thought it was because they're so rich they could all eat popsicles all the time. I, in my, I...
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48501
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Darryl
Well you should definitely come. The foreman always comes. Plus it's fun, you know cookies, smoked fish, alcohol, people acting stupid.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48502
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Nate
You had me at 'clookies.' I can't wait to find out what they are.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48503
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Val
What should I wear?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48504
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Darryl
Oh, it's nice, it's real nice. People get dressed up.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48505
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Nate
I will look so handsome for you, Darryl.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48506
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Jim
Ah...I'm gonna s-
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48507
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Jim
Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can't drink at this thing....I get really pranky when I drink.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48508
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Robert
Erin, what can I get for you?
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48509
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Erin
Uh, do you have cola? Kirkland if you have it.
Season 8 · Episode 10 · Line 48510