Robert

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45322

Merv

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45323

Robert

That business can't attract anyone. It's awful up there. Those people seem like they're in prison, waiting out life sentences in a... dying industry.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45324

Merv

Place must be horrible. I don't know if I want this job.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45325

Merv

Well, if I get this job offer, and then I know that I'm gonna take it, and if I take it, I know that I'm never gonna quit, and then 25 years are gonna go by and... I'm gonna die here.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45326

Dwight

What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? What are you doing..? Stop trying to figure me out.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45327

Robert

I just did.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45328

Dwight

You can't.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45329

Robert

It's done.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45330

Dwight

No, it's not.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45331

Robert

I know you now, your nature. I'm done. Not worth continuing.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45332

Dwight

Stop trying to figure me out. Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45333

Robert

I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45334

Dwight

Get out.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45335

Dwight

I'm gonna prevent inferior men from sullying my place of work with their weak, passionless leadership. Do you see my hat? No? That's because I just threw it in the ring.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45336

Merv

You guys pay for relocation, though, right?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45337

Toby

Well, why would you need relocation, if you already live in Scranton?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45338

Merv

Well, I'd want to move further away, you know? Just... I don't want any chance to run into my co-workers outside the office.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45339

Jim

Can I ask why you're leaving your current job?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45340

Merv

I'm leaving my other job because they were all jerks, really. You know, all of 'em. You had your jerk-wads, and your jerk-offs, so, just between the wads and the offs, I just... I had to get outta there.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45341

Jim

Is this a bad time to be doing this?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45342

Merv

I'm having a bad time.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45343

Toby

I'm sorry, if we did something to upset you, I'm sure it was inadvertent.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45344

Merv

Wait.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45345

Merv

Oh, why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? These are the nicest people I ever met.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45346

Angela

Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45347

Pam

It's gorgeous, Angela.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45348

Kelly

Yeah, I actually know about nice rings and it is gorgeous.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45349

Meredith

Wow...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45350

Angela

It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I? Naomi Judd?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45351

Meredith

Tell us the freaking story!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45352

Kevin

Yeah! Tell us a story.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45353

Angela

Okay. He took me to the replica of Monet's Japanese bridge, and then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally, I would hate, 'cause it's so civil rightsy. Then he got down on one knee, and he said, will you be a Senator's wife?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45354

Pam

Oh-ho-ho! He talked about himself in the third person?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45355

Angela

Yes, Pam. Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim. Oh, hey Pam, dude, whatever, wanna marry me?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45356

Pam

That's not accurate.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45357

Angela

Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. They always find us. And everyone was crying, even his aide.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45358

Oscar

Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited. But overall, horrified.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45359

Jim

Andy? You all set?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45360

Andy

Okay, guys, it's time. It's pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45361

Phyllis

Are you sure this is a good idea? I hate to see you disappointed.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45362

Andy

Augh.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45363

Erin

I think Andy should be the boss. He's just so great. If I'm being objective, then Darryl, of course.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45364

Jim

So, Andy, what improvements would you make as office manager?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45365

Andy

For starters, I really think we can streamline communication around here...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45366

Gabe

Whoa! That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45367

Andy

I wasn't acc-, accusing...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45368

Gabe

Well, Toby's in charge of Human Resources, that would include communication. I think that Toby's done a fine job.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45369

Andy

Right! I really wasn't trying to insult any, anyone.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45370

Toby

I didn't think you were.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45371

Gabe

I have two relationships with Andy. I have a personal relationship, and I have a professional relationship. Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat, and I think he's responsible for the demise of my relationship with Erin. Professionally,... he broke up the happiest couple in this office!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45372

Gabe

How many windows are there in New York City?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45373

Andy

What?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45374

Gabe

Critical thinking. Common, on-the-spot question asked in an interview.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45375

Andy

Okay. Let me think... are you counting car windows?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45376

Gabe

No... How far away is the Sun?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45377

Andy

Uh, 93 million miles.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45378

Jim

Is it?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45379

Andy

Yeah! And the diameter of the Sun is 870,000 miles, which makes it 109 times wider than the Earth, and... 333,000 times heavier than the Earth,...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45380

Gabe

Shut up about the Sun! SHUT UP about the SUN!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45381

Andy

I am unhappy with the confusing and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I WANTED IT TO GO BETTER!!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45382

Darryl

Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up and say 'Looks like you are writing a letter or resume. Would you like help? I believe his name was... Clippy.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45383

Creed

First of all, I want to thank you for your years of patronizing our company. I've got some bad news. We're going out of business. Saving face. Yep, yep. I understand that. Basically everything is falling apart here. Pam looks around the office and realizes only she has overheard this]

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45384

Pam

How is this on me?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45385

Pam

Hang up. Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture. Intel has told us there were at least seven.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45386

Creed

Okay I already see one, gimme. Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45387

Pam

They're the same picture.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45388

Kelly

Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, god, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45389

Jim

Your department's just you, right?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45390

Kelly

Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45391

Gabe

Great! Um, can we just...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45392

Kelly

What was that?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45393

Gabe

We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45394

Kelly

Am I not a serious candidate?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45395

Gabe

What do you want me to say? I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. We have a video CV from England. Are we all just gonna pretend to-- okay. Um, what are your weaknesses?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45396

Kelly

I don't have any, assh***.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45397

Dwight

I want an interview.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45398

Dwight

How's the family?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45399

Jim

Good!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45400

Dwight

Good. They good?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45401

Jim

Yeah.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45402

Dwight

What's your daughter's name again? Peepee?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45403

Jim

Peepa.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45404

Dwight

Peepa, how is she?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45405

Jim

Great.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45406

Dwight

Great! Oh, that's great... We never were very good at small talk, were we, Jim?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45407

Jim

No.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45408

Dwight

Now, listen,...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45409

Jim

You're not getting an interview, Dwight. The whole point of this Search Committee process is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45410

Dwight

Okay, I know why you're saying that, Jim, I really do, but think of it this way. The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45411

Jim

Okay. That's vivid.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45412

Dwight

I'm going to make you an offer. Okay? You even do so little as grant me an interview, I will guarantee you your dream work life. Okay? You roll in at 10 a.m. to your own private reserved parking spot, pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight's Caffeine Corner, unlimited sex breaks for you and Pam...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45413

Jim

Yikes.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45414

Dwight

Erin will eat garbage for your entertainment.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45415

Jim

Well, you know how I like taking bribes.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45416

Dwight

Ha ha!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45417

Jim

Unfortunately, Jo also took the job away from you because she doesn't trust your judgment. So how would that look for me, if I recommended you?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45418

Dwight

Fine. I'll do it without you, but you'll regret this.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45419

Jim

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45420

Dwight

Let me get that for you.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Line 45421

"Search Committee" Quotes (page 2)