Pam

We could get Deangelo flowers.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44965

Dwight

No, you can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44966

Phyllis

That's true.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44967

Jim

All in favor of the baskets full of chocolates, teddy bears, and balloons?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44968

Dwight

Wait, wait. All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline, and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44969

Jim

Nope. Baskets have it.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44970

Jim

So as it turns out, unless you're a young child or a prison inmate, you don't need anyone supervising you. People just come in and do their work on their schedule. Imagine that - people like us allowed to sell paper. Unsupervised. And yet, somehow it works. It must be because the stakes are so high.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44971

Jim

Well, I really appreciate the offer, but I'm just happy the way things are. Okay. Thank you. That was Jo, asking me if I wanted to take over as acting manager while they find a replacement. I told her... I don't want to mess this up, right? There's a consensus, people are happy.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44972

Dwight

Dwight Schrute. Yes, I would. Thank you. Jordan, gather my things from my desk.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44973

Jim

Wait...

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44974

Pam

What have you done?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44975

Dwight [on phone]

Mose... you'll never guess where I am right now.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44976

Mose

Aaaaahhhhh!

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44977

Pam

Can't stay there all day.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44978

Jim

I'm coming.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44979

Pam

Do I at least get to go with you in this fantasy?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44980

Jim

You'd slow me down.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44981

Jim

Dwight has been acting manager for three months now. No. A week. Just feels like three months. Let's see, we all have to punch in to a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has a slot about the size of a finger. We were all given new business cards big enough to set us apart from the competition, which is how I learned that our titles are all now Junior Employee. Our lunch breaks are staggered to prevent wasting time. Mine's at 10:30, and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44982

Pam

Stop stalling! Come on.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44983

All

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation...

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44984

All but Oscar

...under God...

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44985

All

...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44986

Angela

Amen.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44987

Dwight

Excellent. Morning announcements! There's been a problem with some people sharing copier codes. Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you, and you only, okay? Don't share it. Jo Bennett, our CEO, will be here today for a high-level meeting involving Gabe and myself.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44988

Erin

Ooh, about what?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44989

Dwight

That's on a need-to-know basis.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44990

Erin

I thought I needed to know for your calendar.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44991

Dwight

General meet-and-greet. So I expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44992

Jim

Question, if we already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44993

Dwight

Define foment.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44994

Jim

You define foment.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44995

Dwight

Please take note of the new color-coding system.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44996

Dwight

Aha!

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44997

Kelly

Oh my God, what is wrong with you?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44998

Dwight

Gotcha! Why are you late?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 44999

Kelly

It's none of your business, actually. It's very medical and personal.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45000

Dwight

All right. You stop me when I reach the diseased area.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45001

Andy

In fairness, Darryl did tell me that joke, so...

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45002

Erin

Oh! Darryl's funny.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45003

Andy

I know, right?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45004

Gabe

Hey, Andy?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45005

Andy

Yeah?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45006

Gabe

Can I talk to you a second about these client memos?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45007

Andy

Sure. What's going on?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45008

Gabe

Are you still in love with Erin?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45009

Andy

What?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45010

Gabe

Because I am. I need to get her back. I can't be alone anymore. Andy, do you like being alone with me right now?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45011

Andy

No, this is horrifying.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45012

Gabe

No. I don't like being alone with me either, okay? I have to get her back. Are you still gonna date her?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45013

Andy

We're just friends, okay?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45014

Gabe

Do you promise that?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45015

Andy

Yeah, fine, I promise. We'll never date again. Can we go outside now?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45016

Gabe

No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45017

Dwight

Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you think you're doing? What's this? What's the Fist?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45018

Jim

Oh, it's just a social club. You know, like the French Revolution, or the Black Panthers, or communism. It's just a club. Guys talking, you know.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45019

Dwight

You expect me to believe that you're starting a rebellion?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45020

Jim

Nope. Social club. God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45021

Dwight

Okay, you know what? I would love to join The Fist.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45022

Jim

And we would love to have you. But not today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything, but I have noted it.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45023

Kevin

One...

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45024

Stanley

[refills his coffee near a sign that reads 'Honor System: $0.50' with a camera pointed at it]

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45025

Andy

Pam, I have to show you this video. You're gonna love it. It's Beyonce falling with a fart mixed in.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45026

Dwight

I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin. Acting Manager.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45027

Kevin

No food now? Someone has to do something about Dwight!

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45028

Creed

He put some snacks in the freezer for us.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45029

Pam

You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45030

Creed

No. The blueberry Slurpee pouch.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45031

Phyllis

He means the ice pack.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45032

Erin

2:00 should probably be okay. I can either take your number or -

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45033

Gabe

I'm sorry. This can't wait.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45034

Erin

He's just gonna call back.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45035

Gabe

Erin, I am in love with you. I don't believe in much, okay? I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. Uh, uh, I sure as hell don't believe in God.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45036

Erin

What?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45037

Gabe

Or maybe there's a God. I don't know. I mean, it's just not a guy with a long white beard. Or it could be. I mean, it's possible that that is exactly what - what God is. But for all of the disbelief I believe in us. I believe in love. You have made me believe that for all of the hokum out... there... uh, do we not have voicemail?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45038

Erin

Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45039

Gabe

Well... it's just... it messes up my rhythm.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45040

Erin

I'm taking a break from dating. Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45041

Jim

Wow, you've really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45042

Dwight

Ah, Jim, Jim, Jim. The gun is a Beaumont-Adams. Jo collects them. I thought we could have some nice small talk about it. And the piranha's a rescue.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45043

Jim

And the desk.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45044

Dwight

The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek. Listen, I'm a very busy man. Let's get right down to business.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45045

Jim

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45046

Dwight

Jo is coming later today. I cannot have a subordinate trying to make me look stupid. Okay? I need you to promise me that you'll be on your best behavior.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45047

Jim

I promise...d other people that I would be on my worst behavior. And I gave them my word, so...

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45048

Dwight

Don't make me fire you.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45049

Jim

You can't fire me. You're acting manager. Not office manager. So you have no firing powers.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45050

Dwight

Don't make me pre-fire you.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45051

Jim

You wouldn't dare.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45052

Dwight

Watch this. You're pre-fired. And when I'm promoted, you'll be full fired.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45053

Jim

If you get promoted, and if you haven't fallen in love with me by then.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45054

Dwight

What?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45055

Jim

If I had thought that there was a real chance that Dwight would be permanent manager, I would have pre-quit. And you might be saying to yourself, 'Well that's pretty premature to think,' but I always say, it's better to be pre-pre-preprepared.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45056

Dwight

How you doing, Jordan?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45057

Jordan

I'm good.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45058

Dwight

Everyone here thinks that you're a joke. They think that you were hired because of your good looks, which won't last long anyway. As your pale skin and severe bone structure imply, you'll age swiftly and poorly.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45059

Jordan

Why are you telling me this?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45060

Dwight

Now I want you to find out what people are saying about me, things they don't want me to know abou-Ohh... it's a holster.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45061

Dwight

Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Lookin' good. Ohh... Oh, what a day. What a day.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45062

Pam

Dwight, are you carrying a gun?

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45063

Dwight

The holster was a gift from my great-uncle Honk. Um, I don't know. I guess he's saying that he's proud of me.

Season 7 · Episode 23 · Line 45064

"Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager" Quotes