Every line from The Office season 6, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 15, 2009.
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Dwight
It's true, he's clean. I have a couple of friends still on the force. Checked with them. Ran his Fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take. Turns out he's a totally lovely guy. Sweetest guy on the force really.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32539
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Andy
Class act. Boy scout.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32540
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Michael
But Grotti acts like he's mafia though.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32541
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Andy
He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. He's just a pushy salesman.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32542
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Dwight
And he made us all look like chumps!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32543
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Michael
[grunts]
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32544
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Michael
If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia it is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se. But I would just get really quiet, all of a sudden.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32545
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Grotti
This is Grotti.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32546
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Michael
This is Scott.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32547
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Grotti
Oh! Great. Michael, I'm finishing up your paperwork right now.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32548
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Michael
Oh really? Is that supposed to scare me?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32549
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Grotti
I, I thought you'd be pleased.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32550
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Michael
Well you thought wrong. Because I am not pleased. I'm actually kind of PO'd.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32551
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Grotti
What?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32552
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Michael
I think you know exactly why, because you were trying to scare me into buying insurance.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32553
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Grotti
I don't get it. How was I scaring you?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32554
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Michael
I think you knew exactly what you were doing. And frankly I think you were being a total and utter jerk.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32555
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Andy
Whoa. Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32556
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Michael
You suck!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32557
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Dwight
Okay that's-
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32558
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Michael
And I'm not gonna buy your stupid insurance.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32559
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Dwight
That's good, let's wrap it up.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32560
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Michael
How about that? The only person that actually needs insurance is you, if you show your face around here again, got it?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32561
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Grotti
Look, Michael, when we all calm down here, maybe at some point in the future, you change your mind, why don't you give me a call?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32562
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Michael
Doubt it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32563
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Dwight and Andy
Oh man.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32564
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Michael
What a tool. What?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32565
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Andy
Next time you look in the mirror, you're gonna be looking at a guy who stood down the mafia!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32566
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Michael
No. What do you mean?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32567
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Dwight
We just told you he wasn't mafia, so you wouldn't be scared.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32568
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Michael
What?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32569
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Dwight
You successfully backed down the mob!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32570
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Andy
You made the mafia apologize to you! You made the mafia be polite!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32571
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Michael
Oh man. I should be mad at you guys. But I'm not.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32572
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Michael
So I looked him in the eye and I said, 'Not today Grotti, Not today. And not tomorrow, and not the next day. Or the day after that. And you can tell all your friends that if I see them, then they're already dead.' I said something like that.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32573
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Dwight
Very close.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32574
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Oscar
Just to be clear, he backed down an insurance agent from Mutual of Harrisburg.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32575
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Michael
Erin?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32576
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Erin
Yes?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32577
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Michael
Coffee?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32578
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Erin
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32579
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Michael
Not from the kitchen. Stop and Shop. If it's not Stop and Shop, I send it back.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32580
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Erin
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32581
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Michael
Large. If it's a medium I send it back. If it's an extra large I send it back.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32582
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Erin
How do you return coffee?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32583
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Michael
Go. Any questions?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32584
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Pam
Are you kidding me?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32585
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Kevin
Hi Pam, is Jim there?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32586
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Pam
Listen our credit card has been cancelled and we have to deal with that, and I really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32587
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Kevin
Okay, that sounds good. Um, I'll let you go, just -tell Jim, that I said hi.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32588
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Pam
Oh I will. I will Kevin. I will make that my top priority.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32589
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Kevin
Cool. Okay. Bye.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32590
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Kevin
They have no idea what happened.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32591