Every line from The Office season 6, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 15, 2009.
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Kevin
Oh God. I wouldn't last in jail Oscar. I'm not like you.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32439
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Oscar
What's that supposed to mean?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32440
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Kevin
Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would love jail.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32441
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Oscar
Why would I love jail?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32442
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Kevin
Because... You would love it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32443
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Michael
I don't think our company actually needs any more insurance. So I am out.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32444
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Grotti
Look closely Michael. I feel there's a plan here for you.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32445
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Andy
Maybe we have a plan for you?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32446
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Grotti
How about you? Maybe you can use supplemental coverage of some kind. Anybody can get hurt! You always think, it can't happen to you, and Think about it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32447
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Woman
Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. Are you a mechanic?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32448
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Andy
Yeeeeah.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32449
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Woman
My battery is dead, I've got my kid, can you please help?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32450
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Andy
Yes I can.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32451
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Michael
No, no no, no. Come on. I'm sorry, we're having our salad.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32452
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Grotti
Come on! Lady in distress? Go! Go!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32453
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Andy
Okay!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32454
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Woman
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32455
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Michael
Hey, do you need any help?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32456
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Grotti
I'm sure he can handle a simple jump-start. Now come on, sit down.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32457
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Michael
He's a good mechanic.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32458
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Grotti
Where were we?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32459
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Michael
I don't...
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32460
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Dwight
He was trying to force you to decide on a policy.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32461
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Michael
Okay, okay okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32462
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Dwight
So we're choosing...
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32463
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Michael
Yep, all right.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32464
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Dwight
Check out Dental?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32465
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Michael
Put it down.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32466
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Andy
Black goes on the red. With the... If we... Positive... Mo- it being a motor drive, it's probably down.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32467
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Kid
He seems bad at this.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32468
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Andy
You want to do this junior? I didn't think so. Sorry. It's kind of a long day at the... mechanic store. Aaaah! You got a leaky spark tube.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32469
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Woman
What?!?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32470
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Andy
So your car's totaled. Uh, you're just gonna want to get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it. He's great. But uh, I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32471
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Grotti
Now if you could just sign this letter of intent, I'll bring this back to my boss, and we can get this in motion. You okay, Pat?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32472
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Andy
Yeah. Just thinking about how, uh, I had this car, this Italian car, and I was driving it, and it kept telling me how much it needed oil, but I wouldn't give it any oil. And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone and that's what I'm afraid of.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32473
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Grotti
Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in the car?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32474
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Andy
It was before, my tech- my technical training.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32475
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Dwight
Don't do it!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32476
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Andy
Do it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32477
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Dwight
Don't.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32478
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Andy
Just do it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32479
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32480
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Grotti
Look Mike, I don't know what your friends are telling you, but you have to decide for yourself. Are these guys gonna take care of your things if you die tomorrow?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32481
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32482
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32483
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Dwight
I don't understand, why would you buy a policy?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32484
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Michael
It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32485
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Andy
You were man enough to back down Michael, I'm proud of you.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32486
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Michael
I had to make a snap decision Dwight.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32487
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Dwight
It wasn't a snap decision, you were sitting there for an hour.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32488
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Michael
It was a lot of snap decisions.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32489
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Dwight
Do you know what 'snap decision' means?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32490
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Michael
Yes!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32491
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Dwight
It means like this.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32492
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Michael
Just get in the car.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32493
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Jim
Hello?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32494
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Michael
Jim?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32495
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Jim
Michael?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32496
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Michael
Oh thank God.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32497
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Jim
How did you get this number? Michael, we're on a catamaran.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32498
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Michael
It wasn't easy. I had to tell the hotel it was a medical emergency. I chose massive coronary, cause you told me that your Dad had a bad heart. Listen man, I, I got a problem, I think I'm in trouble with the mob. Or a major insurance carrier.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32499
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Jim
That sounds bad.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32500
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Michael
Yeah, I know and you usually can get out of stuff like this, so I'm turning to you my friend.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32501
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Jim
I'm gonna help you through it all right?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32502
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Michael
Okay!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32503
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Jim
All you're gonna need to and- it- and then go to--
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32504
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Michael
Jim? Are you?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32505
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Jim
And then you'll be saved.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32506
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Michael
What? Wait, I didn't hear a thing you just said.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32507
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Jim
Just and then you'll be saved.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32508
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Michael
No! God! I missed, I missed the important part again!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32509
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Jim
A- ah--
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32510
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Michael
No! Oh my God!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32511
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Jim
And you'll be saved.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32512
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Michael
No, Jim please, repeat what you're saying! I can't understand you!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32513
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Jim
I at the Bermuda Triangle. An- M- please don't call again.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32514
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Michael
Jim?!? Oh my God.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32515
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Michael
Hey uh, question for you. I recently purchased some insurance that I can't afford given my present salary. Is there anything accounting-wise I can do to sort of make it all go away?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32516
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Oscar
Accounting-wise, no. But phone-wise, just call up and cancel it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32517
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Michael
Oh no. Um. What about this Cash For Clunkers thing?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32518
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Oscar
Just- no. No.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32519
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Michael
All right. Well, it was a thought. Thanks.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32520
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Dwight
We have let Michael down, and it's 85 percent your fault.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32521
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Andy
He's alive. So you're welcome.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32522
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Dwight
Not on the inside he's not. Look at his life! Broke! Living in fear! No friends, dead end job.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32523
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Andy
Yeah, some of that existed before.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32524
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Dwight
Not the living in fear, that's new.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32525
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Andy
You're right, that is new.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32526
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Dwight
Yes. He's got to stand up to this mafia guy.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32527
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Andy
Well I don't see that happening.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32528
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Dwight
Me neither. Not the way things are now. But what if Michael felt no fear toward the mafia guy?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32529
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Andy
Are you saying-
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32530
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Dwight
Yeah...
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32531
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Andy
That we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32532
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Dwight
What is wrong with you? I am talking about convincing Michael that the guy's not mafia!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32533
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Andy
That seems a little far-fetched.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32534
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Dwight
Well more far-fetched than a mobster walking into a paper company for a low-level shakedown? And that happened.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32535
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Dwight
Michael. Incredible news. Grotti is clean.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32536
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Michael
No. He's not. He's just good. Nothing sticks to him. You still don't understand how this works.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32537
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Andy
No, Michael. What we're trying to say is, we made a mistake assuming he was mafia. I have a buddy who's a Fed, and we did a background check on the guy. His background is perfectly clean.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32538