Every line from The Office season 6, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 15, 2009.
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Dwight
That's bad.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32339
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32340
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Dwight
That's bad.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32341
-
Michael
Yeah. What are my options here? Do I just ignore it, or?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32342
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Andy
Yeah right! You heard him! He's gonna burn down the warehouse or run one of our trucks off the road.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32343
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Michael
Okay, I'm calling the police.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32344
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Andy
That is the stupidest thing you could do right now!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32345
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Dwight
He's right. Cops can't do anything until a crime has been reported.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32346
-
Michael
All right.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32347
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Andy
Not only that, but if they find out you snitched, you get a dead horses chopped off head in your bed!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32348
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Michael
Shh!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32349
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Dwight
You know what?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32350
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Michael
That's not gonna happen.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32351
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Dwight
That's an exaggeration.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32352
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Andy
That's how it works!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32353
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Michael
What am I supposed to do here?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32354
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Andy
When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. Okay you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32355
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Michael
I was thinking exactly the same thing.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32356
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Dwight
No, criminals are like raccoons. Okay, you give 'em a taste of cat food pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32357
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Andy
Dwight...
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32358
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Dwight
The only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32359
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Michael
I don't know, I don't know about that.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32360
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Andy
Wait let's hear him out, this is interesting.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32361
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Dwight
Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place. Ask him to lunch or something like that, some place he can't be openly violent.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32362
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Andy
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32363
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Dwight
Let him know you're not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down. That you're stubborn. That you might even be a little bit dangerous.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32364
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Andy
I like this plan. I'd like to officially withdraw my plan.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32365
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Michael
Hold on, hold on! Just-
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32366
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Andy
No, no, no. My plan is out! We do this the hard way.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32367
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Michael
All right. I will meet with him, but I'm not going alone.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32368
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Andy
Well you're gonna have to. Dwight: We'll be right beside you.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32369
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Andy
What?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32370
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Michael
What are you wearing? Who's Pat?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32371
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Andy
Well if I'm gonna back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion, and I have to justify it somehow so, I'm a mechanic with a tire thing.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32372
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Dwight
Do you know how to use it?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32373
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Andy
To change tires, no. But it's metal, I can hit somebody with it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32374
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Michael
Let's go, come on. God!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32375
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Andy
Should I change?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32376
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Dwight
You're wearing loafers!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32377
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Michael
Forget it! Forget it!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32378
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Michael
Take that thing off the table! Please!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32379
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Andy
Well then I can't use it. I'm just gonna hide it.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32380
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Dwight
Hey. Bathroom checks out clean. Nothing behind the toilet except for this roach motel.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32381
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Andy
Oh! God!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32382
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Michael
Oh my God!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32383
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Dwight
You'll never kill it that way. You want to separate the head from the thorax-
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32384
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Michael
Guys, guys. Cool it. There he is, there he is.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32385
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Michael
Hello.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32386
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Grotti
Mr. Scott.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32387
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Michael
Mr. Grotti we meet again. These are my associates.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32388
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Grotti
Hi. Angelo Grotti.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32389
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Andy
Hi.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32390
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Dwight
Hello.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32391
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Grotti
So, you got this table?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32392
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Michael
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32393
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Grotti
This is one of those half booths, can't-decide-what-it-is type of thing.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32394
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Michael
Well.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32395
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Grotti
Waitress, we're gonna sit over here.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32396
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Waitress
That's fine.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32397
-
Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32398
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Kevin
Hello.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32399
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Credit card rep
Hello Mr. Halpert. I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32400
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Kevin
Oh man, do you think it was stolen?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32401
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Rep
First would you mind verifying your home address?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32402
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Kevin
Um, yes. Um, 383 Linden Ave., Scranton PA
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32403
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Rep
And may I have the last four numbers of your Social Security Number?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32404
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Kevin
Six-six-five-zero.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32405
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Rep
Well Mr. Halpert. You're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32406
-
Kevin
Wait a minute. Yes I am.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32407
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Rep
I'm going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32408
-
Kevin
No. That... I, I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32409
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Rep
Very funny sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32410
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Kevin
No-
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32411
-
Rep
Have a nice day, and thank you!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32412
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Kevin
Shoot.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32413
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Grotti
If you want to supplement your coverage, we can do that. If you want to replace your current coverage, all the better. Ah, you seem like a nice guy.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32414
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Dwight
Oh he's not that nice.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32415
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Michael
That's not true.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32416
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Andy
Hmm. Very true.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32417
-
Michael
Okay shut up.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32418
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Waitress
Have you decided?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32419
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Grotti
Yeah, I'll have the linguini, red sauce on the side. If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back. I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. If it comes burnt, I will send it back.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32420
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Waitress
Okay then. And for you sir?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32421
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Michael
I will have the gabba-gool.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32422
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Waitress
The... what?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32423
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Michael
The gabba-gool.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32424
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Waitress
I don't really know what that is.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32425
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Andy
You know, gabba-gool.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32426
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Michael
I don't, I don't have to have that.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32427
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Dwight
What he's trying to say is, Gabba. Gool.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32428
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Michael
Guys, guys-
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32429
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Waitress
I don't really think that we have that.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32430
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Michael
That's okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32431
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Dwight
Bring him the gabba-gool!
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32432
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Michael
Shh. I will have the spaghetti, with a side salad.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32433
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Waitress
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32434
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Michael
If the salad is on top, I send it back.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32435
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Oscar
Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards?
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32436
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Kevin
I usually can think quick on my feet, but they were so fast on the phone.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32437
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Oscar
This constitutes identity fraud.
Season 6 · Episode 5 · Line 32438