Every line from The Office season 6, episode 22, in script order. First aired May 6, 2010.
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Dwight
Stop it!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37535
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Jim
Stop what?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37536
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Dwight
You're talking about me in Morse Code. Well, you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37537
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Jim
Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37538
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Jim
Yup. That's exactly what we did.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37539
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Pam
It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, 'I will when you lose the baby weight.'
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37540
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Dwight
Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize. Detonator. Detonator where? Michael!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37541
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Michael
Jim. Are you clicking a detonator?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37542
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Jim
It's a pen.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37543
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Dwight
Michael, come on.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37544
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Michael
Get back to work, Dwight. Please.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37545
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Dwight
Fine. Hey. Tap away.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37546
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Michael
Ooh! Things with Donna are so... oh-ho-ho! They're going great. I, uh... we're just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and... orally and I am not used to relationships going this well. I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37547
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Michael
Who enjoys the weekends? Of course. Now the weekend is always great if you have someone, which I do. I have Donna. She is hot. She has a Pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have sex. Did I say that? Yes, I did. And the reason you are here is that I need ideas for things that Donna and I could do on the weekend. So just shout it out.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37548
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Stanley
I have an idea for your weekend.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37549
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37550
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Stanley
Let me get back to my desk right now.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37551
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Michael
Okay, you get out of here, big dog. Ah, no, no, no, no. You guys sit down. I need ideas.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37552
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Pam
Stanley got to go.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37553
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Michael
Yeah, well, Stanley doesn't help with anything. Come on. Shout 'em out, shout 'em out.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37554
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Andy
Walk around apple orchards.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37555
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Michael
Oh!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37556
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Andy
Super romantic.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37557
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Michael
That's fun.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37558
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Dwight
Eel fishing.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37559
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Michael
All right.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37560
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Darryl
Curl up with your favorite DVD.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37561
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Meredith
You and Donna should hit the Poconos. They have heart-shaped Jacuzzis. Room enough for three.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37562
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Michael
We actually went to the Poconos last Tuesday. We headed up there, we went to a little Chinese bistro, um, P.F. Chang's.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37563
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Kelly
Wait, why would you go all the way to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's when we have the Great Wall in Scranton.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37564
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Michael
Because when your super-hot girlfriend says, 'I wanna go to Mount Pocono,' you go to Mount Pocono and you do her. And we screwed. Whoops. TMI.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37565
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Kelly
Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37566
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Michael
You know what, Kelly? This is the real world. Not The Real World: Scranton. Oh my God, this is super weird. When Ryan had two girlfriends, he used to take me to some diner in Hazelton just so the other girl wouldn't see.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37567
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Ryan
Some diner?! It was the Starlight Diner! It's in a LIFE magazine spread about Americana.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37568
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Michael
You guys think Donna's cheating on me?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37569
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Pam
No, Michael, no.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37570
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Dwight
Are you nuts?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37571
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Pam
You had a nice meal with your girlfriend in a lovely place...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37572
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Michael
... and... we had sex, too.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37573
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Pam
That is right. Don't make any more of it.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37574
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Michael
How?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37575
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Pam
How what?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37576
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Michael
How do I not make any more of it?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37577
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Pam
You could start by concluding this meeting.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37578
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Michael
All right. And she won't say, 'I love you.'
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37579
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Dwight
Oh, no.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37580
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Andy
How many dates have you been on?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37581
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Michael
Nine dates. I said it on the second date.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37582
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Andy
Mm.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37583
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Oscar
That seems... quick. Even for lesbians.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37584
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Ryan
Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37585
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Ryan
Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37586
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Michael
Yeah, she does all that.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37587
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Ryan
Sorry, dude.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37588
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Michael
No, no...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37589
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Pam
Michael, do not let your imagination run amok.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37590
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Michael
Run what?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37591
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Pam
Amok. It means, don't let your imagination run out of control.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37592
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Michael
Why didn't you just say that, Pam?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37593
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Pam
Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37594
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Michael
Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37595
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Jim
You do?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37596
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Michael
Yes, Jim, I do. And I can't stay in a relationship that is full of lies and deceit.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37597
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Jim
But you didn't believe any of this was true five minutes ago.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37598
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Michael
That's what makes it so wrong.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37599
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Michael
Ever since I found out that Donna might be cheating on me, I have not eaten or slept. This not knowing, that's what's killing me.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37600
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Dwight
Oh, God, that tickles. What did...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37601
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Michael
I want someone to follow Donna. I want her tailed. I need the name of a good private investigator.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37602
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Dwight
I think I've got one for you.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37603
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Michael
This is you. How much do you charge?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37604
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Dwight
$100 a day, plus expenses.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37605
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Michael
I'll give you $50. Money's no object.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37606
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Dwight
I'm just gonna warn you... and I say this to all my clients... you might not like what I find.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37607
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Michael
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37608
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Dwight
And you might not like how I find it.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37609
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Andy
Of course. Yeah, that's terrible. Okay, let me get back to you. Hey, Stanley. One of my clients just called and said that their Sabre printer started smoking and caught on fire.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37610
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Stanley
My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37611
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Andy
Hey, Gabe I need to talk to you about something. It's really important.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37612
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Gabe
There's no way that you guys have any almond butter, right?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37613
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Andy
Yeah, I don't know. Look, one of my clients called. He was in the middle of a big printing job and the back of the printer started smoking and then the paper tray caught on fire.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37614
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Gabe
That's weird. I haven't heard of that happening. I would even settle for apricot preserves.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37615
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Andy
What are we gonna do about this?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37616
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Gabe
I don't know. Call HQ, see if they know anything. Yeah. That's what I'll do today. All right. Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37617
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Andy
Let me know what they say.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37618
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Darryl
Wow. That dude is good.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37619
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Andy
What do you mean?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37620
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Darryl
You didn't feel like he was hiding something?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37621
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Andy
I don't know.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37622
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Darryl
Like he was... covering something up? Maybe.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37623
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Darryl
Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment that he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad. Almost lost my job, and I was mad as hell at the time. But I said 'Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. There's gonna be an opportunity. Just be patient.'
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37624
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Dwight
Hi stranger.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37625
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Donna
Oh, hi. You work for Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37626
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Dwight
I work with Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37627
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Donna
Right.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37628
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Dwight
Dwight Schrute.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37629
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Donna
Donna, hi.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37630
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Dwight
All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna Is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37631
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Jim
That's interesting. Wow, it's a little early for ice cream, don't you think?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37632
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Michael
It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37633
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Pam
Oh!...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37634