Every line from The Office season 6, episode 22, in script order. First aired May 6, 2010.
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Jim
Oh, my God
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37635
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Michael
It's comfort food, all right? God.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37636
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Jim
You know Michael, this whole Donna thing is gonna be okay, you just... stop beating yourself up.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37637
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Michael
I know. Well, I hope you're right. We'll see what Dwight says.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37638
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Pam
Why do we have to see what Dwight says?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37639
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Michael
Because I have him investigating her. I'm waiting for a text update.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37640
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Jim
Michael, no...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37641
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Pam
No, no, no, no. Undo that. Undo that.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37642
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Michael
It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37643
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Pam
Michael. Okay, I'm... I'm going to talk straight to you because I think you need to hear it. Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37644
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Michael
God, this is so disgusting.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37645
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Pam
Stop eating it! Do you wanna be happy? Look at you. You have a major self-destructive streak in you.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37646
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Michael
I know.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37647
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Pam
And you kind of torpedo every romantic relationship you're in.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37648
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Michael
That's not true. You're right, I ruin everything. And I've known some wonderful women. Holly, Carol, Jan.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37649
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Pam
Helene.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37650
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Michael
Helene?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37651
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Pam
My mother.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37652
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Michael
Oh.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37653
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Pam
My mother, Helene.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37654
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Michael
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. All of, all of the greatest loves of my life.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37655
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Jim
You should stop this, and you should call Dwight right now.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37656
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Michael
All right.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37657
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Dwight
Oh, gosh, we were both going for the same weight at the same time; you go ahead.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37658
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Donna
Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37659
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Dwight
It's all yours. Ah!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37660
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Donna
You okay?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37661
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Dwight
Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37662
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Donna
Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37663
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Dwight
Tractor pulling. Too bad there's not a tractor here.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37664
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Dwight
Oh. Oh. Oh. One thing you need to know about me. I don't quit until something tears or pops. You look like you're getting a good workout. Can I feel your pulse?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37665
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Donna
Nope. I'm good, thanks.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37666
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Dwight
Really? Hey, um...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37667
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Old Lady
Look, young man, can you wipe down that seat?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37668
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Dwight
Get out of my way. Huh!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37669
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Dwight
Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37670
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Donna
I'm out of here.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37671
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Dwight
Donna. Donna, wait, please. I'm sorry. Okay? Listen. We both know why I'm here: to see... you... naked... while... I'm... naked.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37672
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Donna
You stay away from me, or I'm calling security.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37673
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Dwight
Donna, come... Ah! Grr! Ugh!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37674
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Michael
You're back. What happened?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37675
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Dwight
Oh, I pulled muscles in both my thighs. Thanks for asking.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37676
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Michael
No, what happened with Donna?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37677
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Dwight
Yeah, no. She's not cheating. Oh, man! Will you help me work out this knot? Right here.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37678
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Michael
Ugh!
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37679
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Dwight
Put your fingers here.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37680
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Michael
No. No! Are you sure?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37681
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Dwight
I'm positive. Yeah, oh, and here's your expense receipts right there.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37682
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Michael
Who eats eight protein bars?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37683
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Dwight
People who don't trust egg whites.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37684
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Michael
Okay. Well, I am just glad this is all over.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37685
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Dwight
Oh, me too. And by the way, uh, I told her not to, but she's coming over here and she's furious.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37686
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Michael
What? No, she didn't say that.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37687
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Dwight
You're right. I was paraphrasing. What she actually said was, 'What is with him? He is crazy. I'm coming over there to talk to him.' And this was after I have no other recourse but to tell her and gym security that you had me sent there to see if she was cheating. Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly. [lays down gym membership receipt on a chair in Michael's office.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37688
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Michael
I am not paying for that membership.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37689
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Michael
Ohhh... mmm...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37690
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Erin
Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own office.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37691
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Michael
No, I like the attention. Is she here yet?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37692
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Erin
Uh, no. Wait, yes.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37693
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Michael
That's her?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37694
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Erin
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37695
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Michael
Mm-hmm. Right. Right. Right. Okay, I'll talk to you later.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37696
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Donna
How could you think I would cheat on you?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37697
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Michael
I didn't. Everybody else here did. Everybody convinced me that something was up. They poisoned my mind.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37698
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Donna
That's pathetic.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37699
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Michael
Ye... pfff. Well, no. It's a lie. That's not what happened. I just like you. I can't believe I get to be with you. You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37700
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Donna
When I tell you I like you, you need to trust me, not some freak.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37701
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Michael
If you wanna dump me, I totally get it.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37702
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Donna
I told you I like you.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37703
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Michael
Well, you are boner-ific.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37704
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Donna
Hey, if I said that we should go away for a couple of days, you would...
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37705
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Michael
...poop my pants.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37706
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Donna
Have you ever been to Vero Beach?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37707
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Michael
Oh, my God, Vero Beach. No. Is that on the water?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37708
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Donna
We're going.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37709
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Michael
We are?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37710
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Donna
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37711
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Andy
What's up? I got your e-mail.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37712
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Darryl
Close the door.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37713
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Andy
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37714
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Darryl
I don't have a plan exactly. More of a loose structure. Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz. Andy don't mess with me. I'll figure something out.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37715
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Darryl
Some freaky stuff going on. I was walking behind Gabe and I heard some things.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37716
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Andy
Such as?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37717
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Darryl
It was kind of mumbled, I don't know, uh, only thing I could make out clearly was 'Andy,' 'Problem,' 'Eliminate,' something. I don't know what it meant.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37718
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Andy
What? You don't know what it meant? How about 'Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him?'
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37719
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Darryl
Whoa. I hadn't even thought of that.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37720
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Andy
Yeah. Hah. Hoo.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37721
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Kelly
Oh, hey, I love your earrings.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37722
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Donna
Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37723
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Kelly
Did Michael get them for you?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37724
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Donna
No, I bought them myself.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37725
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Kelly
Where?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37726
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Donna
Steamtown Mall.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37727
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Kelly
Claire's? Zales? Ricky's? Earring, Earrings? Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat? Where?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37728
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Donna
You know, I actually got them in Philadelphia, in a mall down there.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37729
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Kelly
Franklin Mills? King of Prussia? Springfield? Governor's Place?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37730
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Donna
Uh, Franklin Mills.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37731
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Jim
What?
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37732
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Pam
Hmm? Oh. It's probably nothing.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37733
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Pam
Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not something that a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 22 · Line 37734