Every quote from The Office season 6, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 17, 2009.
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Michael
A week? A month? A year?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31084
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Jim
Michael, we only told our parents last week.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31085
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Michael
Did you pee on a stick?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31086
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Jim
I did. It was inconclusive.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31087
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Michael
You should've told me.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31088
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Pam
You're right. We should've realized that you are an equal part of this.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31089
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Michael
[phone rings, hits speaker button]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31090
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Erin
Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31091
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Michael
[gasps]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31092
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Pam
You called Stanley's wife?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31093
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Michael
Oh, oh... yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... oh God.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31094
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Jim
Don't take it.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31095
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Michael
No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31096
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Pam
If you talk to her, you're gonna tell her about Stanley, and that's gonna seem more suspicious.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31097
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Michael
No, no, I can do this.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31098
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Jim
You can't do this.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31099
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Michael
Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31100
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Jim
That sounds terrible.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31101
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Pam
Michael, please don't.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31102
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Michael
Hey, what up, Cynthia?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31103
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Jim
[gets up to leave room, Michael gestures for him to stay]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31104
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Michael
Hold on a second, Cynthia.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31105
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Jim
[hangs up Michael's phone, leaves room]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31106
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Michael
Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So... you can't stop love, I guess and quite frankly, I don't think you should ever try.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31107
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Maurie
I learned that a company can describe their internship as 'full of exciting experiences,' even if that's a lie. There's no regulation.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31108
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Megan
I learned that half these people's email password is 'password.'
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31109
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Eric
I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31110
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Megan
I thought it was 500.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31111
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Eric
Oh... I guess I didn't learn anything.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31112
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Maurie
I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you 'Jet Li' all summer.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31113
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Megan
Julia Stiles.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31114
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Eric
Alan Thicke.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31115