Every quote from The Office season 6, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 17, 2009.
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Michael
Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30784
-
Dwight & Andy
[rush into office, Andy climbs on reception desk, Dwight holds video camera]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30785
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Andy
Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30786
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Dwight
Extreme! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30787
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Jim
This... is Parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30788
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Dwight
[stands on his hands kicking open bathroom doors as Andy films, Meredith is seen applying deodorant in women's bathroom]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30789
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Dwight & Andy
Parkour! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30790
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Dwight
Andy! Leapfrog!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30791
-
Andy
Do me! Do me!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30792
-
Dwight
Yeah! Parkour! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30793
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Andy
Ow! Get off! Get off!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30794
-
Dwight
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30795
-
Andy & Michael
Parkour! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30796
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Dwight
Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30797
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Michael
Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30798
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Andy
Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30799
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Michael & Dwight
Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30800
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Andy
Hardcore Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30801
-
Michael
Parkoooooour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30802
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Dwight
Let's do it!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30803
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Andy
[leaps from trailer, disappears into empty refrigerator box]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30804
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Michael & Dwight
[look down, appearing shocked and concerned]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30805
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Andy
Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30806
-
Dwight
Good. Excellent. Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30807
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Female Intern
There you go. Is there anything else I can do?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30808
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Dwight
Yes. Umm... see those files behind Kevin's desk?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30809
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Female Intern
Mm hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30810
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Dwight
Go put them all in random order.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30811
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Female Intern
Mm-kay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30812
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Dwight
Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30813
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Pam
This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. He didn't do anything sexual. He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30814
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Meredith
Think she did him?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30815
-
Oscar
I bet there's something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30816
-
Kelly
If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30817
-
Michael
Who's getting married?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30818
-
Pam
Nobody.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30819
-
Michael
If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30820
-
Kelly
It's Eric and Megan.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30821
-
Michael
Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30822
-
Phyllis
They're not getting married. It's just talk.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30823
-
Michael
Did everybody know about this but me?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30824
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Phyllis
There's nothing to know, it's just gossip.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30825
-
Michael
Okay... okay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30826
-
Pam
We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30827
-
Jim
Well, with her being unmarried... knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30828
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Pam
Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30829
-
Jim
Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30830
-
Pam
Nope.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30831
-
Jim
No shotgun... 'cause that changes everything.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30832
-
Pam
Can't back out now, Halpert.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30833
-
Jim
What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... free at last, free at last!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30834
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Pam
No, keep it up.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30835
-
Michael
You'll never guess what I know.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30836
-
Dwight
Okay, let me finish this thought.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30837
-
Michael
Eric likes Megan.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30838
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Dwight
He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30839
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Michael
How do you know this?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30840
-
Dwight
People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones. And... boom. Okay, what is it, what can't I guess?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30841
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Michael
I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30842
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Michael
Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said 'The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.'
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30843
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Maurie
What are you talking about?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30844
-
Michael
I'm talking about your group date with Megan and Eric.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30845
-
Maurie
At Tink's?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30846
-
Michael
Yes
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30847
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Maurie
How'd you know about that?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30848
-
Michael
Well...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30849
-
Maurie
Did Stanley tell you?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30850
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Michael
Stanley was on your group date?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30851
-
Maurie
No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn't wave back.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30852
-
Michael
Does anybody else know about this?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30853
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Maurie
No.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30854
-
Michael
[laughs, looks to camera excitedly]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30855
-
Michael
There he goes. There he goes.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30856
-
Michael
So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30857
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Dwight, Jim & Pam
[stare blankly at Michael]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30858
-
Michael
Nothing? Well I got a little somethin' somethin'. I don't know if I should say...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30859
-
Pam
Just keep it to yourself then.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30860
-
Michael
Stanly is having a midlife crisis.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30861
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Dwight
Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30862
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Michael
Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30863
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Phyllis
Teri's out of town, Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30864
-
Michael
Who?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30865
-
Phyllis
Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30866
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Michael
[starts to speak, says nothing, walks away]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30867
-
Michael
You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30868
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Maurie
What are you talking about?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30869
-
Michael
Stanley's wife is out of town.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30870
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Maurie
He was with somebody.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30871
-
Eric
He was definitely with somebody.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30872
-
Michael
Oh, was he? Well who, his sister?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30873
-
Eric
[chuckles]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30874
-
Michael
I don't get it!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30875
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Eric
If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30876
-
Michael
Drugs?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30877
-
Eric
Making out.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30878
-
Michael
Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30879
-
Michael
Stanley is having an affir.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30880
-
Kelly
WHAT??
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30881
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Michael
I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30882
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Michael
That and that are the same letter.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30883