Every line from The Office season 6, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 17, 2009.
-
Michael
Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30784
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Dwight & Andy
[rush into office, Andy climbs on reception desk, Dwight holds video camera]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30785
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Andy
Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30786
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Dwight
Extreme! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30787
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Jim
This... is Parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30788
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Dwight
[stands on his hands kicking open bathroom doors as Andy films, Meredith is seen applying deodorant in women's bathroom]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30789
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Dwight & Andy
Parkour! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30790
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Dwight
Andy! Leapfrog!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30791
-
Andy
Do me! Do me!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30792
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Dwight
Yeah! Parkour! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30793
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Andy
Ow! Get off! Get off!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30794
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30795
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Andy & Michael
Parkour! Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30796
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Dwight
Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30797
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Michael
Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30798
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Andy
Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30799
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Michael & Dwight
Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30800
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Andy
Hardcore Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30801
-
Michael
Parkoooooour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30802
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Dwight
Let's do it!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30803
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Andy
[leaps from trailer, disappears into empty refrigerator box]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30804
-
Michael & Dwight
[look down, appearing shocked and concerned]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30805
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Andy
Parkour!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30806
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Dwight
Good. Excellent. Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30807
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Female Intern
There you go. Is there anything else I can do?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30808
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Dwight
Yes. Umm... see those files behind Kevin's desk?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30809
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Female Intern
Mm hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30810
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Dwight
Go put them all in random order.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30811
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Female Intern
Mm-kay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30812
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Dwight
Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30813
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Pam
This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. He didn't do anything sexual. He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30814
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Meredith
Think she did him?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30815
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Oscar
I bet there's something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30816
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Kelly
If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30817
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Michael
Who's getting married?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30818
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Pam
Nobody.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30819
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Michael
If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30820
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Kelly
It's Eric and Megan.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30821
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Michael
Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30822
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Phyllis
They're not getting married. It's just talk.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30823
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Michael
Did everybody know about this but me?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30824
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Phyllis
There's nothing to know, it's just gossip.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30825
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Michael
Okay... okay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30826
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Pam
We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30827
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Jim
Well, with her being unmarried... knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30828
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Pam
Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30829
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Jim
Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30830
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Pam
Nope.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30831
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Jim
No shotgun... 'cause that changes everything.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30832
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Pam
Can't back out now, Halpert.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30833
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Jim
What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... free at last, free at last!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30834
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Pam
No, keep it up.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30835
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Michael
You'll never guess what I know.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30836
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Dwight
Okay, let me finish this thought.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30837
-
Michael
Eric likes Megan.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30838
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Dwight
He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30839
-
Michael
How do you know this?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30840
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Dwight
People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones. And... boom. Okay, what is it, what can't I guess?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30841
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Michael
I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30842
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Michael
Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said 'The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle.'
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30843
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Maurie
What are you talking about?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30844
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Michael
I'm talking about your group date with Megan and Eric.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30845
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Maurie
At Tink's?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30846
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Michael
Yes
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30847
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Maurie
How'd you know about that?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30848
-
Michael
Well...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30849
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Maurie
Did Stanley tell you?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30850
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Michael
Stanley was on your group date?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30851
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Maurie
No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn't wave back.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30852
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Michael
Does anybody else know about this?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30853
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Maurie
No.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30854
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Michael
[laughs, looks to camera excitedly]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30855
-
Michael
There he goes. There he goes.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30856
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Michael
So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30857
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Dwight, Jim & Pam
[stare blankly at Michael]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30858
-
Michael
Nothing? Well I got a little somethin' somethin'. I don't know if I should say...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30859
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Pam
Just keep it to yourself then.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30860
-
Michael
Stanly is having a midlife crisis.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30861
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Dwight
Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30862
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Michael
Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30863
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Phyllis
Teri's out of town, Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30864
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Michael
Who?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30865
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Phyllis
Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30866
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Michael
[starts to speak, says nothing, walks away]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30867
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Michael
You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30868
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Maurie
What are you talking about?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30869
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Michael
Stanley's wife is out of town.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30870
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Maurie
He was with somebody.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30871
-
Eric
He was definitely with somebody.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30872
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Michael
Oh, was he? Well who, his sister?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30873
-
Eric
[chuckles]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30874
-
Michael
I don't get it!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30875
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Eric
If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30876
-
Michael
Drugs?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30877
-
Eric
Making out.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30878
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Michael
Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30879
-
Michael
Stanley is having an affir.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30880
-
Kelly
WHAT??
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30881
-
Michael
I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30882
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Michael
That and that are the same letter.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30883