Every quote from The Office season 6, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 17, 2009.
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Andy
No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30984
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30985
-
Andy
But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30986
-
Jim
Really.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30987
-
Andy
Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30988
-
Jim
Well you gotta figure this out.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30989
-
Andy
Yeah, right?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30990
-
Jim
Yeah!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30991
-
Andy
How?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30992
-
Jim
You gotta have sex with a woman.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30993
-
Andy
Right-o.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30994
-
Jim
And a man.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30995
-
Andy
Ohh...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30996
-
Jim
And then compare.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30997
-
Andy
Alright. Well hey...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30998
-
Jim
Yep.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 30999
-
Andy
Congratulations to you.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31000
-
Jim
On what?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31001
-
Andy
Come on... little baby Tuna. Little junior toro.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31002
-
Jim
[looks around room nervously]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31003
-
Angela
Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31004
-
Pam
What?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31005
-
Angela
Want me to say it again?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31006
-
Pam
Why did that come into your brain?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31007
-
Jim
Can I talk to you for a second?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31008
-
Jim
So, they know.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31009
-
Pam
Who did you tell?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31010
-
Jim
I didn't tell anyone! Who did you tell?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31011
-
Pam
Nobody!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31012
-
Creed
Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don't, and if it gets out, they won't let me scuba.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31013
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Creed
If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31014
-
Oscar
What? You think I'm the voice of the Taco Bell dog?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31015
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Toby
What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31016
-
Jim
Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31017
-
Everyone
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31018
-
Michael
Yeah, yeah... you know what? Let's discredit these rumors.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31019
-
Jim
Yeah, sure, but... who's been saying all that stuff?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31020
-
Michael
That's not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31021
-
Pam
Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31022
-
Kevin
I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31023
-
Creed
I heard that from... Andy.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31024
-
Andy
I heard it from Erin.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31025
-
Erin
I heard it from Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31026
-
Michael
[quietly leaves room]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31027
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Pam
Michael? He's over here!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31028
-
Pam
Where are you going?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31029
-
Michael
Nowhere.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31030
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Dwight
Michael... You told people I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from. Hmm? Hmm?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31031
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Pam
Don't get on it.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31032
-
Jim
Michael, don't.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31033
-
Pam
Don't... get... on. Do not.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31034
-
Jim
Michael...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31035
-
Kevin
Stay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31036
-
Pam
Step away.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31037
-
Creed
Come on, boss.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31038
-
Michael
[reluctantly exits elevator]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31039
-
Michael
Okay, I made it all up.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31040
-
Everyone
[sighs in unison]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31041
-
Andy
Even the fact that I'm gay?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31042
-
Michael
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31043
-
Andy
Yes!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31044
-
Michael
But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31045
-
Angela
No. We heard that about Jim.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31046
-
Michael
Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31047
-
Angela
How is that a bad rumor?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31048
-
Michael
Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31049
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Oscar
Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31050
-
Stanley
You told everyone I was having an affair?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31051
-
Michael
Okay, okay... here's the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31052
-
Kelly
Well then, what's the one true rumor?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31053
-
Phyllis
We have a right to know.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31054
-
Andy
Michael... am I gay?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31055
-
Michael
The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31056
-
Jim
That Pam's pregnant.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31057
-
Angela
I knew it!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31058
-
Kevin
I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought 'Oh, she has a new bra with padding.' But then I thought 'Pam doesn't need padding.' It just didn't add up, Jim.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31059
-
Jim
Okay. Thank you.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31060
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Phyllis
Congratulations!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31061
-
Erin
That's really great, you guys.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31062
-
Ryan
Don't vaccinate it.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31063
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Dwight
Who's the father?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31064
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Pam
Jim.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31065
-
Creed
How far along?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31066
-
Jim
Four months.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31067
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Creed
Who's the OB/GYN?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31068
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Pam
Stop. Don't. Just...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31069
-
Michael
Alright, alright... you know, this is not the truth, and you can't fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31070
-
Jim
Nope.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31071
-
Michael
Yes. Jim...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31072
-
Jim
Thank you for trying to defend her. But actually, Pam is pregnant, and we can prove it.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31073
-
Pam
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31074
-
Jim
If everyone would like to see proof.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31075
-
Pam
Okay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31076
-
Kelly
Are we just gonna wait here?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31077
-
Everyone
[gasps, then cheers]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31078
-
Kelly
It's true!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31079
-
Michael
Look at that! That is the inside of your vagina!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31080
-
Pam
It's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31081
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Michael
How long have you known about the pregnancy?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31082
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Jim & Pam
[look at each other uncertainly]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Quote 31083