Every line from The Office season 6, episode 1, in script order. First aired September 17, 2009.
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Kevin
Q.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30884
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Michael
No... no. He's holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven't you guessed?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30885
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Kevin
T.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30886
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Michael
T! Yes! Yes! That is a 'T', and there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30887
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Michael
Hey, Stanley! Where you goin', big guy? Up to no good?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30888
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Stanley
I'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30889
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Michael
No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30890
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Stanley
Goodbye.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30891
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Michael
Pays five million dollars. Nudity required.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30892
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Jim
You have to stop this.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30893
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Michael
Did you hear Stanley's having an affair?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30894
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Jim
I did. From you. You gotta stop telling people.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30895
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Michael
Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30896
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Jim
Do you know if it's true? Do you have any idea? Because you might be ruining his life.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30897
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Michael
[stares at Jim silently, then walks away]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30898
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Michael
Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. Stanley, are you having an affair?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30899
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Stanley
That is ridiculous. Of course not, why would you think that?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30900
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Michael
So It's not true. Okay, well... ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just... racial profiling gossip.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30901
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Stanley
Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30902
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Michael
So stupid!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30903
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Stanley
It's just that... Teri's been traveling a lot...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30904
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Michael
I know, I know.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30905
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Stanley
And it's been lonely.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30906
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Michael
Oh, I bet.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30907
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Stanley
Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse, when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill... I didn't...
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30908
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Michael
Wait, hold, hold, hold... so it IS true?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30909
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Stanley
Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. That's where I'm headed right now. I swear.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30910
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Michael
Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30911
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Stanley
I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael, please.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30912
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Michael
I'm not saying... a damn thing.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30913
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Stanley
I'm counting on you, Michael.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30914
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Michael
You can count on me.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30915
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Stanley
[sighs]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30916
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Michael
Oh, that smells good.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30917
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Kevin
I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30918
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Michael
Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30919
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Kevin
Yeah... what do you mean exactly?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30920
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Michael
Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30921
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Kevin
Reeeeally.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30922
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Michael
Uh huh. Alright?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30923
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Michael
How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including 'Stanley is having an affair.' It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30924
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Erin
Kelly has an eating disorder?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30925
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30926
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Erin
She always eats my lunch.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30927
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Michael
Anorexia. She's an anorexatic.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30928
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Erin
We should do something.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30929
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Michael
Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30930
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Michael
I'm worried about Erin, because she's not a very good worker. I don't know how long she's gonna last here.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30931
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Kelly
Really?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30932
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Michael
Yeah. So... and Andy is gay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30933
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Kelly
Andy Bernard??
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30934
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Michael
Mm hmm.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30935
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Michael
Did you hear Pam is pregnant?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30936
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Meredith
Really?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30937
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Michael
Yeah!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30938
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Meredith
She's gonna hate being a mom.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30939
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Andy
[making a cup of tea in kitchen area]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30940
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Kevin
[looks at Andy and giggles]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30941
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Andy
What?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30942
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Kevin
Tea.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30943
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Andy
So?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30944
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Kevin
You would.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30945
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Andy
I like tea!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30946
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Kevin
Oh, I bet you like it.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30947
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Andy
Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30948
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Kevin
Do you like it as much as you like mens' butts?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30949
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Andy
WHAT??
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30950
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Kevin
Because you're gay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30951
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Andy
Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30952
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Andy
This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... a little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30953
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Andy
Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30954
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Oscar
I did. Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30955
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Andy
And?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30956
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Oscar
What?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30957
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Andy
Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30958
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Oscar
Are you attracted to other men?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30959
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Andy
No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it... felt like.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30960
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Oscar
[stares at Andy incredulously]
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30961
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Andy
Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30962
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Oscar
If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still... need to get to you?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30963
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Andy
It's not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy, it's just... it's just a scenario.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30964
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Oscar
Wow. I wish... I wish I could help you. I don't... you might be gay. You might be gay.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30965
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Oscar
What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30966
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Phyllis
How far along is Pam?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30967
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Meredith
A few months, that's why they're rushing the wedding.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30968
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Michael
Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just... there's no stalking it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30969
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Michael
Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff... who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30970
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Dwight
Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I've attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30971
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Eric
Why would we call you at night?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30972
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Dwight
Well now you can't call me at all. Problem solved.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30973
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Jim
You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30974
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Dwight
Look at the intern to your left. Now to your right. One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living, and nothing more. And one of you will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30975
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Erin
I am so happy you're eating again.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30976
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Kelly
Me too!
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30977
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Andy
Tuna, how come you never try to set me up?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30978
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Jim
Oh, I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30979
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Andy
Women friends?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30980
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Jim
Yep.
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30981
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Andy
Not guy friends?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30982
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Jim
Are you... interested in her guy friends?
Season 6 · Episode 1 · Line 30983