"Secret Santa" Quotes (page 3)

Every line from The Office season 6, episode 12, in script order. First aired December 10, 2009.

334 quotes · page 3 of 4

  1. Jim

    No.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34572

  2. David

    Yes Michael, what is so urgent?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34573

  3. Michael

    David, guess who I'm sitting here dressed as.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34574

  4. David

    I'm not going to guess. You can tell me or I am going to hang up.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34575

  5. Michael

    I'll give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34576

  6. David

    Michael...

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34577

  7. Michael

    I'm Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis, a woman, has uslurped my role as Santa.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34578

  8. David

    Michael-

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34579

  9. Michael

    What?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34580

  10. David

    This is a very very bad time.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34581

  11. Michael

    Really? What's going on?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34582

  12. David

    Stephanie, can you hop off please?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34583

  13. Stephanie

    Sure David.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34584

  14. Michael

    What the hell? How rude! Does she do that all the time?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34585

  15. Erin

    Do you want me off the call too Michael?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34586

  16. Michael

    Hey! Get off! Get off the phone!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34587

  17. David

    Listen, I shouldn't tell you this, but the company has a buyer. The board will have no choice to approve. They are going to clean house.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34588

  18. Michael

    What does that mean?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34589

  19. David

    I'll be fired.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34590

  20. Michael

    Well, can't Alan protect you?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34591

  21. David

    Alan will be out too. All of us.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34592

  22. Michael

    All of us?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34593

  23. David

    Goodbye Michael.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34594

  24. Michael

    Oh my God.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34595

  25. Michael

    Earlier today this office needed a Santa. And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. And now, it needs a Michael. And that's one suit Phyllis cannot fit into.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34596

  26. Michael

    Hey. How's everybody doing?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34597

  27. Jim

    Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34598

  28. Michael

    That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus sort of ruined the party. Hurt petulant Jesus.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34599

  29. Angela

    Are you serious? This is so offensive.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34600

  30. Michael

    You know what's even more offensive, is baling on this party because some... jerk ruined the first part of it. Dwight come here. Here's my debit card, I want you to go pick up a bunch of pizzas and meet me in the conference room.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34601

  31. Dwight

    What's your pin number?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34602

  32. Michael

    I don't want to say. But, 'it's fun to stay at the -'

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34603

  33. Michael

    It's fun to stay at the -'

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34604

  34. Dwight

    Where? Holiday Inn? I don't ...

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34605

  35. Michael

    Mmm, mm mm mm.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34606

  36. Andy

    I, I thought that you would like it.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34607

  37. Erin

    It was a little much Andy.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34608

  38. Andy

    Well it's the thought that counts.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34609

  39. Erin

    What were you thinking?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34610

  40. Andy

    I suppose a gentlemen might... throw in the towel, at this point. Guess what? Not gonna happen.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34611

  41. Michael

    You know what, Christmas isn't about Santa, or Jesus. It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son. And Pam, you're my wife. And Jim. And Angela and Phyllis, you are my Grandmas. And Stanley, you're our mailman. And I can't help but look at all your wonderful beautiful faces and think, 'How could they do this to us?'

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34612

  42. Jim

    What?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34613

  43. Pam

    How could we do what?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34614

  44. Michael

    It's not... Nevermind. Nothing.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34615

  45. Stanley

    We deserve to know.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34616

  46. Michael

    I didn't say anything!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34617

  47. Angela

    If you know something Michael...

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34618

  48. Michael

    We're going out of business!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34619

  49. Group

    WHAT?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34620

  50. Jim

    What?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34621

  51. Dwight

    You are kidding me!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34622

  52. Jim

    Wait wait wait, who said that?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34623

  53. Michael

    David told me on the phone. David told me.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34624

  54. Dwight

    When? When did he tell you? Today?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34625

  55. Michael

    Earlier today.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34626

  56. Dwight

    Awww!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34627

  57. Michael

    He said, we have been sold.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34628

  58. Jim

    What?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34629

  59. Dwight

    Aaaarrhh!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34630

  60. Michael

    Dwight! Jesus!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34631

  61. Angela

    Come on!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34632

  62. Jim

    Michael, wait. So they said we are sold?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34633

  63. Michael

    David's gone. Alan's gone. We're all gone.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34634

  64. Jim

    Okay. We haven't gone under. We've been sold and that can mean many different things.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34635

  65. Michael

    It's hard for me to imagine a scenario, where Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not - no offense Meredith.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34636

  66. Meredith

    No, I get it.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34637

  67. Michael

    I'll call him. I'll call David.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34638

  68. Jim

    No, you won't, because he's not picking up his phone.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34639

  69. Michael

    Yes, I will. Because I always know how to get through to him.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34640

  70. Michael

    He told me where his kids go to school. I call the school, I tell them I'm a pediatrician. They patch me through to his secretary. I use my little girl voice. Badda bing, badda boom.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34641

  71. David

    Hey Sweetie, what is it?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34642

  72. Michael

    It's not sweetie, it's Michael Scott.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34643

  73. David

    What the hell?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34644

  74. Michael

    Stephanie could you hop off please?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34645

  75. David

    Michael, I have never-

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34646

  76. Michael

    David!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34647

  77. David

    Ever, ever...

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34648

  78. Michael

    David, you are on speakerphone with the entire branch, and the warehouse.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34649

  79. Dwight

    Hey David.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34650

  80. Kelly

    Hi David!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34651

  81. David

    Hello everyone.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34652

  82. Michael

    David, they do not believe me. When you told me everyone was canned.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34653

  83. David

    You weren't supposed to tell anyone Michael.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34654

  84. Michael

    Well I think we're past that now.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34655

  85. David

    I am not supposed to... Okay. Guys. I was really only talking about Alan, myself, a few other execs you don't know.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34656

  86. Jim

    Oh my God, David. That's horrible.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34657

  87. Meredith

    How 'bout us? It's Meredith. By the way, your wife is a very lucky woman.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34658

  88. David

    Look. They're buying the company for the distribution. You guys are the only thing about this company that works. So congratulations.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34659

  89. Michael

    We're not fired?

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34660

  90. David

    No! No, and congratulations.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34661

  91. Michael

    Yeah! It's a Christmas miracle!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34662

  92. Dwight

    Yeah!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34663

  93. Michael

    Woo hoo!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34664

  94. Dwight

    I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34665

  95. Dwight

    It's true. We all walk alone.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34666

  96. Kelly

    Jim.... Jim!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34667

  97. Dwight

    My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating...

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34668

  98. Toby

    Wow! Cause...

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34669

  99. Ryan

    Yeah! That was the idea.

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34670

  100. Toby

    Thank you!

    Season 6 · Episode 12 · Line 34671