Every quote from The Office season 6, episode 12, in script order. First aired December 10, 2009.
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Dwight
Attention everyone! Jim and I, on behalf of--
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34372
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Jim
Too loud.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34373
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Dwight
--the party planning committee...
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34374
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Jim
Too, too loud. Too Loud.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34375
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Dwight
But effective, look! On behalf of Jim and I, Merry Christmas.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34376
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Everyone
Merry Christmas.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34377
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Dwight
Merry Christmas. Good.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34378
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Dwight
My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. Hmmph! Not really! I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34379
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Dwight
It is time to unveil the tree.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34380
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Oscar
Hey, Rockefeller Center!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34381
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34382
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Ryan
Uh, I have actually been to Rock Center, and this is nothing like that.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34383
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Jim
This is all we have.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34384
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Ryan
Ugh.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34385
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Jim
No, it's not 'ugh.' It is... office camaraderie.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34386
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Dwight
It is warm feelings.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34387
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Meredith
Why don't we talk more about it instead of doing it?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34388
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Dwight
Thirty! Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34389
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Jim
Why would you start so high?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34390
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Dwight
Twenty- seven! Twenty-six! ...
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34391
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Jim
Three, two, one!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34392
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Phyllis
Ooh.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34393
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Pam
Ah!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34394
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Phyllis
You didn't decorate it?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34395
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Jim
No.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34396
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Dwight
Exactly.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34397
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Jim
We didn't, because we think it'd be better to do it together.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34398
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Dwight
Everyone.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34399
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Andy
Why would you wrap it in a sheet, if you're not covering anything up?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34400
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Pam
Is it, is it fake?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34401
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Jim
Pam!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34402
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Dwight
Yes, we are unveiling, an artificial tree, that will never die...
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34403
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Jim
Yes.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34404
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Dwight
Like the spirit of Christmas!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34405
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Stanley
We're supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off fake tree?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34406
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Dwight
This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! Merry Christmas!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34407
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Erin
Hello. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet. But whoever is giving me the Twelve Days of Christmas? As my Secret Santa? Please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtledove; the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please. Stop.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34408
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Kelly
What psycho would send that as a gift?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34409
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Andy
I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the Twelve days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically thirty birds?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34410
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Phyllis
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas boys and girls! It's me, Santa Claus!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34411
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Dwight
Hey Santa!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34412
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Oscar
They finally let you do it!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34413
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Phyllis
Yeah!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34414
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Kevin
Congrats Phil!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34415
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Erin
It's so edgy!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34416
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Phyllis
I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament, and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim eleven weeks ago, and he said I could do it. It's been a long journey... but I'm Santa Claus!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34417
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Pam
So Santa, what can we expect from this party?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34418
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Phyllis
It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34419
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Creed
What if you've been bad?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34420
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Phyllis
Oh then nothing but a lump of coal for you!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34421
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Creed
What if you've been really, really bad? More evil, and strictly wrong?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34422
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Jim
Hey, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34423
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Phyllis
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34424
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Dwight
For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea, for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, to find himself... in jail!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34425
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Pam
You know Oscar every time I make this lasagna people ask me if it's a family recipe, but really, I just get the recipe from the box!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34426
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Oscar
That's funny.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34427
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Pam
Is it funny? I thought it was more ...interesting, than funny. I think my water just broke!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34428
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Oscar
That's too funny.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34429
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Pam
Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34430
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Michael
Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34431
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Pam
Michael, we already have a Santa, Phyllis.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34432
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Michael
What the hell is going on?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34433
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Michael
Phyllis, Jim? Phyllis is Santa?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34434
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34435
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Michael
Phyllis?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34436
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Jim
Yeah I told her a long time ago she could do it.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34437
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Michael
Take it back. That is absurd.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34438
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Jim
No, I'm not gonna do that.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34439
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Michael
No? No! Jim! Come on!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34440
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Jim
I think she's doing a good job.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34441
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Michael
It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34442
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Jim
I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34443
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Michael
Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can- I -you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34444
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Michael
If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably 'freedom.' At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34445
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Michael
Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34446
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Group
Okay...
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34447
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Michael
No it's not, not like penis-wise. Hello little boy, what's your name?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34448
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Kevin
Michael it's me, Kevin. Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34449
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Michael
Oh! I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you. And hates your body. But, Santa remembers a reindeer that was just a tiny bit different as well.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34450
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Kevin
When can I sit on your lap?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34451
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Michael
Right now! Come on over here, big boy! There we go. Oh my God.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34452
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Kevin
That's really comfortable.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34453
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Michael
What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34454
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Kevin
I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34455
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Michael
What did you think was going to happen?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34456
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Kevin
I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34457
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Michael
All right, just say 'some toys' please.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34458
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Kevin
Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34459
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Michael
Damn it Kevin, come on.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34460
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Kevin
What about if I tell you the things I don't want?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34461
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Michael
Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34462
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Kevin
I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34463
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Michael
Okay you know what you get? You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34464
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Kevin
Awesome.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34465
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Phyllis
Well?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34466
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Jim
I'm trying Phyllis. You're Santa.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34467
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Phyllis
The only Santa.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34468
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Jim
That's what I want.
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34469
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Phyllis
You promised me this. Don't make me get Bob involved!
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34470
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Jim
What would Bob do?
Season 6 · Episode 12 · Quote 34471