Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 9, in script order. First aired December 4, 2008.
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Oscar
Here are our final actual costs for this year.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25545
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Michael
Mmm... okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25546
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Oscar
As you can see, we did pretty well, so...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25547
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Michael
Yes. Yes, I can see... that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an eight-year old.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25548
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Oscar
Alright, well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25549
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25550
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Oscar
Right there.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25551
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Michael
There's the x-ax...icks.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25552
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Oscar
You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4300.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25553
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Michael
Mmhmm, okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25554
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Oscar
But we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25555
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Michael
Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25556
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Oscar
Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25557
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Michael
Ho-oh!
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25558
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Oscar
So you have an extra dollar.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25559
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25560
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Oscar
So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25561
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Michael
I'll be six.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25562
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Oscar
And you ask them for money, they're gonna give you nine dollars. 'Cause that's what they think it costs to run the stand. So what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now, so that your parents think it costs ten dollars to run the lemonade stand.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25563
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Michael
So the dollar's a surplus. This is a surplus.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25564
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Oscar
We have to spend that $4300 by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25565
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Michael
Whoo.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25566
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Oscar
We should spend this money on a new copier, which we desperately need.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25567
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Michael
Okay, break it down in terms of, um... okay, I-I think I'm getting you...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25568
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Michael
Guess what, everybody? Christmas has come early this year. Oscar, very smartly, has discovered an extra $4300 in the budget. Thank you, Oscar. And I have decided with that money I am going to buy a new, drum roll please... Can anybody guess?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25569
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Pam
New chairs?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25570
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Michael
No, a new copier! Unless everybody can agree on something better?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25571
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Oscar
No, no, please. Please do not do this.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25572
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Pam
Yes, Michael, new chairs. These chairs are terrible. We were supposed to get new ones last year.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25573
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Michael
So... we all agree to get new chairs then. Good?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25574
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Pam
Good? Yeah, he said good, I'm good...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25575
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Oscar
Now listen, we are a paper company. How can we take pride in our jobs if we have to put our fine paper in this wretched machine?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25576
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Pam
Oscar, no. This is not the time for one of your principled stands.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25577
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Oscar
Pam, you make more copies than anyone.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25578
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Pam
Exactly. That should tell you how terrible the chairs are.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25579
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Michael
Okay. Okay, good suggestions. All good suggestions. Uh, let's just decide and agree upon one.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25580
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Stanley
I'm with Pam. Chairs.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25581
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Michael
Alright, so, teams forming.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25582
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Toby
We should really have the office's air quality tested. We have radon coming from below, we have asbestos in the ceilings. These are silent killers.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25583
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Michael
You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25584
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Toby
You'll see.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25585
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Pam
Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25586
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25587
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Pam
I've talked to Meredith, Stanley and Jim about the chairs. I know they're with me on this.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25588
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Jim
Uh, actually, I'm gonna go with copier.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25589
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Pam
What? Jim.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25590
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Jim
Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier sucks. Let me tell you, I-But you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25591
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Meredith
Jim, good for you, standing up to Pam like that.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25592
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Creed
The balls on you, man.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25593
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Oscar
So Michael, what do you think?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25594
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Michael
Why me?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25595
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Jim
You have to make the decision.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25596
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Michael
Wow, okay. Well... I swallowed all your ideas, I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25597
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Andy
Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25598
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Dwight
Yeah, do tell.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25599
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Andy
I mean, like, '156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left.'
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25600
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Dwight
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25601
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Andy
Walk until you hear the beehive.'
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25602
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Dwight
How could it be more clear?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25603
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Angela
I think Andy makes an excellent point.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25604
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25605
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Angela
But my biggest concern is that there's only one bathroom.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25606
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Dwight
We'll dig a trench. As long as it's downhill from the well, we should be fine.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25607
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Angela
Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25608
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Dwight
Well we're not gonna put out stumps, come on.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25609
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Andy
Let's three-way this little issue, and come to a solution by the time we get to Schrute Farms, how's that for a plan?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25610
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Andy
We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits, and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25611
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Pam
Hey.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25612
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Jim
Hey.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25613
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Pam
So um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/copier thing...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25614
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Jim
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25615
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Pam
I really think you should reconsider.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25616
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Jim
Oh, Pam, I really... hate that copier.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25617
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Pam
Yeah, I know.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25618
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25619
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Pam
But I really think you should reconsider.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25620
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Jim
Beesly, are you threatening me?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25621
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Pam
Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground. All right.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25622
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Jim
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25623
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Jim
Whew.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25624
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Dwight
This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25625
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Andy
Hmm... mm, what's that smell?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25626
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Dwight
You're gonna need to be more specific.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25627
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Angela
Manure. Get rid of it.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25628
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Dwight
Manure covers up the small of the slaughterhouse.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25629
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Angela
Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25630
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Dwight
You wanna eat, don't you?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25631
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Angela
Honey, say something!
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25632
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Andy
Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra, could you slaughter the entrees the day before?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25633
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Dwight
...I'll consider it.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25634
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Andy
See? That's how you do it! Makin' progress here. ...Darn! Heh.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25635
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Dwight
There's a hose out back.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25636
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Andy
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25637
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Pam
Remember, you were gonna get a new chair, and you were gonna give your old chair to me. Remember that?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25638
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25639
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Pam
Well that never happened.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25640
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Oscar
Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25641
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Michael
I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25642
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Oscar
I'm just gonna grab some lunch. You wanna come with?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25643
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Michael
Really? Absolutely! Yeah, that would be amazing.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Quote 25644