Every line from The Office season 5, episode 9, in script order. First aired December 4, 2008.
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Oscar
Here are our final actual costs for this year.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25545
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Michael
Mmm... okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25546
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Oscar
As you can see, we did pretty well, so...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25547
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Michael
Yes. Yes, I can see... that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an eight-year old.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25548
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Oscar
Alright, well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25549
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25550
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Oscar
Right there.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25551
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Michael
There's the x-ax...icks.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25552
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Oscar
You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4300.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25553
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Michael
Mmhmm, okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25554
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Oscar
But we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25555
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Michael
Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25556
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Oscar
Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25557
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Michael
Ho-oh!
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25558
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Oscar
So you have an extra dollar.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25559
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25560
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Oscar
So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25561
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Michael
I'll be six.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25562
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Oscar
And you ask them for money, they're gonna give you nine dollars. 'Cause that's what they think it costs to run the stand. So what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now, so that your parents think it costs ten dollars to run the lemonade stand.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25563
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Michael
So the dollar's a surplus. This is a surplus.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25564
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Oscar
We have to spend that $4300 by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25565
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Michael
Whoo.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25566
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Oscar
We should spend this money on a new copier, which we desperately need.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25567
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Michael
Okay, break it down in terms of, um... okay, I-I think I'm getting you...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25568
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Michael
Guess what, everybody? Christmas has come early this year. Oscar, very smartly, has discovered an extra $4300 in the budget. Thank you, Oscar. And I have decided with that money I am going to buy a new, drum roll please... Can anybody guess?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25569
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Pam
New chairs?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25570
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Michael
No, a new copier! Unless everybody can agree on something better?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25571
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Oscar
No, no, please. Please do not do this.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25572
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Pam
Yes, Michael, new chairs. These chairs are terrible. We were supposed to get new ones last year.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25573
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Michael
So... we all agree to get new chairs then. Good?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25574
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Pam
Good? Yeah, he said good, I'm good...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25575
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Oscar
Now listen, we are a paper company. How can we take pride in our jobs if we have to put our fine paper in this wretched machine?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25576
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Pam
Oscar, no. This is not the time for one of your principled stands.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25577
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Oscar
Pam, you make more copies than anyone.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25578
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Pam
Exactly. That should tell you how terrible the chairs are.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25579
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Michael
Okay. Okay, good suggestions. All good suggestions. Uh, let's just decide and agree upon one.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25580
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Stanley
I'm with Pam. Chairs.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25581
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Michael
Alright, so, teams forming.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25582
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Toby
We should really have the office's air quality tested. We have radon coming from below, we have asbestos in the ceilings. These are silent killers.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25583
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Michael
You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25584
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Toby
You'll see.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25585
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Pam
Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25586
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25587
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Pam
I've talked to Meredith, Stanley and Jim about the chairs. I know they're with me on this.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25588
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Jim
Uh, actually, I'm gonna go with copier.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25589
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Pam
What? Jim.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25590
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Jim
Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier sucks. Let me tell you, I-But you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25591
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Meredith
Jim, good for you, standing up to Pam like that.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25592
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Creed
The balls on you, man.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25593
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Oscar
So Michael, what do you think?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25594
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Michael
Why me?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25595
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Jim
You have to make the decision.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25596
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Michael
Wow, okay. Well... I swallowed all your ideas, I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25597
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Andy
Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25598
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Dwight
Yeah, do tell.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25599
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Andy
I mean, like, '156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left.'
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25600
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Dwight
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25601
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Andy
Walk until you hear the beehive.'
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25602
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Dwight
How could it be more clear?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25603
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Angela
I think Andy makes an excellent point.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25604
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Dwight
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25605
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Angela
But my biggest concern is that there's only one bathroom.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25606
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Dwight
We'll dig a trench. As long as it's downhill from the well, we should be fine.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25607
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Angela
Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25608
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Dwight
Well we're not gonna put out stumps, come on.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25609
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Andy
Let's three-way this little issue, and come to a solution by the time we get to Schrute Farms, how's that for a plan?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25610
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Andy
We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits, and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25611
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Pam
Hey.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25612
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Jim
Hey.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25613
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Pam
So um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/copier thing...
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25614
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Jim
Mmhmm.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25615
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Pam
I really think you should reconsider.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25616
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Jim
Oh, Pam, I really... hate that copier.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25617
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Pam
Yeah, I know.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25618
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25619
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Pam
But I really think you should reconsider.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25620
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Jim
Beesly, are you threatening me?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25621
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Pam
Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground. All right.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25622
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Jim
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25623
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Jim
Whew.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25624
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Dwight
This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25625
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Andy
Hmm... mm, what's that smell?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25626
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Dwight
You're gonna need to be more specific.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25627
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Angela
Manure. Get rid of it.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25628
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Dwight
Manure covers up the small of the slaughterhouse.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25629
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Angela
Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25630
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Dwight
You wanna eat, don't you?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25631
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Angela
Honey, say something!
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25632
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Andy
Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra, could you slaughter the entrees the day before?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25633
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Dwight
...I'll consider it.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25634
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Andy
See? That's how you do it! Makin' progress here. ...Darn! Heh.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25635
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Dwight
There's a hose out back.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25636
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Andy
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25637
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Pam
Remember, you were gonna get a new chair, and you were gonna give your old chair to me. Remember that?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25638
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25639
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Pam
Well that never happened.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25640
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Oscar
Michael?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25641
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Michael
I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25642
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Oscar
I'm just gonna grab some lunch. You wanna come with?
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25643
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Michael
Really? Absolutely! Yeah, that would be amazing.
Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25644