Every line from The Office season 5, episode 3, in script order. First aired October 16, 2008.
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Darryl
You should stop calling yourself 'baby daddy.'
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23648
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Michael
Why, Darryl, because I'm quote white quote unquote?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23649
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Darryl
Because you're not a daddy, and it's not your baby.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23650
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Michael
Well-
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23651
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Darryl
You feel connected to his baby over there?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23652
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Michael
It's- that's different.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23653
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Darryl
You feel connected to this?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23654
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Michael
That's not a baby.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23655
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Darryl
You want to hold me, to see how you feel?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23656
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Michael
Could I?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23657
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Darryl
No.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23658
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Jan
Oh. I was just catching up on my sleep.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23659
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Holly
I can imagine.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23660
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Jan
Where's Astrid?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23661
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Holly
Oh, I think she's on a sales call.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23662
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Jan
On a what?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23663
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Holly
Waaa! More paper! Waaa! No, she's just on a coffee break.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23664
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Jan
That's funny.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23665
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Holly
She's with Angela.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23666
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Angela
That's good. Now, I need you to - I need it to look up here. Get the baby to look up here, ready?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23667
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Andy
OK. Yeah. Look at my finger. Look. Looook!
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23668
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Angela
Now. Come on, up here!
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23669
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Andy
Look up here!
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23670
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Angela
Your hand's in it.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23671
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Andy
What? Sorry.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23672
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Angela
Yeah, that's a good one.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23673
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Jan
What are you doing? What's going on? Excuse me.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23674
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Andy
We're taking a picture.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23675
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Jan
There you are.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23676
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Andy
She's nature's bounty.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23677
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Jan
You don't flash around a newborn baby. Don't you know that?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23678
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Jan
Michael, I need your help.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23679
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Michael
I was just going to... I was going to talk to Holly, about her hygiene. She smells like old tomatoes and dirt.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23680
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Jan
Uh... come on.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23681
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Dwight
I like to call this... the bumper test.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23682
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Michael
Sure you can't stay a little longer?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23683
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Jan
Oh, no, Michael, you know what? I really have to go.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23684
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Michael
All right. All right, everybody, we're leaving. Jan and Astrid are leaving.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23685
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Jan
You know what, where is the stroller that I came in with?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23686
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Dwight
Oh. I took the liberty of putting it in your trunk.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23687
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Jan
Ah. Thanks, Dwight.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23688
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Jan
OK. You know what? There is, uh, there is one more thing that you can do for me.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23689
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Michael
OK?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23690
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Jan
Don't date Holly.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23691
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Michael
Wha - that's, I hate her. Wha - God! Why would you even ask me to - I, I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't, but wha - OK, all right, fine.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23692
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Jan
Thanks for the baby shower. It was great. And I'll see you... soon.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23693
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Michael
All right.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23694
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Jan
OK.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23695
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Holly
You still gonna be mean to me?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23696
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Michael
You wanna go out?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23697
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Holly
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23698
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Michael
I didn't feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23699
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Jim
Hey, it's Jim. Leave a message.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23700
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Pam
Hi.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23701
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Pam
Hi, this is Pam. Leave a message.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23702
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Jim
Hey, it's me. It is 5:03.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23703
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Pam
I figured I'd catch you walking to your car, but...
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23704
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Jim
You must be out or something.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23705
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Pam
I'll leave a message.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23706
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Jim
Is it me, or are we just a little off today?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23707
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Pam
I guess this is just one of those days. It'll get better.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23708
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Jim
Hope you didn't have any major laundry issues.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23709
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Pam
I finished my laundry. Got all my socks. Nothing like that time that crazy guy pushed you.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23710
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Jim
Remember that time that I helped you do your laundry and that crazy guy came in and started yelling at you?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23711
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Pam
And then, remember, we went shopping the next day to buy me a washer and dryer?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23712
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Jim
Yet here you are, back in a Laundromat. Now, I'm just trying to help you, Beesly. Be safe.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23713
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Pam
You're probably upset that I'm even at a Laundromat right now. But, don't worry, I'm being safe. And I'm headed home. I'm... headed to my dorm. Not home.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23714
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Jim
Wish you were home. Uh, anyway...
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23715
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Pam
Anyway, um... I miss you.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23716
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Jim
I miss you.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23717
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Angela
All right, how about we play the game where we guess how big the mother's belly is?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23718
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Michael
Oh! OK!
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23719
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Jan
Well...
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23720
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Angela
How many squares of toilet paper go around the waist?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23721
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Kevin
Does that mean there's no toilet paper in the bathroom?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23722
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Angela
Kevin, relax.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23723
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Jan
OK, you know what, I don't think I need to do this one, because I only gained twelve pounds and I'm just going to get rid of all of that, so...
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23724
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Michael
Seventeen. I say seventeen squares.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23725
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Jan
OK, give me the roll. I'll do it.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23726
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Michael
Do the boobs!
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23727
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Jan
Yeah, we're not doing my boobs, Michael. OK, seven, someone give me the prize. Oh, it's OK...
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23728
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Holly
Did she really just have a baby? She's so beautiful.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23729
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Jim
Oh yeah. Wait 'til you get to know her better though.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23730
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Michael
Hey! HR lady, stop whispering in the corner please. Very rude. You're ruining the party.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23731
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Holly
I'm starting to get a feeling for what life was like around here for Toby.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23732
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Toby
It was terrible.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23733
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Holly
I know.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23734
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Toby
I prefer being stuck in a Costa Rican hospital.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23735
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Holly
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23736
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Toby
Not really.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23737
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Kevin
Hey Jan, you went to a sperm bank?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23738
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Jan
Uh, yes, I did.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23739
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Kevin
I donated sperm.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23740
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Jan
Oh.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23741
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Kevin
Maybe I'm the father.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23742
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Jan
Well, this is a highly exclusive establishment.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23743
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Kevin
Next to the IHOP?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23744
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Jan
Well, I paid for an ideal specimen.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23745
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Oscar
Are you saying Kevin is not an ideal specimen?
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23746
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Jan
This is a wonderful shower, everyone. Thank you.
Season 5 · Episode 3 · Line 23747