Every line from The Office season 5, episode 25, in script order. First aired May 7, 2009.
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Dwight
Tell me where it hurts.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30413
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Phyllis
Right... mmmm... right there.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30414
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Dwight
Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30415
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Michael
Welcome, welcome! Cafe Disco. I am Michael Scott.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30416
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Erin
Hey, Angela! Welcome to -
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30417
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Angela
Stop!
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30418
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Michael
Angela. Angela. Angela. May I interest you in a triple espresso or perhaps a dance?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30419
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Angela
No. I didn't come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30420
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Michael
Oh. Alright. There you go.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30421
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Angela
No. You need to sign them all.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30422
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Michael
No. No. No. Here is the deal - one signature for every song.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30423
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Angela
Look, I hate to be 'that' person but I just don't like the general spirit of music.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30424
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Michael
I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could tale they would say, ' This is a magical place! You are safe here. We have talking walls. We're not going to eat you.' No.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30425
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Dwight
This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30426
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Phyllis
An hour? I can't stay here an hour.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30427
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Dwight
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30428
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Creed
Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30429
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Michael
Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30430
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Creed
No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30431
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Dwight
I'm gonna with the python.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30432
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Phyllis
But the rattler's so scary.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30433
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Dwight
No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30434
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Phyllis
I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30435
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Dwight
What's so funny?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30436
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Phyllis
When I say it out loud it's so silly.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30437
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Michael
Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up!
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30438
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Angela
You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30439
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Michael
No... cleaning... up.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30440
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Jim
These are for you.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30441
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Pam
They're beautiful.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30442
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Jim
You ready?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30443
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30444
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Jim
We should probably stop by. It'd mean a lot to him.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30445
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Michael
Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30446
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Phyllis
Wanna dance, Dwight?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30447
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Dwight
Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30448
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Bob Vance
Mind if I steal my wife?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30449
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Dwight
You can't steal what is legally your property.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30450
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Bob Vance
Are those staples?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30451
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Andy
This dance competition is not over.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30452
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Kelly
What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30453
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Michael
You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30454
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Jim
We're gonna stay.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30455
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Michael
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30456
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Jim
Yeah. At least for one more dance.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30457
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Michael
Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to 'Y'.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30458
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Pam
This is so cheesy.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30459
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Jim
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30460
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Pam
I like cheesy.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30461
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Jim
Me, too.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30462
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Pam
Yeah. I think maybe I want a 'wedding' wedding.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30463
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Jim
Me, too.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30464
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Pam
Really?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30465
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Jim
Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30466
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Michael
Would you like to dance?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30467
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Angela
No.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30468
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Andy
Yeah. No. Well, ok.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30469
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Kelly
Stop squirming.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30470
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Andy
Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30471
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Kelly
You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30472
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Andy
I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30473
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Kelly
I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30474
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Andy
Are you sure that's not the 'gay' ear?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30475
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Kelly
Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30476
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Andy
Well, I...
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30477
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Kelly
Look, I'm gonna count to 3.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30478
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Andy
Count to twen - count to twenty.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30479
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Kelly
No. I'm gonna count to 3.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30480
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Andy
K
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30481
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Kelly
1... 2... 3
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30482
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Andy
Agh! Son of a bitch!
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30483
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Kelly
Andy, that was just the ice.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30484
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Andy
It was?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30485
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Kelly
Yeah. It was.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30486
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Lynn
Hey, Kevin.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30487
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Kevin
Hi. Did you have bacon for breakfast?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30488
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Lynn
No.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30489
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Kevin
Oh...cause you smell like bacon.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30490
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Lynn
I didn't think I did. How's everything going?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30491
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Kevin
Tight. I'm going down the hall to this office to see Michael - there's free espressos.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30492
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Lynn
Oh.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30493
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Kevin
I would invite you but I remember that you just want to be friends.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30494
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Lynn
We can still...
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30495
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Kevin
Are you sure that you didn't eat bacon?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30496
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Lynn
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30497
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Kevin
Oh. Whatever it is I like it. Bye.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30498
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Lynn
Yes, I had some bacon this morning. I just didn't think it was anyone's business.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30499
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Kevin
I love the smell of bacon on a woman.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30500
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Kevin
Hey, Lynn, it's Kevin. I was thinking about going and getting a coffee at the Cafe Disco, wondering if you want to go with. Bye. Angela, my stomach is really hurting.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30501
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Oscar
Just go down, Kevin.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30502
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Michael
My grandpa was the funnest guy I ever knew. He would sing. He would dance. He would....fall down. But then...he started going to these meetings and everything changed. He...stopped going out at night. He got a job. The fun just dried up. It was really sad. I don't want that to happen to you guys. I'm not gonna let it happen.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30503
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Stanley
How did I end up back in Crazytown?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30504
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Dwight
It is hard to imagine you playing softball.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30505
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Phyllis
I was all-county my junior and senior years.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30506
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Dwight
Oh yeah? Big deal. I once hit three home runs against Little Flower Catholic.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30507
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Phyllis
The girls school?
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30508
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Dwight
I played high school softball. Notice I didn't say 'girls' high school softball. Not after the landmark case of Shrute vs. the Lackawanna County Board of Education.That was one case the Pennsylvania Supreme Court got right. I hit the ball right over the protest banners.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30509
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Dwight
Oh, no. I love Ohio. Next time you're there say 'Hi' to my cousin Amel and then kick him in the groin area because he's a cheat and a ball hog. And if he's still married to Clarissa, kick her in the groin area, too. 'Cause she's a heart breaking tart...and a ball hog.
Season 5 · Episode 25 · Line 30510