Every line from The Office season 5, episode 16, in script order. First aired March 5, 2009.
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Phone Salesman
Hi.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27568
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Pam
Good morning, can I help you?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27569
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Phone Salesman
Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27570
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Pam
I'm sorry, he's not in right now.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27571
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Phone Salesman
Really? He's never around when I come by.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27572
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Pam
Shoot.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27573
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Pam
They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. Vending machine.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27574
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Phone Salesman
How about I make an appointment to come back? That way, I know he'll be here.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27575
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Pam
That is a great idea.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27576
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Phone Salesman
Great.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27577
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Pam
Um, oh boy, let's see, he's really...
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27578
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Jim
Michael Scott, manager. Hi, how are ya?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27579
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Pam
There he is!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27580
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Phone Salesman
Oh, hi! Great.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27581
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Jim
Nice to meet you, yeah. Whew! I can assure you we don't need a new system though. Happy with ours.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27582
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Michael
Hello, may I help you?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27583
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Jim
Jimbo!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27584
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Michael
...Jim.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27585
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Jim
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27586
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Michael
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27587
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Pam
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27588
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Michael
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27589
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Jim
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27590
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Dwight
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27591
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Jim, Pam, Michael and Dwight
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27592
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Phone Salesman
Ok. I'm, uh, I'll be going.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27593
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Jim, Pam, Michael and Dwight
Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27594
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Michael
What was that?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27595
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Pam
That was funny.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27596
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Michael
That was funny. Let's go do it to somebody else. Ayyyy!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27597
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Michael
Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doin OK, bud?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27598
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Kevin
I miss Stacy.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27599
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Michael
Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting...
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27600
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Kevin
I can't even imagine.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27601
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Pam
This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27602
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Jim
You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27603
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Pam
Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27604
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Jim
Yeah. She's fine.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27605
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Kelly
So, I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer. Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a check-up too.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27606
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Michael
Oh, wow look at those. How nice for you. Up there, front and center, beautiful. I think they would look better right here. They're very pretty and I wouldn't want them to fall.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27607
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Michael
Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion, and it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27608
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Michael
Pam, really, they're back?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27609
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Pam
I can't see them when they're on the floor
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27610
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Jim
They're for her to look at, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27611
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Michael
Can I have a word with you, Jim?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27612
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Jim
Yes, let's have a word.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27613
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Michael
Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27614
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Jim
Oh, I'm sorry.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27615
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Michael
Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27616
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Jim
I understand that.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27617
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Dwight
So sexy it becomes hostile.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27618
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Michael
Mm-hmm.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27619
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Jim
Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27620
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Michael
Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest--
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27621
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Jim
We do.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27622
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Michael
--that none of us can be a part of--
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27623
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Pam
You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27624
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Michael
--then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27625
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Jim
That sounds fun.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27626
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Michael
So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27627
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Dwight
Yeah, deal with it Pam!
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27628
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Michael
So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27629
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Dwight
Having trouble finding a vein?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27630
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Blood Drive Worker
Yup, a little.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27631
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Dwight
How about now?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27632
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Dwight
I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27633
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Michael
I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life, the transfer of my bodily fluids, oh wow, that's a big needle, that --
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27634
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Blood Drive Worker
You're gonna need to lie down right over here.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27635
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Michael
Okay. Hello.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27636
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Blood Girl
Hi, I cant talk right now. I'm sorry.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27637
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Michael
Oh, OK.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27638
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Blood Girl
Whew, I'm really nervous.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27639
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Michael
Yeah, me too.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27640
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Blood Girl
Yeah, when I get nervous I sort of clam up.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27641
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Michael
Oh, well, that's fine.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27642
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Blood Girl
Whew, it's better for me just to be quiet, yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27643
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Michael
Yeah, can I point something out to you?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27644
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Blood Girl
Sure.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27645
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Michael
You're actually talking a lot.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27646
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Blood Girl
Sorry, it's the other thing I do when I get really nervous.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27647
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Michael
Okay, here we go.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27648
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Blood Drive Worker
Alright, here we go.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27649
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Michael
Oh, God.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27650
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Blood Drive Worker
Just relax.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27651
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Michael
Yup, I'm good, whew. Wow, I feel like a human juicebox. Hawaiian blood punch.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27652
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Blood Girl
Oh, that's gross.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27653
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Michael
Type O-Ocean Spray.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27654
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Blood Girl
God, stop. Stop it.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27655
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Phyllis
Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. Michael is terrified of bob.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27656
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Pam
What do you think?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27657
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Jim
I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27658
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Pam
We're in.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27659
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Michael
Yick.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27660
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Blood Girl
What?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27661
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Michael
I looked at the bag.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27662
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Blood Girl
Ew.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27663
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Michael
I looked straight at the bag.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27664
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Blood Girl
That's not good.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27665
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Michael
Could you distract me for a second, just talk about things that don't have blood in them?
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27666
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Blood Girl
Well, ok... bags! Alright, that was bad.
Season 5 · Episode 16 · Line 27667