Every quote from The Office season 5, episode 15, in script order. First aired February 12, 2009.
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Kevin
[gasps]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27414
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Oscar
[laughs]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27415
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Angela
[gasps]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27416
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Kevin
That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27417
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Angela
No!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27418
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Meredith
Awesome!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27419
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Angela
Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27420
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Meredith
Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27421
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Kevin
No way.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27422
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Angela
No, now listen. You can't let what you see here, sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27423
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Kevin
Oh, the other one's watching.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27424
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Jim
Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27425
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Dwight
Busy!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27426
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Jim
Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27427
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Dwight
Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27428
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Jim
You know what? I could use a little help.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27429
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Dwight
You know what? I'm a little busy.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27430
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Jim
We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27431
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Dwight
It's not effeminate. It's festive.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27432
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Jim
You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27433
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Stanley
I know, I just read it on the sign.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27434
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Michael
Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper' and get them to 'Show us the money!' Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27435
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A.J.
A.J.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27436
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Michael
A.J. What kind of name is A.J.?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27437
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A.J.
[laughs]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27438
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Michael
What do you race cars?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27439
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A.J.
I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27440
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Michael
Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27441
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A.J.
Yeah. Why, are you interested?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27442
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Woman
I have a question about discounts from distributors.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27443
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Michael
Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27444
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A.J.
It's pretty serious, yes.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27445
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Michael
Huh- Does she ever talk about me?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27446
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Pam
Oh, God.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27447
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A.J.
Excuse me?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27448
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Man
What does this have to do with sales?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27449
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Michael
It's all connected. Shut up. Does she ever mention 'Michael Scott?'
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27450
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A.J.
No, what are you talking about?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27451
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Michael
Does it feel good?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27452
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A.J.
Does what feel good?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27453
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Michael
Your life. Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let's just- We'll just continue. Oh, wow. Ooh, okay.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27454
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Pam
Michael, get off the floor!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27455
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Michael
Yeah, yeah... uh, I can't do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27456
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Pam
No, no, no, you have to do it-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27457
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Michael
No, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. Okay... okay.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27458
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Pam
That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27459
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Pam
Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! Cutting down the competition.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27460
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Angela
Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27461
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Oscar
[chuckles]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27462
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Kevin
[snickers]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27463
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Angela
[meows like a cat, then hisses]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27464
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Kevin
This is getting weird.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27465
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Oscar
Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27466
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Kevin
Ohhh...
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27467
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Michael
[sighs, touches Holly's sweater, cuts off sleeve, chuckles, sees Word document on Holly's computer named 'Dear Michael,' plugs in USB flash drive to copy file from computer]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27468
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Angela
Has this been on the entire time?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27469
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Oscar
I have no idea.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27470
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Kevin
I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27471
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Angela
Well, sorry I'm late.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27472
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Oscar
I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27473
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Pam
Don't look up. Don't look up.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27474
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Michael
Want some pie?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27475
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Pam
No.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27476
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Michael
I went through Holly's things.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27477
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Pam
What?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27478
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Michael
I stole a sleeve of her sweater.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27479
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Pam
Oh, Michael...
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27480
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Michael
I also stole something off of her computer. A document called 'Dear Michael.'
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27481
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Pam
You did what?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27482
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Michael
I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27483
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Pam
She never sent it to you?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27484
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Michael
No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27485
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Pam
No.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27486
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Michael
Yes.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27487
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Pam
No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27488
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Michael
How?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27489
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Pam
Because, she didn't send it to you!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27490
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Michael
I know, I know. You're right, you're right.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27491
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Pam
I could read it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27492
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Michael
No, that wouldn't-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27493
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Pam
Yeah, I could read it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27494
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Michael
No, you don't have to do that.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27495
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Pam
Go get your laptop.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27496
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Michael
Okay.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27497
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Pam
What? I'm not in love with her.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27498
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Dwight
You have to write my suggestions down, too.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27499
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Jim
I'm not writing, 'Horse Hunt.' I don't even know what that means.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27500
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Dwight
It's in the name.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27501
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Jim
Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27502
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Dwight
You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27503
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Jim
Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27504
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Dwight
Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27505
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Jim
Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27506
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Dwight
Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. What about you?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27507
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Jim
Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27508
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Dwight
That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27509
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Jim
Didn't see that one coming.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27510
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Pam
It's deleted.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27511
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Michael
Well?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27512
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Pam
She still has feelings for you.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Quote 27513