Every line from The Office season 5, episode 15, in script order. First aired February 12, 2009.
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Michael
I am on a lecture circuit. I'm goin' around to all the branches, and I'm telling them my secret recipe for success.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27314
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Michael
I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, Mole, Lazy Eye, Mexico, Baldy.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27315
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Michael
And I turn it on and I say 'Prepare yourself for the Utica Chainsaw Massacre.'
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27316
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Karen
How's Jim?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27317
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Pam
We're engaged.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27318
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Karen
Oh my God, I'm so happy for you!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27319
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Pam
Oh, wow, thank you!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27320
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Michael
You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She's the love of my life. She just left... and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27321
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Pam
... Okay, let's go.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27322
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Oscar
Two?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27323
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Kevin
I didn't eat lunch. I didn't eat all my lunch.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27324
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Angela
Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27325
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Kevin
It... yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27326
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Oscar
Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27327
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Angela
I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27328
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Meredith
How much?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27329
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Angela
Seven thousand dollars.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27330
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Creed
For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27331
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Oscar
Where'd you get that kind of money?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27332
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Angela
I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27333
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Kevin
Wait, you didn't give it back?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27334
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Angela
He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27335
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Meredith
Seven grand?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27336
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Angela
Mm-hmm.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27337
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Meredith
I gotta see that little bitch.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27338
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Angela
I have something better than a picture. Come on.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27339
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Oscar
You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27340
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Angela
Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27341
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Meredith
She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27342
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Angela
Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27343
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Kevin
Any cat, you mean.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27344
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Angela
And person.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27345
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Pam
So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! I've been driving too long.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27346
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Dwight
What did you do?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27347
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Kelly
Stop yelling at me!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27348
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Dwight
What did you do?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27349
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Kelly
I didn't do anything!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27350
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Dwight
What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27351
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Jim
Hey! What the hell's goin' on?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27352
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Dwight
Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27353
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Kelly
I was kickin' it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27354
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Dwight
In juvie.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27355
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Jim
What?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27356
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Dwight
Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27357
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Jim
Yep.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27358
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Dwight
For reha-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27359
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Jim
Got it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27360
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Dwight
What did you do? Huh?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27361
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Jim
Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27362
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Dwight
Yeah, if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27363
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Kelly
My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27364
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Dwight
I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27365
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Jim
Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27366
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Kelly
You did? I wanna see the cake.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27367
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Jim
And... ta da.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27368
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Kelly
I hate it.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27369
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Jim
How do you hate it? It's a cake.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27370
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Kelly
Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or--- I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27371
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Jim
Right.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27372
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Jim
I forgot if there was an 'e' between the 'l' and the 'y.' I still don't know.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27373
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Kelly
I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27374
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Jim
Birthday.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27375
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Dwight
Frosting.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27376
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Kelly
Those aren't... themes. There's always a theme.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27377
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Phyllis
There's always a theme.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27378
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Dwight
Nice job on the cake, Bozo!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27379
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Jim
Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27380
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Pam
Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. Yeah.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27381
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Michael
Do I look okay?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27382
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Pam
You look good.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27383
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Michael
Hi.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27384
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Receptionist
Hi, can I help you?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27385
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Michael
Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27386
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Receptionist
Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27387
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Michael
Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27388
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Receptionist
Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27389
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Michael
Oh- She's not here?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27390
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Receptionist
But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27391
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Michael
A.J.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27392
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Receptionist
Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27393
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Michael
She has a boyfriend.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27394
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Pam
I'm so sorry, Michael.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27395
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Michael
How could she do this to me, Pam?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27396
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Pam
She's not doing it to hurt you.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27397
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Michael
I can't do the presentation, I can't- ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27398
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Pam
Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27399
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Michael
I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27400
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Pam
You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27401
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Michael
And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27402
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Pam
Yeah, maybe.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27403
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Michael
[laughs]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27404
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Pam
Maybe. One step at a time.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27405
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Michael
[sighs]
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27406
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Pam
You can do this.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27407
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Michael
I can do this.
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27408
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Oscar
It could be snacks, or-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27409
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Kevin
Why would we-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27410
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Oscar
Wha-
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27411
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Kevin
Is that what I think it is?
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27412
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Oscar
Good God!
Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27413