Every quote from The Office season 4, episode 9, in script order. First aired April 10, 2008.
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Michael
Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20668
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Jan
We saw Wicked.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20669
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Michael
When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20670
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Jan
I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have aing kid.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20671
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Michael
Do you mean it? You want to have a kid?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20672
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Jan
I hate my life.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20673
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Dwight
So can we come in?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20674
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Dwight
Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20675
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Jan
I'm just gonna check on dinner.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20676
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Dwight
Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20677
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Angela
I hate beet salad.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20678
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Woman
It's actually really good.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20679
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Dwight
Hey hey hey hey. I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20680
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Angela
The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20681
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Michael
Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20682
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Pam
Like... like what?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20683
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Michael
I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. Hey, looks great babe.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20684
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Andy
Yeah it does.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20685
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Pam
I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20686
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Jan
Can you not do that? It's disgusting.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20687
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Michael
You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20688
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Jan
Oops.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20689
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Michael
Excuse me for a second.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20690
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Jim
So... how do you guys know each other?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20691
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Woman
I was his babysitter.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20692
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Pam
And now you guys are dating?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20693
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Dwight
Purely carnal and that's all you need to know.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20694
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Jim
Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions...
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20695
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Woman
E-mail?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20696
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Jim
Nevermind.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20697
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Michael
Ok... alright... here we go. There. Oooookay.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20698
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Jim
That's nice.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20699
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Michael
Everybody enjoying their meal?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20700
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Jan
Hey babe?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20701
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20702
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Jan
How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20703
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Michael
No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20704
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Jan
Ok.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20705
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Michael
Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20706
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Jan
At least he's an artist.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20707
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Michael
BFD. I'm a screenwriter.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20708
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Jan
AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20709
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Michael
NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20710
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Jan
FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20711
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Michael
MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20712
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Jan
YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20713
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Michael
OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20714
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Jan
AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20715
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Michael
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20716
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Woman
I'm gonna get going.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20717
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Dwight
Fine. Get outta here.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20718
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Jim
It's getting late.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20719
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Michael
You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20720
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Jim
Of course
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20721
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Dwight
Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK.Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20722
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Officer 1
Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20723
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Michael
Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20724
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Officer 2
The neighbors said they heard some shouting.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20725
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Michael
Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20726
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Officer 1
You wanna press charges?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20727
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Michael
Would she get into trouble?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20728
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Officer
Yes. She'd be charged.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20729
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Michael
I will take the fall. I did it.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20730
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Officer 2
You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20731
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Jan
Michael! Michael. What are you doing to him?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20732
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Officer 1
Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20733
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Dwight
Michael can come home with me.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20734
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Michael
Jim? Pam?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20735
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Jim
Oh... my apartment's on fire
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20736
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Pam
Flooded.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20737
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Jim
Flooded.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20738
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Dwight
You people. Come on. You're sleeping with me.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20739
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Michael
No.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20740
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Dwight
I'm gonna take you home Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20741
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Michael
Nope.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20742
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Dwight
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20743
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Jan
Bye Babe!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20744
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Pam
This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20745
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Jim
You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20746
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Pam
Hmm?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20747
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Jim
I stole this. For you babe.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20748
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Pam
One night...
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20749
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Michael
My ideals at a party? Easy. Jim. Pam. Ryan. The Mayor. Barack Obama. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. Because at the end of the night, Brad or Angelina would have to come and pick him up and I would get to meet them. Shia La Beef because of Disturbia. Umm, all of the children of the world. Val Kilmer. But he probably wouldn't come, too famous. Obviously George Clooney. Umm... And Jan definitely, if there was room.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20750
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Dwight
I'll tell you about my ideal dinner party. John Wilkes Booth. Lee Harvey Oswald. Osama Bin Laden. John Wayne Gacy. Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer. 'Oh hey guys, welcome to my home. Oh, here comes the waiter with the soup, hope you guys are hungry.' Meanwhile, the waiter suddenly nods at me. But I don't acknowledge him. But I know he's an assassin because I trained him. Boom. Two minutes later, five dead psychopaths at my dining room table. All that's left to do is dispose of the bodies and collect the reward. Ugh, it's almost too easy.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20751
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Jan
A little amuse-bouche, anyone?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20752
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Pam
Food!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20753
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Jan
Okay, trivia! Does anyone know what that means?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20754
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Andy
I believe it means mouth pleaser.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20755
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Jan
Oh!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20756
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Andy
It's French. I studied some French during my semester at sea. Or, shall I say a semester at la mer, which is French for 'sea.'
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20757
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Angela
Andy, was that coordinated by the Cornell Study Abroad Office?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20758
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Andy
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20759
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Angela
The reason I ask is that Andy went to Cornell.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20760
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Jan
Ahh, did you wash your hands, babe?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20761
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Michael
Yes, I did, for you, princess. Even though I only went number one. I didn't really wash my hands. Ohhh, what have we here? This looks delicious.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20762
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Pam
Not with your hands.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20763
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Michael
They need to be presented... royally... anyone?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20764
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Andy
Mmm.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20765
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Michael
Good stuff. All right. Let's get down to some wine drinking.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20766
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Pam
Oh, my God, I thought I was gonna pass out.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Quote 20767