Every line from The Office season 4, episode 9, in script order. First aired April 10, 2008.
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Michael
Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20668
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Jan
We saw Wicked.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20669
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Michael
When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20670
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Jan
I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have aing kid.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20671
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Michael
Do you mean it? You want to have a kid?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20672
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Jan
I hate my life.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20673
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Dwight
So can we come in?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20674
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Dwight
Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20675
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Jan
I'm just gonna check on dinner.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20676
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Dwight
Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20677
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Angela
I hate beet salad.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20678
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Woman
It's actually really good.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20679
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Dwight
Hey hey hey hey. I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20680
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Angela
The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20681
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Michael
Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20682
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Pam
Like... like what?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20683
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Michael
I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. Hey, looks great babe.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20684
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Andy
Yeah it does.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20685
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Pam
I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20686
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Jan
Can you not do that? It's disgusting.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20687
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Michael
You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20688
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Jan
Oops.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20689
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Michael
Excuse me for a second.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20690
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Jim
So... how do you guys know each other?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20691
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Woman
I was his babysitter.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20692
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Pam
And now you guys are dating?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20693
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Dwight
Purely carnal and that's all you need to know.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20694
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Jim
Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions...
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20695
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Woman
E-mail?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20696
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Jim
Nevermind.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20697
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Michael
Ok... alright... here we go. There. Oooookay.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20698
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Jim
That's nice.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20699
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Michael
Everybody enjoying their meal?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20700
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Jan
Hey babe?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20701
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20702
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Jan
How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20703
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Michael
No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20704
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Jan
Ok.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20705
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Michael
Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20706
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Jan
At least he's an artist.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20707
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Michael
BFD. I'm a screenwriter.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20708
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Jan
AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20709
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Michael
NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20710
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Jan
FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20711
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Michael
MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20712
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Jan
YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20713
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Michael
OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20714
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Jan
AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20715
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Michael
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20716
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Woman
I'm gonna get going.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20717
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Dwight
Fine. Get outta here.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20718
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Jim
It's getting late.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20719
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Michael
You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20720
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Jim
Of course
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20721
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Dwight
Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK.Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20722
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Officer 1
Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20723
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Michael
Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20724
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Officer 2
The neighbors said they heard some shouting.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20725
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Michael
Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20726
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Officer 1
You wanna press charges?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20727
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Michael
Would she get into trouble?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20728
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Officer
Yes. She'd be charged.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20729
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Michael
I will take the fall. I did it.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20730
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Officer 2
You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20731
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Jan
Michael! Michael. What are you doing to him?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20732
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Officer 1
Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20733
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Dwight
Michael can come home with me.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20734
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Michael
Jim? Pam?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20735
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Jim
Oh... my apartment's on fire
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20736
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Pam
Flooded.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20737
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Jim
Flooded.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20738
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Dwight
You people. Come on. You're sleeping with me.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20739
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Michael
No.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20740
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Dwight
I'm gonna take you home Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20741
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Michael
Nope.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20742
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Dwight
Alright.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20743
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Jan
Bye Babe!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20744
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Pam
This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20745
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Jim
You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20746
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Pam
Hmm?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20747
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Jim
I stole this. For you babe.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20748
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Pam
One night...
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20749
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Michael
My ideals at a party? Easy. Jim. Pam. Ryan. The Mayor. Barack Obama. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. Because at the end of the night, Brad or Angelina would have to come and pick him up and I would get to meet them. Shia La Beef because of Disturbia. Umm, all of the children of the world. Val Kilmer. But he probably wouldn't come, too famous. Obviously George Clooney. Umm... And Jan definitely, if there was room.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20750
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Dwight
I'll tell you about my ideal dinner party. John Wilkes Booth. Lee Harvey Oswald. Osama Bin Laden. John Wayne Gacy. Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer. 'Oh hey guys, welcome to my home. Oh, here comes the waiter with the soup, hope you guys are hungry.' Meanwhile, the waiter suddenly nods at me. But I don't acknowledge him. But I know he's an assassin because I trained him. Boom. Two minutes later, five dead psychopaths at my dining room table. All that's left to do is dispose of the bodies and collect the reward. Ugh, it's almost too easy.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20751
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Jan
A little amuse-bouche, anyone?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20752
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Pam
Food!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20753
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Jan
Okay, trivia! Does anyone know what that means?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20754
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Andy
I believe it means mouth pleaser.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20755
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Jan
Oh!
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20756
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Andy
It's French. I studied some French during my semester at sea. Or, shall I say a semester at la mer, which is French for 'sea.'
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20757
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Angela
Andy, was that coordinated by the Cornell Study Abroad Office?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20758
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Andy
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20759
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Angela
The reason I ask is that Andy went to Cornell.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20760
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Jan
Ahh, did you wash your hands, babe?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20761
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Michael
Yes, I did, for you, princess. Even though I only went number one. I didn't really wash my hands. Ohhh, what have we here? This looks delicious.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20762
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Pam
Not with your hands.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20763
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Michael
They need to be presented... royally... anyone?
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20764
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Andy
Mmm.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20765
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Michael
Good stuff. All right. Let's get down to some wine drinking.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20766
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Pam
Oh, my God, I thought I was gonna pass out.
Season 4 · Episode 9 · Line 20767