Every line from The Office season 4, episode 12, in script order. First aired May 1, 2008.
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Dwight
This car's crap. I will buy it for next to nothing.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21537
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Andy
How next to?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21538
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Dwight
Well, here are your options: you can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff... you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or, you can sell it to me, and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21539
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Andy
I have to pick one of those?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21540
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Dwight
Yes.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21541
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Andy
Can you go over those options again?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21542
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Dwight
You know what? You knock $1500 of the price right now, and I will take it off your hands. It's gotta be now.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21543
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Andy
Well I have the, the blue book value...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21544
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Dwight
Seal the deal. Let's do it. Let's do this thing. Three, two, one--
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21545
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Andy
Can I think about it?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21546
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Dwight
Five, four, three, two...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21547
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Andy
Let me think about it--
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21548
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Dwight
Now. Now. Now.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21549
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Andy
Let me think about it--
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21550
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Dwight
Say it. Do it. Now.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21551
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Andy
I'm thinking about it--
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21552
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Dwight
Do it now.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21553
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Andy
Thinking--
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21554
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Dwight
Do it. Shake my hand. You will sell me this car. Shake my hand.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21555
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Andy
Yeah. All right!
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21556
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Stanley
What.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21557
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Michael
I, uh, see that you... gave me that form that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly, so thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21558
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Stanley
What are you talking about?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21559
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Michael
Well, you know, uh, the thing that you said earlier, that you didn't mean, um, and that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? Friends don't need to apologize to friends as far as I'm concerned, so we are cool.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21560
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Stanley
I am not going to apologize to you.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21561
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Stanley
It's like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one too.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21562
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Dwight
Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters, hence the green line--green for money-sales, get it?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21563
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Michael
Uh huh...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21564
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Dwight
There is this yellow zigzag that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21565
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Michael
Great
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21566
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Dwight
However, in so doing, it zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21567
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Michael
What's the pink?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21568
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Dwight
Menstrual cycles.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21569
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Michael
Ok... Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21570
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Dwight
You.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21571
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Michael
Other than me.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21572
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Dwight
Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart. This gives me full authority over every single person in the office.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21573
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Michael
I never said you could do that.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21574
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Dwight
All you have to do it say it.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21575
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Michael
I...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21576
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Dwight
Just say it.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21577
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Michael
Okay, I will think about it.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21578
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Dwight
Say it. Just do it. Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... do it. Give me control. Michael... I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. Do it, Michael. Do it. Hey, this office needs a strong man. Say it.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21579
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Michael
No.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21580
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Dwight
So... All right, well, you're gonna have to deal with this yourself.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21581
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Kevin
Hey Pam, I really like your glasses.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21582
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Pam
Oh, thanks.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21583
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Kevin
All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21584
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Pam
Oh, okay...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21585
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Kevin
Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me actually...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21586
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Pam
I should probably get back to...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21587
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Kevin
Like librarians.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21588
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Pam
Entering the....
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21589
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Kevin
Could you just say, 'these are due back Thursday'?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21590
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Pam
No. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Okay, go ahead.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21591
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Creed
A lot of jazz cats are blind, but they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21592
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Darryl
Mike.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21593
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Michael
Hey.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21594
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Darryl
I'm very busy here, man.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21595
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Michael
Darryl, have you ever been in a gang?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21596
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Darryl
Why?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21597
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Michael
It's an advice question, and if you don't wanna talk about it, I completely understand. It's, um...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21598
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Darryl
No, no, no...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21599
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Michael
I know, it's very, very personal...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21600
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Darryl
No, um... I have.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21601
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Michael
I knew it. Okay, who we talking about here? Crips? Bloods?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21602
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Darryl
Both.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21603
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Michael
God.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21604
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Darryl
Yeah them, and the Latin Kings... the Warriors...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21605
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Michael
Okay.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21606
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Darryl
Newsies.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21607
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Michael
Okay, so dig this: you're on the street, and one of your gang disses you.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21608
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Darryl
Oh my goodness.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21609
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Michael
Yeah, right, so what do you do to get them to make it right?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21610
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Darryl
Well see, um... in the gang world, we use something called Fluffy Fingers.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21611
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Michael
What is that?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21612
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Darryl
That's when somebody really gets in your face, you know, you just... start tickling them.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21613
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Michael
Really?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21614
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Darryl
Yeah, and then he starts tickling you. You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. Ya'll can just go to church together... get an ice cream cone.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21615
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Michael
I would've never thought that gangs would be tickling each other.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21616
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Darryl
Well, it's effective.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21617
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Ryan
I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim, come here for a second. Can you answer me something, as, as a true Eagles fan?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21618
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Jim
Oh boy...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21619
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Ryan
How do you live with a franchise this bad?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21620
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Jim
On a wing and a prayer, mostly.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21621
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Ryan
Alright, whatever you say. Uh, listen, while I have you here with Toby, I need to give you a formal warning about your job performance.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21622
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Jim
A formal warning...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21623
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Ryan
It's actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here, and I know how little you care about your job. And honestly if you spent as much time selling as you do goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21624
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Jim
I'm sorry, is, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? Because I really didn't mean to go over your head.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21625
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Ryan
This is nothing to do with that, alright? I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. I thrive on it.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21626
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Jim
I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining a little better? Cause I'm not sure what's really...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21627
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Ryan
Woah, don't get all defensive, alright? It's just a warning. If you want the details, Toby can provide them. You take it easy, alright?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21628
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Toby
I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk, and, and hanging out with Pam, has finally caught up to him... w-with Pam
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21629
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Pam
Hey, what happened? What did Ryan want?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21630
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Jim
Oh we were just... talking about, bureaucratic stuff...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21631
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Pam
Because you're very important?
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21632
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Jim
Yeah...
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21633
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Dwight
Rocka doopa deepa do POW! Shacka do DO! Oh! What's Dwight up to? Oh probably nothing. Racka do do dee do-do do-do! Sha-KA!
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21634
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Andy
What the hell is this all about? You're flipping my car for profit.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21635
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Dwight
It's my car now.
Season 4 · Episode 12 · Line 21636