Every line from The Office season 4, episode 11, in script order. First aired April 24, 2008.
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Pam
What's wrong Michael?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21075
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Michael
I got gum in my hair.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21076
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Pam
You do.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21077
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Michael
This just stinks. Don't touch it, please don't touch it.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21078
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Dwight
You've got a ton of dandruff.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21079
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Michael
OK, let me be.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21080
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Jim
How'd you get gum in your hair?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21081
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Michael
I was walking in and I noticed something shinny under Stanley's car and I got under to see what it was and I messed up my hair, all for a stupid piece of tinfoil.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21082
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Jim
But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21083
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Michael
Kill me... right now.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21084
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Pam
We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21085
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Michael
I don't feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21086
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Jim
Nope. Not for you it's for your hair, and it is 9 am.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21087
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Pam
No Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are going to get mad.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21088
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Michael
Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we're talking about.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21089
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Michael
Smells good.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21090
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Dwight
Taste good too.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21091
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Michael
Oh don't. That's disgusting.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21092
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Dwight
Wow! Lot of calories.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21093
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Michael
Well just don't leave it on too long. Keep massaging please. Ah yeah, that's nice.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21094
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Dwight
Hey Michael, how was your date last night?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21095
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Michael
[sighs]
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21096
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Michael
I will be honest; the dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty, like a piece of fine art by any number of renowned artists, or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude... that, but the women I'm getting fixed up with are, egh! Not that they aren't nice, or that have great personalities, they just... They just lack a certain... Crawfordness.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21097
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Oscar
I am livid, Absolutely livid.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21098
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Angela
It's ridiculous.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21099
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Ryan
Yes, I'm having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday so they can re-enter sales that they made on the phone as sales that were made by the website which they should have done in the first place, if the website had been working.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21100
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Ryan
My favorite branch. How's everybody doing?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21101
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Jim
Hey man, you mind if I run something by you?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21102
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Ryan
Love it. Go.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21103
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Jim
Well, I kinda feel like what we have going for us is our customer service, and no matter how we change this up, I don't know that a website's going to be able to replace that.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21104
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Ryan
I can tell you thought about this a lot, I appreciate that.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21105
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Jim
Thanks.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21106
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Ryan
David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party, right?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21107
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Jim
Did I? I don't...
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21108
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Ryan
You did. Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21109
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Jim
Hmm.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21110
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Ryan
Watch your back Jim. I'm just kidding.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21111
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Michael
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow, however, I swear to God, If any of you hurts him in any way emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half beard or...
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21112
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Ryan
Ok thanks Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21113
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21114
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Ryan
I'm here today to do some creative problem solving about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21115
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Dwight
Question.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21116
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Ryan
Dwight.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21117
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Dwight
Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow and pretend that a website made sales that I made?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21118
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Ryan
This is a temporary measure to increase the legitimacy of the site.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21119
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Stanley
I don't like when my clients call me to help them use the website, I'm not seeing commissions on that.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21120
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Ryan
I hear you Stanley, that is a great observation. Problems like that will not happen when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2 point O.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21121
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Stanley
When will that be?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21122
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Ryan
TBD. Phyllis?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21123
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Phyllis
Did the police solve the problem with the...
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21124
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Ryan
Yes, yes they did, yes they did.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21125
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Ryan
Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21126
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Dwight
I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21127
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Jim
Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21128
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Ryan
It's all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21129
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Jim
And then an older gentleman asked you 'Boxers or briefs?'
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21130
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Creed
I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21131
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Kelly
If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21132
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Ryan
Do you have a question Kelly?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21133
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Kelly
Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21134
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Michael
Ryan has done a very good job, and I am not applauding sarcastically. Think about it, a month ago nobody would go on this site because we were worried about getting molested, or losing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time TDB, all of the problems will be in the past. Ya done good kid, ya done good.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21135
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Michael
Well it has been nice seeing you again my friend.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21136
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Ryan
You too.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21137
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Michael
Oh Ryan, I need a girlfriend so bad.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21138
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Ryan
Michael let me go. Let me go Michael.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21139
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Michael
Argh. Alright. Do you know any girls in New York you might want to hook me up with? Some that might be interested in a guy like me.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21140
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Ryan
Na.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21141
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Michael
Na?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21142
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Ryan
Sorry man.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21143
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Michael
Well you tried.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21144
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Ryan
But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21145
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21146
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Ryan
Unreal.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21147
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Michael
They sound great.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21148
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Ryan
Bye everyone. Stay real Scranton, alright. Peace.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21149
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Michael
Would you have sex with Meredith?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21150
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Jim
What?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21151
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Michael
Do you think she'd keep it quiet?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21152
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Jim
I'm gonna go to my desk.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21153
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Michael
Jim, it's not the horniness, ok it's the loneliness that...
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21154
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Jim
I know.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21155
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Michael
Let's go to New York. We'll go clubbing with Ryan.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21156
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Jim
I can't.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21157
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Michael
Yes you can, you're single, I'm single. It'll be awesome.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21158
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Jim
I'm not single.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21159
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Michael
Who you dating?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21160
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Jim
Pam.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21161
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Michael
That's still going on?
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21162
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Michael
Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we're going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21163
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Dwight
Yeah!
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21164
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Andy
Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21165
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Angela
I'm right here.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21166
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Dwight
No, singles only, singles only. Also three is unlucky. Curse of three.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21167
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Michael
Sorry Andy. Cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight. Let's go. Everybody, I will see you tomorrow, Saturday morning, probably wearing the same clothes that I am wearing right now, If you catch my drift.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21168
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Angela
We get it.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21169
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Michael
I am going to go get laid. Goodbye.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21170
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Dwight
With sex!
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21171
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Michael
That's... I, I think that...
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21172
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Jim
You know what? If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn't have to come in at all tomorrow.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21173
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Jim
So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas... the one time a year they hear one.
Season 4 · Episode 11 · Line 21174