Every line from The Office season 3, episode 22, in script order. First aired May 10, 2007.
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Michael
No.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16363
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Dwight
Please?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16364
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Michael
No!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16365
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Dwight
Is that a sumo suit?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16366
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Michael
No.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16367
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Dwight
I know, we're putting on a play for Japanese investors.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16368
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Michael
No, we are not.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16369
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Dwight
Please tell me. I've been so good...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16370
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Michael
You are really annoying me. If you don't knock it off...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16371
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Dwight
Please.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16372
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Michael
...I'm never gonna tell you anything ever again. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16373
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Dwight
Please.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16374
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Meredith
Can we please pull over at the next rest stop?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16375
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Michael
No. We're only 10 minutes from the lake.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16376
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Meredith
Pull over! Pull over!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16377
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Michael
Yes, I am choosing my apprentice. Which is why I have modeled all my games after Survivor.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16378
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Michael
Any questions?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16379
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Jim
Just one.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16380
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Michael
Yup.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16381
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Jim
The torches are lit.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16382
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Michael
Yes, for dramatic affect.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16383
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Jim
No, Michael, people are blindfolded. That's a hazard.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16384
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Michael
Very good, Jim. Pam, please note that Jim is very astute. All right, are we ready?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16385
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Jim
Are you not gonna put out the torches?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16386
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Michael
Set!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16387
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Jim
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16388
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Michael
Go!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16389
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Phyllis
I think Jim would be a good boss. Plus he's eye candy. It's OK, Bob... Vance knows he's on my list. Um, George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jim, and that British guy that got in trouble with a prostitute.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16390
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Andy
It is an honor just to be considered for Michael's job. Honestly. And if I win it, then I will be ordering a pretty sizeable Most Improved Player plaque to put over the hole I punched in the wall.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16391
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Michael
Okay. Pam, who came out best in the race, in your opinion?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16392
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Pam
Um, Karen left her blindfold on the longest but she also threw her egg at Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16393
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Michael
Because he wasn't following the rules.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16394
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Pam
I think they were just having fun.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16395
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Michael
But they didn't complete their task, Pam! If people can't carry an egg in a spoon, blindfolded, then what does that tell you about how they will be able to manage a sales report, or conduct a business call?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16396
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Pam
It tells me nothing.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16397
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Michael
Exactly. Are you sure you're doing that right? Taking an awfully long time.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16398
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Pam
There's 800 of them!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16399
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Michael
Okay, all right.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16400
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Michael
It's very important that you all try to eat as many hotdogs as you can...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16401
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Meredith
Hotdogs are really unhealthy.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16402
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Michael
Son of a bitch. God! Okay. All right you know what? Here we go. On your mark! Get set!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16403
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Phyllis
Is there any mustard?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16404
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Michael
No mustard! No mustard! Just... eat it. Eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it will slide down your gullet more easily.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16405
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Everyone
That's what she said!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16406
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Michael
No, no, no, no, not that--- just... come on, you guys, let's do it! I'm serious. Who's got the hungry?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16407
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Dwight
I do!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16408
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Michael
Who's got the hungry?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16409
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Dwight
I do!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16410
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Michael
Come on, Ryan...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16411
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Dwight
Let's go.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16412
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Michael
Ryan, I want to see you with a hot dog in your mouth. Right now.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16413
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Jim
Karen and I are having our own contest to see who can eat the most normal amount of tuna salad in an unspecified but very cofortable amount of time. I don't know what to tell you. Right now? Dead heat.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16414
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Andy
Keep eating tuna, Big Tuna. Loser!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16415
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Jim
He's gonna throw up.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16416
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Michael
Ready! Go!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16417
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Phyllis
The guy who sits behind me and the guy who sits across from me are fighting to see who becomes my boss.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16418
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Dwight
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Eat sand, you fat, old man!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16419
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Kevin
Oh, I'm out of it. Let's face it, the hot dog-eating contest was my best shot.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16420
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Ryan
Michael, since Andy isn't here, maybe I could be the team captain.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16421
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Michael
You? You haven't made a sale.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16422
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Ryan
I know, but I'd like to give this a try.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16423
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Michael
Don't try to flirt your way into this. Sometimes you really creep me out.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16424
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Andy
Wait!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16425
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Michael
Andy Bernard is in first place with four hot dogs! Dwight Schrute is a close second with three and a half! Here comes Stanley! Here comes Stanley, with three hot dogs!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16426
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Michael
This is an inflatable sumo suit. Now, in the olden days, when they wanted to find a guy who could be king, they would have him pull a sword out of a stone. Well, times have changed. And it's not even about who is the best sumo wrestler. It's about who is the best boss. And I don't even care who wins. It's how they wrestle in a blow-up suit... that will tell me all I need to know or how sumo...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16427