Every line from The Office season 3, episode 22, in script order. First aired May 10, 2007.
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Michael
It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16163
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Stanley
There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16164
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Michael
Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16165
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Oscar
Come on Phyllis, you can do it. Ahh...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16166
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Stanley
Thank you so much.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16167
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Andy
Phyllis is out. Yes! Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16168
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Kelly
I don't want to hit the big rock!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16169
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Andy
Don't worry. You're not...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16170
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Kelly
I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16171
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Andy
No where near the big rock.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16172
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Kelly
I just don't want to get hit by it...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16173
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Andy
What're you doing? No! See, now we're disqualified.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16174
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Andy
I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16175
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Jim
Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16176
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Karen
Hole?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16177
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Jim
Yup. Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16178
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Dwight
Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16179
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Ryan
Can you just stop this right now, or I'm not gonna do this anymore.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16180
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Dwight
What are you saying?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16181
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Ryan
You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16182
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Dwight
OK, I apologize for yelling at you.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16183
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Ryan
That's what being a good captain is about. It's about listening to the members of your team.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16184
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Dwight
I am trying to bring team spirit.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16185
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Jim
Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. Yes!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16186
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Karen
Oh my God! You ass!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16187
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Pam
There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16188
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Michael
Pam...you're missing things.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16189
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Dwight
Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you bastard! What the? Damn it temp!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16190
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Andy
Great job everyone, that was fantastic.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16191
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Michael
Okay Pam, I have another little project for you.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16192
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Pam
Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16193
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Michael
Smart as a whip! Yes! These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16194
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Pam
When's the contest?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16195
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Michael
Like umm...ten minutes?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16196
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Pam
How am I supposed to... get...
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16197
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Michael
Thanks a bunch.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16198
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Michael
A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16199
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Michael
OK, who's hungry No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16200
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Kelly
Can I have a turkey burger?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16201
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Michael
No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16202
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Oscar
Turkey is a healthy meat.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16203
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Dwight
It's very good for you.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16204
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Michael
Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16205
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Phyllis
Is there any mustard?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16206
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Michael
No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16207
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Michael
Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16208
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Meredith
What is it?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16209
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Michael
I can't say.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16210
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Jim
You can't say, or you can't pronounce it?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16211
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Michael
The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16212
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Kelly
Can we just take those first two things?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16213
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Michael
The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16214
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Dwight
You're leaving?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16215
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Michael
I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16216
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Andy
I am so hungry!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16217
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Stanley
Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16218
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Michael
Word. There we go. Let's see it.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16219
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Stanley
I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16220
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Michael
Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16221
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Kelly
Team U.S.A.!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16222
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Andy
One came up.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16223
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Michael
13 hot dogs, everybody!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16224
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Dwight
Damn it!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16225
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Creed
Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16226
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Dwight
Sabotage.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16227
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Angela
What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16228
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Dwight
No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16229
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Angela
I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16230
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Dwight
If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16231
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Michael
It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16232
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Stanley
Uh, we don't have any safety mittens
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16233
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Michael
Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16234
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Karen
Get 'em big boy!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16235
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Michael
Aaaaaand, go!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16236
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Karen
C'mon, Jim!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16237
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Stanley
[growly noises, Jim looks terrified]
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16238
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Jim
What are you doing?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16239
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Michael
Nice, Stanley!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16240
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Stanley
Sorry about that. It's all about taking points away from Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16241
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Jim
Yeah. No. Good.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16242
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Jim
Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16243
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Oscar
If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16244
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Dwight
Gaaaaa....
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16245
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Michael
One. Two. Three.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16246
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Dwight
Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16247
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Michael
Excellent!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16248
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Dwight
Gryffindor! Gryffindor!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16249
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Andy
I didn't win. But the only reason I didn't win is because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16250
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Dwight
That's not why you lost.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16251
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Andy
Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16252
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Dwight
Yeah, right.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16253
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Andy
Yeah, right, c'mon! C'mon!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16254
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Dwight
Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16255
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Andy
Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16256
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Angela
What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them?
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16257
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Andy
Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16258
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Angela
I don't understand what you want from me.
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16259
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Andy
Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16260
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Angela
Sorry! Bye, Andy!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16261
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Andy
Angela!
Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16262