Every line from The Office season 3, episode 18, in script order. First aired April 5, 2007.
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Kelly
...and you call me, to calm you down...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14700
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Ryan
You know what? I didn't---
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14701
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Toby
Can you stop...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14702
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Kelly
...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14703
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Toby
There's a bunch of people back here, maybe...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14704
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Ryan
Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14705
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Toby
Guys...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14706
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Kelly
I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14707
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Toby
I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14708
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14709
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Darryl
You ready for me?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14710
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Michael
Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14711
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Darryl
Cool.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14712
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Michael
You know what? Actually, let's go into the conference room.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14713
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Darryl
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14714
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Michael
No, you know what? Let's stay here. No let's go... Yeah let's go to the conference room.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14715
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Michael
Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws 'em off.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14716
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Michael
Number 14, declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14717
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Michael
I am declining to speak first.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14718
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Darryl
Okay, I'll start. It's pretty simple really. I uh, I think I deserve a raise. I'm scheduled to get one in six months, but I'd like that to be moved up to now.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14719
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Michael
Hmm. Ohh, Darryl. You are a good worker, and a good man. I just, you know, times are tight. And I just don't think corporate is going to go for this right now.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14720
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Darryl
Are you wearin' lady clothes?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14721
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Michael
What?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14722
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Darryl
Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14723
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Michael
No, this is a power suit.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14724
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Darryl
That there's a woman's suit.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14725
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Michael
I do not buy woman's clothes. I would not make that mistake again.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14726
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Darryl
I'ma call Roy, man.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14727
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Michael
Ohh... kay.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14728
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Darryl
This is gonna make him feel better.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14729
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Michael
All right.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14730
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Darryl
This is too good.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14731
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Michael
Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14732
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Pam
Oh my God, that's a woman's suit!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14733
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Kevin
You're wearing a woman's suit?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14734
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Michael
No, I do, I, I wear men's suits, OK? I got this out of a bin.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14735
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Michael
There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit! So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14736
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Kevin
Who makes it?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14737
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Michael
Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14738
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Phyllis
Look, it's got shoulderpads, and did you see that lining?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14739
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Michael
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14740
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Phyllis
Did you see...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14741
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Michael
Would you stop it, please?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14742
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Jim
So, none of that tipped you off?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14743
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Michael
It's European, OK? It's a European cut.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14744
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Pam
Michael, the pants don't have any pockets.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14745
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Michael
No, they don't. See?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14746
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Pam
[Laughing, covering her mouth]
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14747
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Michael
Italians don't wear pockets.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14748
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Pam
It's been a really rough couple of days... This helps a little.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14749
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Karen
Hey, maybe you want to come over and raid my closet?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14750
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Michael
No, I don't want to do that because I'm twice your size anyway.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14751
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Darryl
Yeah, he look like Hillary Clinton.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14752
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Michael
Um, let's just do this in 15 minutes.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14753
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Darryl
Okay, can you just stand right there? I gotta send some e-mails.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14754
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Michael
Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver's seat. And make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14755
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Kevin
Karen, how do you feel that Roy tried to kick your boyfriend's ass over another woman?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14756
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Karen
I feel great, Kevin. Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14757
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Stanley
You must have been scared out of your mind.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14758
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Karen
Well, you know it happened so fast I didn't really have time to be scared.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14759
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Angela
What happened, exactly? I wasn't here, so I haven't really heard the whole story.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14760
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Karen
Um, well, Jim and I were talking and Roy walked in looking super angry.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14761
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Angela
Mm-hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14762
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Karen
And he's a big dude, you know? And all of a sudden, Jim pushed me out of the way, and Roy cocked his fist, and then bam, Dwight sprays him and knocks him on his butt.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14763
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Angela
Goodness.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14764
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Karen
When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed, my reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14765
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Michael
Let's get down to business. Why don't you tell me why you think you deserve a raise.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14766
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Darryl
Well, it's simple Mike. I mean we merged these two branches right? So now we're shipping twice as many orders as we used to. With Roy gone we got a smaller crew. And I'm pickin' up all of his slack, so I think I should be compensated fairly, by gettin' a raise.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14767
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Michael
[mumbles jibberish]
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14768
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Darryl
What? I can't hear you.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14769
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Michael
That was a very good point.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14770
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Darryl
I can't--- what, Mike? Are you---
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14771
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Michael
You make a very compelling argument.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14772
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Pam
Sorry I almost got you killed.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14773
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Jim
Yeah, that was nuts.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14774
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Pam
He could have broken your nose or something. Crazy. It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what was I thinking, right?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14775
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Jim
No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14776
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Pam
Not anymore. It's, um... It's completely over now.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14777
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Jim
We'll see. I'm sure you guys will... find you way back to one another someday.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14778
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Pam
Jim... I am really... sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14779
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Jim
Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14780
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Michael
I am going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14781
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Darryl
Why can't I just... tell you?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14782
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Michael
Because, that is the way these things are done. In... films. No, slide--- slide it, yes.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14783
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Darryl
There you go.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14784
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Michael
Oh. Come on. Be serious.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14785
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Darryl
I am serious, Mike. That's a 10% raise. That's what I want.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14786
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Michael
I... I can't give you that, I--- I don't make this much.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14787
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Darryl
Come on, be for real Mike.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14788
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Michael
I don't. Want me to prove it to you? There is... a pay stub.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14789
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Darryl
Are you serious? You're earning this?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14790
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Michael
Plus perks, yes.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14791
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Darryl
Mike, this is barely more than I make. You been here ten years, dog.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14792
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Michael
Fourteen years.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14793
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Darryl
Ho-ho!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14794
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Michael
No, please, please...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14795
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Darryl
Oh, I'm sorry Mike, some of my folks got to hear about this one. Ah.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14796
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Michael
Ok, let's take 15, again.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14797
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Michael
A boss's salary isn't just about money, it is about perks. It... for example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14798
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Jim
Ok, if you don't want a gift, at least let me buy you a beer, or lunch or something.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14799