Every quote from The Office season 3, episode 18, in script order. First aired April 5, 2007.
-
Karen
So do you want to see it or not?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14600
-
Jim
I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14601
-
Karen
Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14602
-
Jim
Agoraphobic?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14603
-
Karen
Yeah.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14604
-
Jim
Really?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14605
-
Karen
Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14606
-
Jim
Absolutely correct.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14607
-
Kevin
Later, Jim.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14608
-
Jim
Kev, have a good weekend.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14609
-
Karen
Bye. Ok, so this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14610
-
Jim
Here we go...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14611
-
Karen
...and we're gonna go to dinner.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14612
-
Jim
Ok...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14613
-
Karen
And then we're gonna go to the movies.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14614
-
Jim
Sounds good.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14615
-
Roy
Hey Halpert!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14616
-
Jim
Hey...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14617
-
Pam
ROY!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14618
-
Karen
[shrieks]
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14619
-
Pam
Roy don't!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14620
-
Roy
Ahh God!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14621
-
Dwight
Pam, please call security!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14622
-
Dwight
Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14623
-
Michael
No need for consternation, everything is under control.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14624
-
Jan
Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14625
-
Michael
It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14626
-
Jan
Is Toby there?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14627
-
Michael
No...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14628
-
Toby
I'm... here, Jan.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14629
-
Jan
Ok, what... what is the situation Toby?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14630
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Toby
Well, we fired Roy, obviously. And Jim won't press charges against Roy or the company.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14631
-
Jan
Thank God.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14632
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Toby
Yeah, um, but now apparently Darryl has some issue with his...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14633
-
Michael
No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14634
-
Jan
All right, well are you gonna take care of this?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14635
-
Michael
Yeppers.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14636
-
Jan
What did I tell you about 'yeppers?'
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14637
-
Michael
I don't... remember.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14638
-
Jan
I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14639
-
Michael
Yeesh...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14640
-
Pam
I really don't want to talk about it. I don't mean to be rude, but I just... I don't want to comment on what happened. It
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14641
-
Jim
I guess... all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14642
-
Jim
Hey man, I never got a chance to thank you... for stopping Roy. Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14643
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Dwight
Thank you not necessary and thus, not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law and I interceded.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14644
-
Jim
Okay. Um... Got you something.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14645
-
Dwight
Don't want it.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14646
-
Jim
You don't know what it is.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14647
-
Dwight
Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14648
-
Jim
It was a little glass display case for his for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even Steven.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14649
-
Dwight
No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14650
-
Oscar
Angela, Roy's check. He's coming in later to pick it up.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14651
-
Kevin
Man, I cannot believe I missed the fight.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14652
-
Oscar
It was crazy.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14653
-
Angela
You saw it? Describe it please.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14654
-
Oscar
Well, I heard some shouting. And I look over and Roy's by reception and you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. Jim says something. Roy stomps over there. All of the sudden, BAM. Roy goes down, and Dwight's standing there like an action hero.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14655
-
Angela
Oh...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14656
-
Oscar
It was insane!
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14657
-
Angela
Well... good for Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14658
-
Michael
Ok I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise, because I want to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14659
-
Jim
Where'd you get that?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14660
-
Michael
Wikipedia.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14661
-
Michael
Wikipedia... is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14662
-
Michael
Ok, Darryl, ask me for a raise.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14663
-
Jim
Hey, Mike. Since Roy left I've been doing a lot more work, and I need a raise.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14664
-
Michael
Hmm, well that's interesting Darryl. I think... that maybe you should...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14665
-
Jim
I can't hear you.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14666
-
Michael
What I'm saying is that,
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14667
-
Jim
Still nothin'.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14668
-
Michael
Ok, see what I did?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14669
-
Jim
No.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14670
-
Michael
By leaning back, and by whispering, I established a dominant physical position.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14671
-
Jim
Nice.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14672
-
Michael
Ok, let's try another one. Um...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14673
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14674
-
Michael
Walking out of the room unexpectedly.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14675
-
Jim
And what happens in this one?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14676
-
Michael
It's a surprise.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14677
-
Jim
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14678
-
Michael
Go ahead, ask me for a raise.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14679
-
Jim
Can I have a raise?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14680
-
Michael
[gets up and begins to walk out of the room]
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14681
-
Jim
Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14682
-
Michael
What?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14683
-
Jim
What?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14684
-
Michael
No, what did you say?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14685
-
Jim
I didn't say anything. I was waiting to see what happened.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14686
-
Michael
Oh it... sounded interesting... what you were gonna...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14687
-
Dwight
I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14688
-
Toby
Which is where?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14689
-
Dwight
Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14690
-
Toby
Thanks Dwight.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14691
-
Kelly
That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14692
-
Ryan
I can't imagine what I would have done.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14693
-
Kelly
I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14694
-
Ryan
Well that was funny, that's why.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14695
-
Kelly
Oh it was?
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14696
-
Ryan
Mm-hmm.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14697
-
Kelly
Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14698
-
Ryan
Okay.
Season 3 · Episode 18 · Quote 14699