Every line from The Office season 3, episode 17, in script order. First aired February 22, 2007.
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Roy
Yeah? Get you a drink.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14360
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Kenny
Thanks man.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14361
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Angela
No thank you, Roy.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14362
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Dwight
Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14363
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Michael
What are you looking for? You bring dip?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14364
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Jan
I'm sure that it's catered. I need you to sign these, Michael. It's a waver of some of your rights. You should read it carefully. It releases the company in the event that our relationship, in your opinion or in reality, interferes with work. You get a copy, I get a copy, and a third copy goes to HR.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14365
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Michael
Awesome. I'm going to frame mine. I could frame yours too.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14366
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Jan
You realize this is a legal document that says you can't sue the company.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14367
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Michael
Over our love.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14368
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Jan
I've never told you that I love you.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14369
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Michael
You don't have to, Jan. This contract says it all.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14370
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Jan
I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14371
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Jan
What's this over the 'i'?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14372
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Michael
It's a heart.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14373
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Jan
Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14374
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Michael
I love this woman!
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14375
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Jan
Oh, no. Michael, please. Michael, please.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14376
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Dwight
Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14377
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Dan Gore
No.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14378
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Dwight
No? Then you are an idiot.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14379
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Rachel
Hello Michael.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14380
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Michael
Rachel. Boy, you clean up good. Place looks great with all the lights on. And everything. Actually looks bigger with people in it. It's weird. So...
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14381
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David
Jan, glad you could make it.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14382
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Jan
Of course, of course, David. Do you remember Michael Scott?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14383
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David
Of course I do.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14384
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Jan
From the Scranton Branch.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14385
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Michael
Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14386
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Jan
David, can I, um, speak to you privately for just a moment, please.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14387
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Rachel
Excuse me.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14388
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Michael
Ok.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14389
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Pam
Oh. No. Actually, one of these is supposed to be a lite.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14390
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Bartender
Oh, sorry.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14391
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Man
So did the merger go smoothly, or?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14392
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Michael
It did. Like butter. Mike Myers, SNL. You should ask Karen, she was one of them.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14393
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Karen
I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14394
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Michael
Yeah, but you're great now, right? We're all great. Aren't we great?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14395
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Jan
We're good. Michael, stop. Please stop that, ok?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14396
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Rachel
Can I get anyone anything, or?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14397
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Michael
I could go for an appeteaser.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14398
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Jan
Martini please.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14399
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Michael
Bagel bites or something.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14400
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Karen
Rachel, your house is beautiful.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14401
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Rachel
Thank you.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14402
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Dwight
What's the square footage?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14403
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David
About 5,000.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14404
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Dwight
Does that include the garage?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14405
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Michael
Dwight, wow. That's not appropriate.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14406
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Dwight
I'm just...
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14407
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David
I don't know
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14408
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Dwight
It's a common question.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14409
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Michael
David, how much did this house cost?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14410
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Dwight
These old colonials are great, when they're sound. I'd love to take a look around.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14411
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Rachel
I'll show you around.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14412
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Dwight
Cool, let's start with the banisters.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14413
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Karen
Hey, do you see that guy behind you in the blue blazer against the wall?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14414
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Jim
Yep.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14415
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Karen
That's Drake. And just so you know, I don't want to be weird or anything, but we use to date.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14416
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Jim
Oh, ok. Cool. Thanks for telling me.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14417
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Karen
And it didn't end well.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14418
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Jim
Gotcha. Alright.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14419
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David
This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty year old, single malt scotch.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14420
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Michael
Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the De Lorean.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14421
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Jan
You ok?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14422
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Michael
Yeah. Do you have any ice?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14423
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David
Sure.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14424
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Michael
How about some Splenda?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14425
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Roy
One, two, three, up Jenkins! Down Jenkins. Oh, I think I heard the quarter over here.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14426
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Kenny
Where?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14427
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Roy
On this side.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14428
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Kevin
No, it is definitely under one of these hands.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14429
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Ryan
I think I heard it on Roy's side.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14430
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Kevin
No, it is here.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14431
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Ryan
Not here. Not here. Not here. Not here.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14432
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Kevin
Good thing you didn't listen to me.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14433
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Ryan
Yeah, close one.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14434
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Roy
Not here. Not here. It's either here or here. Not here..
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14435
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Kenny
YES!
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14436
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Pam
Nice job.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14437
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Roy
I can read you like a book.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14438
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Pam
Oh yeah?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14439
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Roy
You can't keep anything from me.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14440
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Student 1
Hey Creed.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14441
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Creed
Hey! What are you guys doing here?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14442
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Student 2
You're the man buddy.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14443
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Creed
I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14444
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Dwight
Huh. Yeah, these studs are way too far apart. What's in here?.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14445
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Rachel
Uh, that's a guest room.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14446
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Dwight
Just the one window?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14447
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Rachel
Oh. I must get that. You'll have to excuse me.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14448
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Dwight
Are those real pearls?
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14449
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Rachel
Uh, yes.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14450
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Dwight
Good.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14451
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Jim
Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Take care.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14452
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Karen
Well, if you're wondering why his wife was staring daggers at me, it's because I kinda saw him for a little bit while they were separated.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14453
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Jim
Oh. Hadn't noticed.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14454
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Karen
Really? I thought it was so obvious. I'm glad it didn't make you uncomfortable.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14455
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Jim
No, it was before I knew you so, its fine.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14456
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Michael
This one really smells like vanilla. Check that out.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14457
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Jan
It's nice.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14458
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Michael
You and the misses should join us at Sandals Jamaica next Christmas.
Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14459