Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 9, in script order. First aired November 22, 2005.
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Jim
Oh?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5198
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Michael
Jim. Lots of e-mails to Amazon, lots of wasted computer space. Alright, let's get back to work.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5199
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Toby
Yeah, I assumed Michael was already doing this. That's why I only use my personal e-mail account.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5200
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Michael
Ooo, bleh bleh bleh.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5201
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Dwight
Where's your tie?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5202
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Michael
I don't know. Just felt like taking it off. Man, work can be just so damn frustrating don't ya think, Jim?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5203
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Jim
Uh, yeah, I guess.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5204
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Dwight
What's going on, Michael. Talk to me.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5205
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Michael
I don't know, same old stuff. Same old. Boss just been ridin' my ass.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5206
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Dwight
Oh no! Jan!? What's goin' on?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5207
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Michael
I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna hang out, just be one of the guys.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5208
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Dwight
The most important one of the guys.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5209
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Michael
That's not the point.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5210
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Dwight
That's exactly the point. You've hit a slump. It happens to the best of us. You just have to remember, you know-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5211
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5212
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Dwight
Where you come from, and who you are.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5213
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Michael
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5214
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Dwight
You know, you have worked so hard for this. You are the boss; you can buy and sell us with just a snap of your little finger.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5215
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Michael
Ok yes, I would never do that.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5216
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Jim
Yeah, no one can snap with their little finger.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5217
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Michael
Ha.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5218
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Dwight
Jim, this is hardly the time.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5219
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Michael
No, this is completely the time, this is perfect time. This is just guys gently ribbing each other, it's what it's all about, just hangin' out. Enjoying friends, all being the same. Worker bees.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5220
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Dwight
And their king bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5221
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Michael
No, just bees, just bees hanging out, buzzing around.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5222
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Dwight
Master bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5223
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Michael
I'm not a master bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5224
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Dwight
Queen bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5225
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Michael
I'm just a bee, Dwight, ok, just a bee, just buzzin'.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5226
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Pam
Hi!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5227
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Roy
Hey babe. Hey, how are you!?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5228
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Pam
Good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5229
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Roy
You look good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5230
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5231
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Roy
Hey, um, I was wondering if it'd be ok if I go to Lonny's poker game tonight. I promise, it'll be like the last time for a while.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5232
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Pam
We were supposed to go to the barbeque at Jim's house.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5233
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Roy
Oh, man. Um, could you go without me? Make something up, say I like, ate something, or...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5234
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Pam
Uhh...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5235
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Roy
Huh, huh? You're the best. You're the best!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5236
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Pam
I might be late.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5237
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Roy
Ok, don't wake me up cause I'm playing ball in the morning.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5238
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Pam
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5239
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Roy
Alright, bye.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5240
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Pam
Did I miss anything?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5241
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Michael
Five o'clock. Time to go get my improv on. Little bit of the comedy juice. Mmm. Alright, see if you can guess what this is. That is a dinosaur getting ready to go to improv class. Just a taste of the improv.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5242
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Michael
I need to know... who shot Johnson!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5243
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Mary-Beth
Uh, President Johnson. Um-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5244
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Michael
Shut up!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5245
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Mary-Beth
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5246
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Michael
I have a right mind to shoot you right in the head.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5247
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Mary-Beth
I, I killed him. You're right! It was me!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5248
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Michael
Just shut up! I don't wanna hear anything more from you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5249
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Improv Teacher
No, listen to what she's saying.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5250
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Mary-Beth
Alright, I'll be quiet if we can make some kind of deal. A deal?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5251
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Michael
Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! No deal. Not with Michael Scarn, FBI. Michael Scarn doesn't make deals. Michael Scarn shoots and then asks questions later.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5252
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Improv Teacher
Good, good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5253
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Michael
She was kind of tripping me up, cause she was, um, I was trying to get something going, when I was over her with the gun, and she like kept changing the story.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5254
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Mary-Beth
I don't think... he was saying-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5255
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Michael
Well, you kept-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5256
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Mary-Beth
He kept saying 'shut up'-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5257
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Michael
Going into nuclear something; that's not where the scene was going.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5258
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Mary-Beth
I-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5259
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Bill
It goes wherever.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5260
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Michael
Well, it goes, it goes in the best direction, and that was not the best direction.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5261
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Mary-Beth
I felt like he was ordering me around, cause he-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5262
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Michael
Well, he, Michael Scarn, that character, orders people around, and that's, you should of just gone-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5263
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Improv Teacher
All your characters order people around though, and-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5264
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Michael
Well...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5265
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Improv Teacher
There's stronger choices.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5266
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Michael
I don't think there's any stronger choice than being a really strong character.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5267
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Mary-Beth
We've seen you do that character before though. I mean, you know, that's cool.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5268
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Michael
Well, it's, like, well, it's, you know, when refine it, refine a character down to its essence, that's...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5269
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Mary-Beth
Like Jim Carrey or something.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5270
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Michael
Exactly, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5271
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Mary-Beth
Right, well I wasn't saying that-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5272
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Michael
I appreciate that.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5273
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Mary-Beth
Nah, I know, I just meant that... he shot me, I just-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5274
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Michael
Or Ryan Stiles, something like that.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5275
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Mary-Beth
Yeah, ya know maybe, he made me get on the ground, and I didn't feel safe in this game.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5276
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Michael
You shouldn't have been, 'cause you were dealing with Michael Scarn. That was exactly what I was hoping to achieve, so that is probably the best thing you could have said, that's a compliment.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5277
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Improv Teacher
You succeeded.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5278
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Michael
Good work.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5279
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Mary-Beth
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5280
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Jim
And in this room here, if you look closely, you will find out a few clues about who lives here. Um, he likes biking, obviously, and uh, what else? Uh, he likes tour guides, I guess. And if you're very perceptive, you'll notice that he didn't do a great job of cleaning his room. Ok, and uh, that's the tou-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5281
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Ryan
And he's really into penguins or something?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5282
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Jim
Um, thank you, Ryan, uh, I don't know, I think I made the mistake one day of telling someone that I like penguins, and here we are.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5283
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Phyllis
Oh, I'm sorry. I gave you a penguin.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5284
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Jim
And that's why it's on my desk, Phyllis; it means a lot to me, and now that I know it was from you, it means even more. Moving on! Uh, ok, so that's the end of the tour for now, and if you liked it please tell your friends: 'Whenever you're in Scranton, visit Casa de la Halpert'.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5285
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Improv Teacher
Ok, for the next exercise, let's everyone pair up.And everyone got somebody? Ok, good. Uh, ok, uh, why don't you go out in the hallway and go through all the rules in your head. Ok, you take a break and sort of run through the rules in your head. Ok, stay there.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5286
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Michael
I'll just throw out some suggestions.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5287
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Improv Teacher
Ok, you guys wanna start? Don't throw out any-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5288
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Michael
They're in a whorehouse.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5289
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Improv Teacher
Suggestions.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5290
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Michael
And he's a proctologist. What?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5291
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Improv Teacher
We don't need a suggestion for this one; it's gonna come from them. It's a game called 'Yes, and?' and uh, you will say the first sentence. And uh, you're telling a story-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5292
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Michael
First sentence is: 'I'm a proctologist'.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5293
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Improv Teacher
We're not gonna get a suggestion for this one, it's gonna come from them. Ok, you're gonna say the first sentence and then she will say yes to that and then she'll add something to the story, like you're telling a story. Oh yeah, what was he doing? Ok, why don't you take a break? Since you don't have a partner.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5294
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Michael
Alright, I'm ready here.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5295
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Improv Teacher
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5296
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Kevin
Why don't you turn it up? Uh! Not so fast... Fire Guy. Think we need some more heat, Fire Guy? Hey, Fire Guy, maybe we should burn Jim's house down.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5297