Every line from The Office season 2, episode 9, in script order. First aired November 22, 2005.
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Jim
Oh?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5198
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Michael
Jim. Lots of e-mails to Amazon, lots of wasted computer space. Alright, let's get back to work.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5199
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Toby
Yeah, I assumed Michael was already doing this. That's why I only use my personal e-mail account.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5200
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Michael
Ooo, bleh bleh bleh.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5201
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Dwight
Where's your tie?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5202
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Michael
I don't know. Just felt like taking it off. Man, work can be just so damn frustrating don't ya think, Jim?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5203
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Jim
Uh, yeah, I guess.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5204
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Dwight
What's going on, Michael. Talk to me.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5205
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Michael
I don't know, same old stuff. Same old. Boss just been ridin' my ass.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5206
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Dwight
Oh no! Jan!? What's goin' on?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5207
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Michael
I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna hang out, just be one of the guys.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5208
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Dwight
The most important one of the guys.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5209
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Michael
That's not the point.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5210
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Dwight
That's exactly the point. You've hit a slump. It happens to the best of us. You just have to remember, you know-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5211
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5212
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Dwight
Where you come from, and who you are.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5213
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Michael
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5214
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Dwight
You know, you have worked so hard for this. You are the boss; you can buy and sell us with just a snap of your little finger.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5215
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Michael
Ok yes, I would never do that.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5216
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Jim
Yeah, no one can snap with their little finger.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5217
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Michael
Ha.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5218
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Dwight
Jim, this is hardly the time.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5219
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Michael
No, this is completely the time, this is perfect time. This is just guys gently ribbing each other, it's what it's all about, just hangin' out. Enjoying friends, all being the same. Worker bees.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5220
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Dwight
And their king bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5221
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Michael
No, just bees, just bees hanging out, buzzing around.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5222
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Dwight
Master bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5223
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Michael
I'm not a master bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5224
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Dwight
Queen bee.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5225
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Michael
I'm just a bee, Dwight, ok, just a bee, just buzzin'.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5226
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Pam
Hi!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5227
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Roy
Hey babe. Hey, how are you!?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5228
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Pam
Good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5229
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Roy
You look good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5230
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Pam
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5231
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Roy
Hey, um, I was wondering if it'd be ok if I go to Lonny's poker game tonight. I promise, it'll be like the last time for a while.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5232
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Pam
We were supposed to go to the barbeque at Jim's house.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5233
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Roy
Oh, man. Um, could you go without me? Make something up, say I like, ate something, or...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5234
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Pam
Uhh...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5235
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Roy
Huh, huh? You're the best. You're the best!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5236
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Pam
I might be late.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5237
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Roy
Ok, don't wake me up cause I'm playing ball in the morning.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5238
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Pam
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5239
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Roy
Alright, bye.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5240
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Pam
Did I miss anything?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5241
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Michael
Five o'clock. Time to go get my improv on. Little bit of the comedy juice. Mmm. Alright, see if you can guess what this is. That is a dinosaur getting ready to go to improv class. Just a taste of the improv.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5242
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Michael
I need to know... who shot Johnson!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5243
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Mary-Beth
Uh, President Johnson. Um-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5244
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Michael
Shut up!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5245
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Mary-Beth
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5246
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Michael
I have a right mind to shoot you right in the head.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5247
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Mary-Beth
I, I killed him. You're right! It was me!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5248
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Michael
Just shut up! I don't wanna hear anything more from you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5249
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Improv Teacher
No, listen to what she's saying.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5250
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Mary-Beth
Alright, I'll be quiet if we can make some kind of deal. A deal?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5251
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Michael
Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! No deal. Not with Michael Scarn, FBI. Michael Scarn doesn't make deals. Michael Scarn shoots and then asks questions later.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5252
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Improv Teacher
Good, good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5253
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Michael
She was kind of tripping me up, cause she was, um, I was trying to get something going, when I was over her with the gun, and she like kept changing the story.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5254
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Mary-Beth
I don't think... he was saying-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5255
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Michael
Well, you kept-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5256
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Mary-Beth
He kept saying 'shut up'-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5257
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Michael
Going into nuclear something; that's not where the scene was going.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5258
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Mary-Beth
I-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5259
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Bill
It goes wherever.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5260
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Michael
Well, it goes, it goes in the best direction, and that was not the best direction.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5261
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Mary-Beth
I felt like he was ordering me around, cause he-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5262
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Michael
Well, he, Michael Scarn, that character, orders people around, and that's, you should of just gone-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5263
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Improv Teacher
All your characters order people around though, and-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5264
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Michael
Well...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5265
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Improv Teacher
There's stronger choices.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5266
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Michael
I don't think there's any stronger choice than being a really strong character.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5267
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Mary-Beth
We've seen you do that character before though. I mean, you know, that's cool.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5268
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Michael
Well, it's, like, well, it's, you know, when refine it, refine a character down to its essence, that's...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5269
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Mary-Beth
Like Jim Carrey or something.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5270
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Michael
Exactly, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5271
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Mary-Beth
Right, well I wasn't saying that-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5272
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Michael
I appreciate that.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5273
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Mary-Beth
Nah, I know, I just meant that... he shot me, I just-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5274
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Michael
Or Ryan Stiles, something like that.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5275
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Mary-Beth
Yeah, ya know maybe, he made me get on the ground, and I didn't feel safe in this game.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5276
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Michael
You shouldn't have been, 'cause you were dealing with Michael Scarn. That was exactly what I was hoping to achieve, so that is probably the best thing you could have said, that's a compliment.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5277
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Improv Teacher
You succeeded.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5278
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Michael
Good work.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5279
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Mary-Beth
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5280
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Jim
And in this room here, if you look closely, you will find out a few clues about who lives here. Um, he likes biking, obviously, and uh, what else? Uh, he likes tour guides, I guess. And if you're very perceptive, you'll notice that he didn't do a great job of cleaning his room. Ok, and uh, that's the tou-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5281
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Ryan
And he's really into penguins or something?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5282
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Jim
Um, thank you, Ryan, uh, I don't know, I think I made the mistake one day of telling someone that I like penguins, and here we are.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5283
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Phyllis
Oh, I'm sorry. I gave you a penguin.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5284
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Jim
And that's why it's on my desk, Phyllis; it means a lot to me, and now that I know it was from you, it means even more. Moving on! Uh, ok, so that's the end of the tour for now, and if you liked it please tell your friends: 'Whenever you're in Scranton, visit Casa de la Halpert'.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5285
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Improv Teacher
Ok, for the next exercise, let's everyone pair up.And everyone got somebody? Ok, good. Uh, ok, uh, why don't you go out in the hallway and go through all the rules in your head. Ok, you take a break and sort of run through the rules in your head. Ok, stay there.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5286
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Michael
I'll just throw out some suggestions.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5287
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Improv Teacher
Ok, you guys wanna start? Don't throw out any-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5288
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Michael
They're in a whorehouse.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5289
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Improv Teacher
Suggestions.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5290
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Michael
And he's a proctologist. What?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5291
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Improv Teacher
We don't need a suggestion for this one; it's gonna come from them. It's a game called 'Yes, and?' and uh, you will say the first sentence. And uh, you're telling a story-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5292
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Michael
First sentence is: 'I'm a proctologist'.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5293
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Improv Teacher
We're not gonna get a suggestion for this one, it's gonna come from them. Ok, you're gonna say the first sentence and then she will say yes to that and then she'll add something to the story, like you're telling a story. Oh yeah, what was he doing? Ok, why don't you take a break? Since you don't have a partner.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5294
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Michael
Alright, I'm ready here.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5295
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Improv Teacher
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5296
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Kevin
Why don't you turn it up? Uh! Not so fast... Fire Guy. Think we need some more heat, Fire Guy? Hey, Fire Guy, maybe we should burn Jim's house down.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5297