Every line from The Office season 2, episode 9, in script order. First aired November 22, 2005.
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Michael
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5098
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Improv Teacher
Just, I want you to get rid of all your guns and give them to me. Great.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5099
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Michael
Yehhhehh.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5100
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Improv Teacher
Yeeehh, ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5101
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Pam
Jim's bedroom.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5102
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Jim
See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour. It's-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5103
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Pam
Cool... This is your desk.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5104
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Jim
This is my desk.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5105
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Pam
Your home office?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5106
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Jim
My home office, this is it.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5107
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Pam
Down. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5108
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Jim
Ok, sure. Will do.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5109
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Pam
Ok, wait, so that would make me like right here.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5110
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Jim
Yeah, that... Yep, that feels about right.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5111
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Pam
And Dwight would be like-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5112
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Jim
You know what? Let's just leave that image out of it, because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5113
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Pam
Umm, yearbook!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5114
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Jim
Yeah, you don't have to, ummm. Alright, yes, that's not gonna be awkward at all.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5115
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Pam
Ooooohhh no!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5116
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Jim
Oh yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5117
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Pam
You were so dorky!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5118
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5119
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Improv Teacher
Freeze!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5120
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Michael
I'm in.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5121
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Improv Teacher
You wanna go over the rules one more time?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5122
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Michael
No, no, no. I'm looking in my wallet for money so you can tell me my fortune.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5123
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Bill
I promise it's worthit . Ooo, I can see you walking out of here and you're thrilled with your reading.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5124
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Michael
What are you...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5125
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Improv Teacher
Michael, what did you tell him?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5126
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Michael
Nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5127
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Improv Teacher
Then why are his hands up? Bill?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5128
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Bill
He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5129
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Improv Teacher
Ok, let's call it a day. Nice job, Bill.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5130
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Michael
Good, it's good. Good work, everybody.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5131
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Jim
Angela, burger? Dog? Havin' fun?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5132
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Angela
I got sap on me.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5133
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Jim
Chicken, hot dog, burger.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5134
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Angela
I'm a vegetarian.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5135
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Jim
There is soda inside.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5136
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Angela
Guh.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5137
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Stanley
I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5138
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Oscar
Yeah, it surprised us all. I'll tell you why. Because when they---
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5139
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Kelly
I'm sorry guys; can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5140
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Angela
I think it's alright. Jesus drank wine.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5141
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Pam
Hey Phyllis, come here for a second.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5142
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Phyllis
Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5143
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Pam
Have you heard anything about any secret office romances?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5144
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Phyllis
You tell me. Well, you do mean you and Jim right? Oh God. I am so sorry, I thought, you guys hang out all the time and you're talking all the time. I'm sorry!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5145
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Pam
That's ok. It's ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5146
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Kevin
Not so fast... Fire Guy.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5147
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Mary-Beth
How do I get to Bernie's Tavern from here?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5148
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Bill
Oh, don't worry. We're all gonna carpool.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5149
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Michael
So Bernie's, huh? We're all going to Bernie's? Go to Bernie's?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5150
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Bill
Oh sorry, we're not going as a group, it's just a private friend who just happens to know all of us from different ways is throwing a private birthday thing.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5151
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Michael
Right, right, right. Well guys, I'd love to go to Bernie's with you, but, you know, I have an office party. A big office party I need to go to, so... Can't get out of it.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5152
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Bill
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5153
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Michael
Ok, see you later. Nice job, Bill. Not.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5154
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Phyllis
Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5155
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Jim
Oh by the way how's your side project going?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5156
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Pam
Oh, yeah I gave that up.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5157
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Jim
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5158
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Pam
Yeah, it turns out I was, um, just grasping at straws.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5159
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Pam
Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn't mean that they're together, you know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair to think that there was anything else going on.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5160
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Kevin
Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5161
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Dwight
Surprise! Everybody!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5162
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Phyllis
Dwight...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5163
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Michael
Wow! Who opened the morgue for this thing? I'm just driving by, thought I'd drop in. There's some wine. I would love a glass, if you're gonna open it. Here ya go Temp, take my jacket! Oh, come on! That guy? He is a good guy, not a terrorist. Karaoke, I love it! I am a karaoke fiend. I call dibs. I got next, I got next up. Come on, let's get this party started, ha! Ok? Where's that wine?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5164
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Michael
Ok, yeah, this is a duet, so, need somebody else, Pam? You wanna come up and sing this one? Need somebody else. Takers, please. Baby when I met you there was peace unknown. Kelly? Tried to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside, there was something goin' on. This part goes to the, uh, girl. You do something to me that I can't explain. Hold me closer and I feel no pain. In every beat of my heart, we got something goin' on. Tender love is blind---
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5165
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Michael and Jim
It requires a dedication, all this love we feel needs no conversation. Divided, together, uh huh. Making love with each other, uh huh.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5166
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Michael
We're making love!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5167
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Michael and Jim
Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between, how can we be wrong? Sail away with me...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5168
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Michael
Talk! Just talk!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5169
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Mary-Beth
I am-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5170
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Michael
Shut up!
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5171
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Michael
Funny story: the way that I got into improv was, I got into improv. The story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street, and a race car pulls up, and the guy says 'Hey you're funny, you're the funniest guy I've ever seen, or my name is not Dale Earnhardt.' And that was an improv. Um, the real way is that I found a flyer.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5172
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Angela
You're going to have to stop that. I can still feel it.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5173
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Sadiq (IT guy)
Do you have a question or something?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5174
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Michael
Um...
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5175
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Sadiq (IT guy)
About my turban, maybe?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5176
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Michael
Nope, nope. I actually wear a turban sometimes. Wanna see it?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5177
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Sadiq (IT guy)
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5178
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Michael
Got it right here.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5179
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Sadiq (IT guy)
Why do you have that?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5180
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Michael
Comedy; it's funny. It's Johnny Carson, Karnak. It's, um, put it back. Huhhhh, did you have Johnny Carson in your land?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5181
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Sadiq (IT guy)
In Pittsburgh? Yeah, but I never really watched him.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5182
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Michael
Oh. You were forbidden.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5183
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Sadiq (IT guy)
No, I'm much younger than you. I watched Conan.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5184
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Michael
Alright, I'm gonna, uhh, get a cup of coffee. Do you want some coffee er-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5185
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Sadiq (IT guy)
No.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5186
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Michael
Or some tea or hummus or something?
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5187
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Sadiq (IT guy)
No, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5188
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Phyllis
Oh, this isn't good.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5189
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Stanley
It's fine.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5190
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Phyllis
You don't even know what I'm talking about.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5191
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Michael
Should have done this a long time ago. Tons of personal e-mails, huge time wasters. Uh, uh huh. Wow, like Kevin, rating the best bars in Scranton? Poor Richard's number seven? Idiot. Stupid load. Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5192
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Pam
Hey, Michael, accounting needs your approval on-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5193
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Michael
Yeah, I'm busy right now.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5194
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Michael
Here's a helpful suggestion for Jim. Jim, instead of e-mailing Amazon, to try and get that CD that you didn't receive, I suggest that you go to Visa and tell them to cancel the charge.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5195
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Jim
Yeah, definitely didn't need help with that, but, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5196
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Michael
It's seems like ya did though-
Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5197