Every line from The Office season 2, episode 5, in script order. First aired October 18, 2005.
-
Pam
What happened?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3707
-
Jim
It wasn't me.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3708
-
Pam
Oh. That was like crazy. 'Cause I was...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3709
-
Jim
Yeah, I know.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3710
-
Michael
Uh, hey... Creed?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3711
-
Creed
Huh?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3712
-
Michael
Could I talk to you for a second?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3713
-
Michael
You are great. Very ambitious. And I feel like you want more than this little office has to offer. And I understand that you'd wanna just spread your wings, and fly the coop.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3714
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Creed
What are you telling me?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3715
-
Michael
I... we're gonna have to... You... you want something better.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3716
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Creed
No, I don't. I wanna stay right here.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3717
-
Michael
No, you wanna leave.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3718
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Creed
No, I wanna stay here.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3719
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Michael
Why... why are you making this so hard?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3720
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Creed
Um, I think there's a misunderstanding, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3721
-
Michael
I think you're right.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3722
-
Creed
Can I go?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3723
-
Michael
No, of course you can't go. We haven't even started this horrible process of... okay, Creed. I need to let somebody go today. They told me I need to let somebody go. And as much as I think you're a great guy, and I like you, you're... you're, goodbye.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3724
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Creed
Let's fight it.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3725
-
Michael
Hmm?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3726
-
Creed
Let's call Jan and fight this thing together like the old days.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3727
-
Michael
What old days? What are you talking about?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3728
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Creed
Did you start the paperwork yet?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3729
-
Michael
It's right here on the desk, yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3730
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Creed
You don't have to do this, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3731
-
Michael
I can't, I can't...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3732
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Creed
Undo it!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3733
-
Michael
I can't change anything. This is the way...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3734
-
Creed
No, you have the power to undo it.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3735
-
Michael
I don't... okay, just listen.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3736
-
Creed
Michael, undo it!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3737
-
Michael
Don't...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3738
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Michael
Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3739
-
Michael
I have to fire someone today, okay?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3740
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Creed
Fine. Fire someone else. Fire Devon. He's terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3741
-
Michael
Okay, well... I already picked you. And you know that. So, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3742
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Creed
No, no, no, no, no, no. I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're they guy who gave me my life back. Thank you. I knew you'd see it my way Michael. God Bless you. You're a fine man.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3743
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Michael
Don't...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3744
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Creed
Listen, you will not regret this either. Devon is terrible; No one's gonna miss him. Good, good, good.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3745
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Michael
Devon, could I talk to you for a sec?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3746
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Devon
Creed's an idiot, you know that.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3747
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Michael
Well, he...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3748
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Devon
No, no, no, no, no, no! You had it right the first time.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3749
-
Michael
Well, maybe I did.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3750
-
Devon
Exactly. You gotta go with your gut, man.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3751
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Michael
Huh. No! I can't, no. I can't go back. I would look like an idiot.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3752
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Devon
That's why I'm being fired?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3753
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Michael
No.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3754
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Devon
So you might not look like an idiot?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3755
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Michael
No. It was all the stuff that I said. It was the business downturn, the cutbacks, and, and...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3756
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Devon
This is unbelievable!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3757
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Michael
I just hope that you and I can remain friends.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3758
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Michael
Devon, wait, please.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3759
-
Devon
What!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3760
-
Michael
Look, look. In addition to severance, and everything, I want to give you this gift certificate to Chili's. From me. Okay? No hard feelings.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3761
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Devon
Kevin, Jim, Pam, Kelly, Toby, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, or the temp. If any of you wanna meet me for a drink, I'm going to be at Poor Richard's. And the rest of you can go to hell!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3762
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Angela
What about the Halloween party?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3763
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Pam
Oh, hey, Jim. Wait, stop. Um, I'm sorry... for pushing you towards Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3764
-
Jim
Come on.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3765
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Jim
That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. Who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3766
-
Michael
I love Halloween. You know, it's just, it's just fun. Every year, it's just fun. Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical. People got a... a big kick out of it. The year before that, I came as Monica Lewinsky, and I wore a stained dress. The year before that, I also came as Monica Lewinsky. And before that, I was O.J. It was pretty funny. Oh, I wish you were here last year.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3767
-
Children
Trick or treat!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3768
-
Michael
He... Hey, hey, hey, hey! How you doing? Wow! You guys looks great.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3769
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Kid
I'm a bumble bee.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3770
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Michael
You look great! And you're a princess?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3771
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Kid
A fairy princess.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3772
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Michael
A fairy princess. You're very... .
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3773
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Kid
I'm a lion.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3774
-
Michael
You're a lion. Wow, I want to hear your, your... Oh! Oh, okay, that's all yours. That's all yours. Grab it, grab it. You know what? You guys are getting all of these.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3775
-
Michael
Hey, you. Big Jim. And Phyllis. Working hard, Phyllis?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3776
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Phyllis
Mmm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3777
-
Michael
Of course. You're always working hard.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3778
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Phyllis
Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3779
-
Michael
Keep it up. And there's Stanley. No costume? Well, no, not trying to fit in. I wish I had your confidence, I really do.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3780
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Stanley
Something wrong, Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3781
-
Michael
No, no. What could possibly be wrong? Everything's great. Just keep living your lives. Everything's gonna be fine. You are all such wonderful, innocent people.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3782
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Toby
Hey, Jim.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3783
-
Jim
What's up, Hef?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3784
-
Toby
Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3785
-
Michael
What? What?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3786
-
Toby
Michael, do you have the name of the employee you're letting go? I'd like to start working on out-placement.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3787
-
Michael
Fine. If you are so anxious to see a head roll, it's you. There. You brought it on yourself. Too bad. Can't say that I'm sorry. It's a relief.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3788
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Toby
I don't report to you, Michael. I report to the head of HR in New York.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3789
-
Michael
You asked for a name, I gave you a name. Now you're not doing your job. Why don't you just resign?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3790
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Toby
They would just send someone else. You need to have an HR representative.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3791
-
Michael
Just know that if I could have fired you, I would have.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3792
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Toby
I know, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3793
-
Michael
I'm going to have to do this Sopranos-style. Just whack him. Guys, could you take the freight elevator, please?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3794
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Vance Refrigeration Worker #1
Hey, you wanna see a really messy show? Follow us around. Come to our office.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3795
-
Michael
You know what? That's my foot.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3796
-
Vance Refrigeration Worker #2
Ass, ass, ass...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3797
-
Michael
You guys...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3798
-
Vance Refrigeration Worker #2
...ass, ass, ass, ass, ass...
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3799
-
Vance Refrigeration Worker #1
Hi, Mom!
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3800
-
Michael
I will handle it in the best way possible, but in case he or she goes postal, you will be available to subdue. Am I correct?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3801
-
Hank Doyle
Who is it?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3802
-
Michael
I don't know. Hey, are you on our payroll or are you employed by the building?
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3803
-
Hank Doyle
Building.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3804
-
Michael
Oh, shoot. Okay, well, just have your pepper spray ready.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3805
-
Hank Doyle
You're on your own.
Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3806