Kevin

So, uh... you found a band for your wedding yet?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8773

Pam

No.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8774

Kevin

Cause I'm in a band. We really rock.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8775

Jim

Yeah, I mean it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8776

Phyllis

Oh I got the 'Save The Date'.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8777

Pam

Yeah?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8778

Phyllis

Yeah, pretty stationery.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8779

Pam

Oh, thanks!

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8780

Angela

I didn't get mine yet.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8781

Pam

Uh...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8782

Pam

There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but ... it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8783

Michael

Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8784

Phyllis

Uh, on or off?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8785

I.D. Photographer

Off.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8786

Phyllis

Okay...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8787

Dwight

Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8788

Phyllis

Excuse me.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8789

Dwight

Clown paint.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8790

Dwight

I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8791

Michael

That's a nice tie.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8792

Ryan

Thank you.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8793

Michael

That is... who makes that?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8794

Ryan

Um, I don't...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8795

Michael

Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8796

Ryan

Um... let's um, let's keep our clothes.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8797

Oscar

It's like child abuse. I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! I mean on some levels... it's... and I'm supposed to work there. I'm supposed...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8798

Michael

What's the dealio?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8799

Toby

Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but the photographer's back there today.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8800

Michael

What's the problem?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8801

Oscar

Angela!

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8802

Toby

It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8803

Oscar

Since Christmas.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8804

Michael

So what, you're having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8805

Oscar

No.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8806

Toby

Michael, can I talk to you for a uh, second please?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8807

Michael

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8808

Toby

Here's how I usually handle this: all I do is listen.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8809

Michael

Yeah?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8810

Toby

These things just have a way of working themselves out.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8811

Michael

Okay.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8812

Toby

It's like if you write someone a letter, when you're really angry... they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple days. Then you just never end up sending it.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8813

Michael

What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8814

Toby

Okay.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8815

Michael

Okay... what?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8816

Toby

That was the right decision for me and my marriage.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8817

Michael

Yeah, well... that's not gonna fly here. Because in this office, it is till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized. Uh, Pam, will you get Angela and meet us in the conference room please?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8818

Michael

A mediator's tool chest. Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that are 5 different styles of conflict.My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8819

Angela

Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8820

Michael

No. Okay, this is important. The first style is lose/lose.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8821

Oscar

What's the next one?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8822

Michael

Just hold on, please! Okay, if we do lose/lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You... you would both lose. Now I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose/lose negotiation?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8823

Angela

Can we just skip to whatever number 5 is - win/win or whatever?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8824

Michael

Win/Win is number four and number five is win/win/win. The important difference here is with win/win/win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8825

Michael

Okay, since this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using 'I' emotion language and no judging or 'you' statements.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8826

Angela

I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8827

Michael

Come on, seriously, that?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8828

Oscar

I don't like looking at it. It's creepy, and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore porno. I'm talking about the...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8829

Michael

Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win/win.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8830

Pam

Win!

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8831

Michael

Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8832

Oscar

No.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8833

Angela

That's... no...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8834

Michael

Okay... well, brainstorm. Own the solution.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8835

Angela

How about, I leave it up?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8836

Oscar

How 'bout, she takes it down?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8837

Pam

How about, Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8838

Michael

Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style 3. And it is not ideal. To sum up, win/win - make the poster into a t-shirt, win/lose - take the poster down, compromise - Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is... make the poster into a t-shirt! Win/win.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8839

Pam

Win.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8840

Oscar

Fine.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8841

Angela

But, it...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8842

Michael

It is done!

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8843

Pam

Win

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8844

Photographer

No, you're all good.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8845

Creed

Great.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8846

Pam

Hey, Angela.I didn't have your zip code.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8847

Angela

Oh. Thanks.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8848

Angela

It was hand delivered. But, I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8849

Toby

You solved it?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8850

Michael

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8851

Toby

Well, good. We can, uh, throw that one out.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8852

Michael

Are those all the other complains?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8853

Toby

Mmm-Hm.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8854

Michael

I would like to see those please.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8855

Toby

I... I can't do that.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8856

Michael

You can't do that, huh? Huh, ok. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8857

Toby

That...

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8858

Michael

Okay. There! No more conflict. I had to use win/lose on that. It was not pretty. All right... is that it?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8859

Toby

It's all Dwight's.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8860

Toby

Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8861

Michael

Ohh... God. Alright. Why do I have to do everything?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8862

Photographer

Are you sure?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8863

Dwight

Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8864

Photographer

[shoots twice]

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8865

Michael

This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed... huh. Duh, duh. Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8866

Pam

Nice.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8867

Michael

You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8868

Toby

Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. Thisis January through March of this year.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8869

Michael

How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee? And... did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on? That is outrageous! I love this place... and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering... Okay, today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8870

Angela

You already did me.

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8871

Michael

That's what she said. The thing is, Angela... you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. Toby, by the way, what does 'redacted' mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked 'redacted'... ?

Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8872

"Conflict Resolution" Quotes