Every line from The Office season 2, episode 21, in script order. First aired May 4, 2006.
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Toby
Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8873
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Michael
Oh, ok. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8874
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Dwight
Whoa.. wha... wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8875
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Pam
Um... let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8876
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Michael
All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it! And... okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8877
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Pam
Wait, what did it say?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8878
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Michael
Uh...'Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Couldn't she do that at home?' Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8879
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Pam
I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to her... and I haven't told anyone. And what the hell?!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8880
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Michael
Here is a Kelly complaint: 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Ugh, join the club.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8881
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Ryan
My voicemail's really spotty... sometimes...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8882
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Kelly
I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8883
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Toby
To your HR representative.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8884
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Kelly
To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8885
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Toby
Fine, I'll take your name off. So no one will know.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8886
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Michael
Makin' progress. Yes?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8887
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Jim
Dwight tried to kiss me.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8888
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Michael
What?!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8889
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Jim
And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8890
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Dwight
That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8891
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Jim
Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8892
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Dwight
Okay, question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8893
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Toby
Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8894
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Michael
Stanley.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8895
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Pam
Hey. Thanks for ratting me out!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8896
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Michael
You got a lot of anger under there buddy. Come on start us out. Unleash it.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8897
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Anglea
I didn't do it!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8898
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Pam
I find that hard to believe... considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8899
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Michael
Someone complained that the men's room is 'whites only'. Stanley, you know that's not true.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8900
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Stanley
I didn't say that.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8901
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Creed
Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8902
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Michael
Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela's giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8903
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Phyllis
No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8904
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Michael
And... also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8905
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Phyllis
Stanley and I are close, too.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8906
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Stanley
We sit close.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8907
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Michael
Oh... ok.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8908
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Toby
Just take it.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8909
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Pam
I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8910
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Jim
Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8911
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Pam
Don't take her side.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8912
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Jim
Well, what does Roy think about everything?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8913
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Pam
I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8914
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Jim
You mean your thoughts and feelings?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8915
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Pam
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8916
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Jim
Yeah...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8917
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Phyllis
I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8918
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Angela
Yes, that's the problem.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8919
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Phyllis
I guess so...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8920
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Michael
Okay, well... all settled, then.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8921
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Phyllis
I don't like you.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8922
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Michael
OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8923
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Creed
I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8924
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Michael
All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8925
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Kevin
I accept your decision!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8926
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Jim
Hey... you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8927
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Dwight
That doesn't make any sense.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8928
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Jim
Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8929
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Photographer
Smile.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8930
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Dwight
No.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8931
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Dwight
I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8932
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Jim
This came out really well. There you go.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8933
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Dwight
This is humongous. I am not a security threat...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8934
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Jim
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8935
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Dwight
And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8936
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Jim
What did I write?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8937
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Dwight
I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8938
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Toby
Talk to Michael. I gave him the box.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8939
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Dwight
What box?!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8940
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Phyllis
But I didn't report your snoring-
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8941
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Stanley
Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8942
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Michael
Uh. Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8943
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Dwight
Ah... agh... dgh... Ahh! No, no! Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8944
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Michael
Okay! Calm down.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8945
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Dwight
No! You calm down! Who's side is Toby on? Who's side are you on?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8946
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Michael
Hey, hey!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8947
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Dwight
Him or me?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8948
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Michael
Stop.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8949
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Dwight
Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8950
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Michael
Okay...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8951
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Dwight
Either he goes, or I go.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8952
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Michael
Dwight...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8953
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Dwight
You choose!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8954
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Michael
Stop...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8955
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Dwight
One of us is out of here by the end of today!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8956
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Michael
Oh... kay...
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8957
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Dwight
I am not bluffing!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8958
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Michael
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8959
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Dwight
Okay?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8960
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Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8961
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Dwight
Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8962
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Michael
Mm-hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8963
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Dwight
I deserve this. You know I do!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8964
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Michael
You know your I.D. says you're a security threat?
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8965
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Dwight
You have till five.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8966
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Dwight
Oh, look, Jim. There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you, 'cause I'll still be working here. Transfer! Transfer! Everybody! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8967
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Michael
Okay... you two, in the conference room with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out. Cage match!
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8968
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Michael
Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8969
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Michael
Okay, so Dwight, in your own words - 'Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.' 'Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.'
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8970
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Jim
Yes! Five bucks each. And it was totally worth it.
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8971
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Michael
'This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer.' 'Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.' Gah. 'This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone.'
Season 2 · Episode 21 · Line 8972