Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 19, in script order. First aired March 30, 2006.
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Dwight
Listen up everyone! It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal, so... huh?! Right, have a seat. Please.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8303
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Michael
Ohhh, God.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8304
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Dwight
There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8305
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Michael
Ohhh, no.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8306
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Dwight
So come help me celebrate Michael's birth moment. Kevin!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8307
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Oscar
...I'll do it.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8308
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Michael
Ohh, no, no, no! I can't... Ryan, come on. Let's do this.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8309
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Dwight
Creed! Come on. Stanley!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8310
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Pam
...I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8311
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Jim
Maybe, but... we're gonna need somebody to create a diversion, and...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8312
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Dwight
On three, we're going to hoist away! Ready?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8313
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Michael
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8314
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Dwight
Happy birth moment, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8315
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Michael
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8316
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Dwight
One. Two. Three!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8317
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Michael
Whoa whoa! Alright. Alright. Watch it... please.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8318
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Dwight
Oscar...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8319
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Oscar
It wasn't me.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8320
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Dwight
Okay, that is
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8321
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Delivery Boy
Uh, we don't make an eight foot sub. This is eight one foot subs.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8322
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Dwight
F. Alright, what's the damage?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8323
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Delivery Boy
Uh, thirty-nine sixty.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8324
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Dwight
Thirty nine... sixty.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8325
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Dwight
Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8326
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Dwight
Here they come.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8327
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Michael
Get in here... everybody.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8328
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Dwight
Come and get it!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8329
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Michael
Birthday party subs! My gift to you.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8330
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Oscar
What is this?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8331
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Dwight
Uh, bologna, tomato and ketchup.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8332
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Michael
The best.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8333
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Stanley
These are all the same?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8334
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Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8335
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Angela
Bologna? I don't eat bologna.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8336
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Michael
Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. Still good.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8337
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Angela
No.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8338
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Michael
Just the bread, it's fresh baked.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8339
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Angela
No.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8340
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Michael
Mm-kay. Get whatever you want. And choke on it.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8341
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Michael
When I was sixteen, I was supposed to go out on a date with a girl named Julie. But there was another Michael in the class that she apparently thought the date was with, so she went out with him, on my birthday. And, she got him a cake, at the restaurant. And it wasn't even his birthday, but I heard about it the next day in school. So...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8342
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Jim
So. We got Kev some stuff. Um... a party pack of M&M's, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and, he lent it to Creed, so, I can guarantee you he won't get that back.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8343
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Pam
Sixty-nine cup of noodles.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8344
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Jim
Which we realize sounds crass, but, it... is his favorite number.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8345
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Pam
And his favorite lunch.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8346
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Dwight
Hey temp, you know uh, we still got five feet of sandwich left.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8347
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Ryan
Someone ate three feet of that thing?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8348
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Dwight
Hell, yeah. Save room for ice cream cake.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8349
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Angela
Oh. Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8350
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Dwight
Oh. I got it.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8351
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Angela
What are--- it's... the party planning committee.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8352
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Dwight
This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8353
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Angela
Fine.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8354
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Dwight
What about that meeting... later... to discuss finances?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8355
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Angela
Yes... but don't expect any cookie.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8356
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Dwight
But what if i'm hungry?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8357
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Angela
[whispering]
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8358
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Jim
...What?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8359
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Pam
You use fabric softener?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8360
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Jim
Yeah, you don't?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8361
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Pam
No, I do.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8362
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Jim
...Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8363
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Office Staff
Happy birthday dear Michael, Happy birthday... ...tooo youuuu.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8364
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Kevin
Hello? Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8365
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Michael
Kevin? Respect the birthday please.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8366
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Kevin
No, um, no not yet. I will. Bye. It was just Stacy.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8367
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Michael
Are you done? ...Good. Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8368
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Dwight
Here we go. Make a wish.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8369
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Michael
Uhhh... blow out the candle. Okay. Mmmm...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8370
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Dwight
Yaoo yay!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8371
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Michael
... I asked for trick candles.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8372
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Dwight
Pam was supposed to get 'em.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8373
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Michael
Okay. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again. Hello, what about the birthday boy? Haven't had a hug all day.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8374
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Angela
No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8375
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Michael
... Aww, that... sucks, great. ... Wow, that's good timing. That's... that's, sorry, that's terrible. Terrible news. That's terrible... terrible news for both of us.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8376
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Pam
We should probably head back.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8377
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Jim
Yeah. Okay. Oh. I dare you to make an announcement.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8378
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Pam
You dare me? How old are you?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8379
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Jim
Just... quit stalling.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8380
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Pam
Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8381
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Jim
Such a dork.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8382
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Pam
Jim Halpert? Price check on fabric softener, the kind that gives you...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8383
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Store Employee
Ma'am? Please don't touch that. That is not a toy.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8384
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Pam
Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8385
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Jim
How old are you?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8386
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Pam
I hate you.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8387
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Toby
Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is s... just... it's terrible.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8388
-
Michael
There you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that 98% of people with skin cancer fully recover.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8389
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Kevin
Still scary.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8390
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Michael
Yeah, but it's not brain cancer. And it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8391
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Kevin
Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dicarbazine.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8392
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Michael
And laughter... also.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8393
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Toby
I don't really think people are in the laughing mood.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8394
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Michael
Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8395
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Toby
I work here.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8396
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Michael
Nyeh, I work here. Alright, well, you know what, since Toby doesn't speak for everybody and I am your boss, I... think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8397
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Kevin
If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8398
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Michael
Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8399
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Dwight
Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8400
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Jim
Well that's an invasion of privacy, so, I'm going to tell Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8401
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Dwight
Please, don't.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8402