Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 19, in script order. First aired March 30, 2006.
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Michael
So, Phil recruited me to sell these cards, and now I am recruiting you.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8203
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Oscar
Who is this guy again?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8204
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Michael
Don't worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. Okay. Calling cards are... the wave of the future. These things sell themselves.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8205
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Ryan
Who uses calling cards anymore?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8206
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Michael
You know what? That's a nice attitude, Ryan, I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8207
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Oscar
This sounds like a get rich quick scheme.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8208
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Michael
Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8209
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Toby
Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8210
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Michael
You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay? ...Alright, so, raise your hand if you wanna get rich. Alright.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8211
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Jim
No, um. How is this not a pyramid scheme?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8212
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Michael
Alright, let me explain. Again. Phil has recruited me and another guy. Now, we are getting three people each. The more people that get involved, the more who are investing, the more money we're all going to make. It's not a pyramid scheme, it is a... it's not even a scheme per se, it's... ... I have to go make a call.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8213
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Pam
Happy birthday Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8214
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Michael
Oh ho ho! What?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8215
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Pam
I said happy birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8216
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Michael
Thank you! That's really nice.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8217
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Michael
Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it. I don't know why. Oh! Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8218
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Michael
What's up?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8219
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Jim
Hey. ...Oh, happy birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8220
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Michael
Ah, thank you sir.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8221
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Meredith
Did you hear anything yet?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8222
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Kevin
No. I'm still waiting.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8223
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8224
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Dwight
Yes. There he is, the birthday boy!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8225
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Michael
Ohh, god.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8226
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Dwight
Birthday hug!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8227
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Michael
No no no, no, new suit, please.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8228
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Dwight
That suit is amazing.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8229
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Michael
Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually--- no, Bulgaria.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8230
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Dwight
Mmm. Maybe I should get one.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8231
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Michael
Good luck. One of a kind.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8232
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Dwight
Ebay. Hm. Question! May I be in charge of the party planning festivities?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8233
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Michael
Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working twenty-four seven all day yesterday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8234
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Dwight
Excellent. On my part, I did manage to reserve the...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8235
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Michael
Don't! Nope! Please, don't want to spoil it for anybody. Spoil the surprise.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8236
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Dwight
Let's get the party started.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8237
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Michael
Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8238
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Phyllis
When should we bring out the cake, one or one thirty?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8239
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Pam
One's good.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8240
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Angela
One thirty. I'm sorry, are we boring you?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8241
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Dwight
Party planning committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8242
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Phyllis
Where do we get those?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8243
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Dwight
Not my problem. Here is a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8244
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Pam
Michael wants a strippergram?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8245
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Dwight
Yes, but he doesn't want to know when, or whom.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8246
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Angela
No. This is a closed door meeting.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8247
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Michael
Yeah?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8248
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Pam
Michael, I have Jan on the line.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8249
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Michael
Oh, great, put her through.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8250
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Jan
Hello, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8251
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Michael
Hey, you.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8252
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Jan
I'm... returning your call, you said it was urgent.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8253
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Michael
It is urgent, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8254
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Jan
Well, today's not my birthday, so...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8255
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Michael
Really? 'Cause, I thought we had the same birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8256
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Jan
...Happy birthday, Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8257
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Michael
Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8258
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Jan
Am I on camera?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8259
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Michael
Nope. Totally private. You can say whatever is in your heart.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8260
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Michael
...You can take a five, if you want.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8261
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Michael
Somebody brought in donuts for my birthday!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8262
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Stanley
Mmhmm, happy birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8263
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Michael
Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8264
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Jim
Man, I'm so sorry. When do you find out?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8265
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Kevin
They said this afternoon. They're waiting on a second opinion.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8266
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Jim
Oh, okay.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8267
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Kelly
Second opinion on what?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8268
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Kevin
Um, I might have skin cancer.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8269
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Kelly
Oh, no! I was watching Grey's Anatomy, and there was a lifeguard on it, and
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8270
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Jim
Kelly, you know what...
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8271
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Kelly
I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8272
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Toby
Who brought in donuts?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8273
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Michael
Somebody got donuts for my birthday!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8274
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Toby
Happy birthday!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8275
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Michael
You didn't know it was my birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8276
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Toby
I... guess I forgot.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8277
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Michael
Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8278
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Toby
Are you serious?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8279
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Michael
Mmm.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8280
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Oscar
Skin cancer is treatable.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8281
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Kevin
Right.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8282
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Oscar
It's going to be okay.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8283
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Angela
You don't know it's going to be okay. Don't give him false hope. ...It's probably nothing, though.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8284
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Delivery Woman
Hi, delivery for Michael Scott.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8285
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Michael
Here we go. Ohhhkay, this is great! Thank you my friends, she is perfect! Ahhh, Dwight, may I have your chair please? And, um, some singles, if you will! Allllright. Nnnnn-dink! Okay, um, alright. This has arms. Is that gonna be a... is that alright?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8286
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Delivery Woman
Uh... s-sure.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8287
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Michael
Okay. I'm so nervous.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8288
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Pam
I can sign for it.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8289
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Delivery Woman
Oh. Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8290
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Michael
When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids... and... I got a really bad rash from the pony, and all the kids got to ride the pony and I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me... for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out the pony was already in the truck. And around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8291
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Michael
Stop it. Stop! What is that?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8292
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Dwight
It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's you favorite song.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8293
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Michael
Yeah, well, it's on the radio. My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Probably my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8294
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Dwight
I probably care more than she does.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8295
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Michael
You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8296
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Pam
When does he hear?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8297
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Jim
Sometime today.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8298
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Pam
Ohh... poor Kevin.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8299
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Pam
If I knew I had a week to live, I would... probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And... I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. ...It would be a pretty busy week.
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8300
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Dwight
Uh, that's a list price of four dollars and fifty cents. Unfortunately, this item is on back... order... Michael! Michael! Michael Michael Michael! Come here, come here, come here! Come here!
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8301
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Michael
What?
Season 2 · Episode 19 · Quote 8302