Every line from The Office season 2, episode 18, in script order. First aired March 16, 2006.
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Ryan
Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7976
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Dwight
That was Greensleeves. A traditional English Ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. And now, a very special treat... a book my Grandmutter used to read me when I was a kid. This is a very special story, it's called Struwwelpeter, by Heinrich Hoffman from 1864. The great tall tailor always comes to little girls that suck their thumbs--- are you listening, Sasha? Right? And 'ere they dream when he's about, he takes his great sharp scissors out, and then cuts their thumbs clean off!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7977
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Michael
Dwight! Dwight!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7978
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Dwight
There's a photo...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7979
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Michael
What the hell are you reading to them?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7980
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Dwight
These are cautionary tales for kids, my Grandmata used to read these---
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7981
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Michael
Yeah, you know what? No, no no no no. They, no. The kids don't want to hear some wierdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandmother gave you.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7982
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Sasha
What's a Nazi?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7983
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Michael
What's a Nazi?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7984
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Dwight
Nazi was a fascist movement...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7985
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Michael
Don't!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7986
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Dwight
...from the 1930's...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7987
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Michael
Don't! Don't! Don't talk about Nazis in front of--- you know what? They're going to have nightmares, so why don't you just shut it?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7988
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Dwight
I was gonna teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7989
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Michael
Why don't you just leave? Okay?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7990
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Dwight
...Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7991
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Jake
Bye, Mister Poop.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7992
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Michael
Alright. There goes Mister Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7993
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The Kids
I do, I do!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7994
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Michael
Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth, and out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freaking cool.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7995
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Angela
You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7996
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Michael
This is where the magic happens! Right over here, let me show you this. See all these? You know what that is? That's paper. This is where paper comes from. Any questions?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7997
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Melissa
So... you cut the paper and dye it and stuff.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7998
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Michael
No, we don't actually cut the paper. That's a good question. The paper is sent to us cut, and dyed, from a paper manufacturer, and then we sell it to a business for more than we paid for it.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7999
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Abby
That's not fair.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8000
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Michael
Yes it is, well, w-w--you need someone in the middle to facilitate...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8001
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Jake
You're just a middleman.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8002
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Michael
I'm not just a middle... man...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8003
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Melissa
Wait, why doesn't the saw mill just sell paper directly to people?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8004
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Michael
You are describing Office Depot, and they're kind of running us out of business.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8005
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Dwight
We have better service than they do!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8006
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Michael
...There's Creed! Let's take a look at what he's doing, everybody! This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something. Right?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8007
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Creed
That is correct.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8008
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Michael
Say hi to the kids.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8009
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Creed
Hi kids.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8010
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Michael
Yaaaaay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8011
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Creed
Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8012
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Kids
Ewwww!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8013
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Michael
What are you doing? N--stop it! Stop it! Just--no, no, no, no! No! Would you cut it out?! What is your problem?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8014
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Creed
Th-the hair covers it, mostly.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8015
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Michael
No no no, we're not gonna see--- we're not gonna see the four toed... Creed, okay?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8016
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Michael
You know, there's something interesting about me you might want to know. I ... used to be ... the star of a kids show.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8017
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Kids
No way.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8018
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Michael
It's true. I did.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8019
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Melissa
You serious?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8020
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Jake
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8021
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Michael
I am totally serious. There was a show called 'Fundle Bundle' and I was the star.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8022
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Abby
That doesn't sound like a show.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8023
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Melissa
What?!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8024
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Michael
It's true! I can prove it! I can prove it, watch this. Ryan, can you come here a second? I would like you to go to my mother's house in Dickson city, and if she is in the pool, the back kitchen window should be unlocked, I want you to boost yourself up, I want you to go down to the basement. In the basement is a tape labeled 'Fundle Bundle'. I want you to grab it, I want you to get my guitar.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8025
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Ryan
Right. Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8026
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Michael
I want you to get the tambourine. Do you know how to play the tambourine?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8027
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Ryan
Um, I'm already getting the pizzas from Bernetti's, so...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8028
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Melissa
You know, I can go with him.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8029
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Michael
Oka--
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8030
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Ryan
No! I will... go.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8031
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Michael
Okay! Thank you Ryan. Good attitude, hottest in the office.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8032
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Michael
Alright, nowwww... what kind... of pizza do you like?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8033
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Michael
I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives... They're adults, for God's sake.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8034
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Michael
I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8035
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Miss Trudy
...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? Let's have some fun!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8036
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Michael
That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8037
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Dwight
Is that a real fun shooting windmill?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8038
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Michael
Stop! Stop! Stop! Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8039
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Jim
That's pretty funny.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8040
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Michael
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8041
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Edward R. Meow
...Recess! Hey, what's your name?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8042
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Chet
My name's Chet.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8043
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Edward R. Meow
Well hi Chet.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8044
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Oscar
Is that Chet Montgomery?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8045
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Michael
Uhh, I don't know.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8046
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Pam
That is!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8047
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Darryl
Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8048
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Edward R. Meow
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8049
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Chet
I want to be on TV!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8050
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Dwight
And he
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8051
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Michael
Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8052
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Edward R. Meow
Okay, next? So, whats your name?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8053
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Michael
Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8054
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Edward R. Meow
Well what's your favorite subject at school?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8055
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Young Michael
Recess.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8056
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Edward R. Meow
Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8057
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Young Michael
I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8058
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Edward R. Meow
Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8059
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Miss Trudy
Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8060
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Michael
Coulda sworn there was...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8061
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Melissa
Did you get married?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8062
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Michael
...uh, no.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8063
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Abby
Why not?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8064
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Michael
Uh, just never happened.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8065
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Sasha
So, do you have any kids?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8066
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Michael
Uh, nope.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8067
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Jake
Do you have a girlfriend?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8068
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Michael
I do okay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8069
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Melissa
Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8070
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Michael
Yes.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8071
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Jake
Even I have a girlfriend.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8072
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Michael
Okay! Alright, okay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8073
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Sasha
So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8074
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Michael
...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 8075