Every line from The Office season 2, episode 18, in script order. First aired March 16, 2006.
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Pam
I'm looking forward to 'Take Your Daughter to Work' day. I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better. Because I'm getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7876
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Jim
Bribery. Nice.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7877
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Pam
Oh, I have more.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7878
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Michael
Pam. Ms. Beasley if yer nastay! Janet Jackson. Hey! You having a wardrobe malfunction there? Or w---
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7879
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Pam
Oh, Michael. You can't be nasty today. 'Cause of the...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7880
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Michael
... Oh, God is that today?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7881
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Pam
I reminded you last night.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7882
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Michael
Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment. This is like HBO, no limits. Who knows what I'm going to say? Crazy stuff. And it is R rated, it is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in 'Raw,' and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in 'Daddy Daycare.' both great movies, but, still.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7883
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Michael
Well, I'll be in my office.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7884
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Pam
Don't you think you should say something?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7885
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Michael
They're cool.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7886
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Pam
Michael, I think that as the boss you should really---
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7887
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Michael
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and... I... am in charge of this place... ahh, what'll make you... understand... I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7888
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Jim and Dwight
That's Batman.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7889
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Michael
Okay, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7890
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Jim
The ocean.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7891
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Michael
I work with a bunch of nerds.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7892
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Dwight
Mmm... hello tiny one.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7893
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Toby
Come on.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7894
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Dwight
You are the future!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7895
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Kevin
This... is my file cabinet. Uhm... oh. This... is the partition... between my desk... and Angela's.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7896
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Kevin
Abby's my fiancee Stacy's daughter, I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. ...Actually, I'd better go check.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7897
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Stanley
Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7898
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Michael
Oh, yes, hello, how are you? Good to see you. Wow, you've really grown up. You know what? Don't mind me saying so, she is turning into a stone cold fox. Better keep the... frat boys away from her.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7899
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Melissa
I'm in eighth grade.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7900
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Michael
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7901
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Stanley
She's in middle school.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7902
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Michael
Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. An extraordinary time.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7903
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Michael
It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7904
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Michael
They want how many spiral pads?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7905
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Meredith
Um, fif--well, fifty... I... over ordered because they had a back order.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7906
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Michael
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7907
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Meredith
I got permission to bring Jake into work, which is great because he got suspended this week and now I don't have to pay for a sitter.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7908
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Angela
Can you put that down there?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7909
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Kelly
Yep.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7910
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Toby
Okay, tell them what you wanted to say.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7911
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Sasha
Do you need any help?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7912
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Angela
No. Thanks. We'd... have to explain everything, it's probably just easier if we do it ourselves.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7913
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Toby
Alright, I wasn't expecting that. Let's uh... let's go draw.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7914
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Kelly
Oh my God, she is so cute, I want to die. Don't you just love kids, Angela?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7915
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Angela
I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7916
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Kelly
God I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7917
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Ryan
Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun, and, I'm learning that fun for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7918
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Michael
Just compare last year's order to this year's. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. ... Yes. We--yeah, they're very--they're different. Yeah, we can stick with last year's, you're just going to have to supplement it, somehow.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7919
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Pam
Hey, Abby! Do you want to help me shred some old documents? It's actually pretty cool.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7920
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Abby
No thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7921
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Pam
I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7922
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Jim
What are you reading?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7923
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Abby
From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7924
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Jim
Aww, best book?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7925
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Abby
Yeah, but I've read it before.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7926
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Jim
Pfft. So have I. Hey, question. If you had to spend a night in the Met or the Aquarium, which would it be?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7927
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Abby
Definitely the Aquarium.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7928
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Jim
Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. ...You don't want to help me with some of my sales, do you? 'Cause, I'm kind of swamped.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7929
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Abby
Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7930
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Jim
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7931
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Abby
Mmhmm!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7932
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Jim
Yesss. And you're Abby, right?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7933
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Abby
Yeah.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7934
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Jim
I'm Jim. Annnnd... let's sell some paper.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7935
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Abby
Alright.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7936
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Jim
Let's start with... your mom.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7937
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Michael
Yes. Well... we can... uhm... hey, uh, you know what? Can I call you back? I'll call you right back. Yes, I promise. ...Hello, can I help you? ... You can pick that up, if you want. That's--- that's alright. Want to bring it over... here, make some room. My name's Michael. What's your name?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7938
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Sasha
Sasha.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7939
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Michael
Nice to meet you.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7940
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Sasha
Ooh!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7941
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Michael
Oh, you know what that is! That is a train whistle, like I'm the conductor. But I'm sort of the conductor of the office here, right? You want to try?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7942
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Sasha
Sure.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7943
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Michael
All aboard for sales! Next stop, Cu...camonga!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7944
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Jim
Ow, ow, ow, ow, you broke my hand.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7945
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Dwight
There is no way that hurt.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7946
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Jim
Really? 'Cause she's pretty strong, Dwight.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7947
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Dwight
Little girl. Come over here. Shake my hand. Come on, I don't have all day. I don't feel anything. Nothing. You're so weak. Uh, excuse me, these are expensive collector's items, okay?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7948
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Jake
Do you have any computer games?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7949
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Dwight
No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. That would be innappropriate.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7950
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Jake
Yeah, Meredith doesn't have any either. It's so lame here.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7951
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Dwight
You call your mom Meredith? That's very disrespectful.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7952
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Jake
Whatever, okay?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7953
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Dwight
You can refer to me as Mister Schrute.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7954
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Jake
That's your name? Mister Poop?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7955
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Dwight
Schrute. Mister Schrute.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7956
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Jake
Sure, Mister Poop.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7957
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Dwight
... Schrute.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7958
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Sasha
Are you Mother Goose?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7959
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Melissa
I drink like, a hundred Ice Macchiatos a day, and practically nothing else.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7960
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Ryan
Wow.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7961
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Melissa
There's a really cool coffee place, Jitters, at the Steamtown Mall. Ever been there?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7962
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Ryan
No.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7963
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Melissa
You've never been to Jitters? Ryan, you are
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7964
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Ryan
Uhm...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7965
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Melissa
Come on! You have an email address?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7966
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Kelly
...that I thought you should know ...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7967
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Stanley
Mmhmm. What?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7968
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Kelly
I think something a little fishy is going on.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7969
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Stanley
A little fishy?
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7970
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Kelly
Yeah. I mean, I've been noticing them all day, I was thinking that maybe ...
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7971
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Stanley
That little girl is a child! I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand?!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7972
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Ryan
Yes, I--
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7973
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Stanley
Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus could come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child!
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7974
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Ryan
Okay.
Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7975