Every quote from The Office season 2, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 19, 2006.
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Michael
Alright, well, cool. Still deciding?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6500
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Stanley
Hmm?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6501
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Michael
Peach iced tea. You're going to hate it.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6502
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Dwight
Hey Oscar how ya doin'? Dwight Schrute calling. Listen a little question for you, buddy. I called six minutes ago and no one answered. So I was wondering if you could explain. Oh, I see, so. Sounds like you're too sick to come into work but your well enough to go to the pharmacy.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6503
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Dwight
There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6504
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Michael
It's Grrrrrrape! Soda.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6505
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Jim
Tony the tiger. You don't hear that much any more.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6506
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Michael
Not so much.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6507
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Dwight
Ok, what is going on here?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6508
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Michael
Nothing.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6509
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Dwight
Oh, really nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6510
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Michael
Fact: I love grape soda. I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6511
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Dwight
Ok. So what is the secret Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6512
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Jim
Um, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6513
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Dwight
Is that true?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6514
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Michael
Um, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah it is.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6515
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Dwight
Thank you Michael. I know your telling the truth.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6516
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Michael
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6517
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Dwight
I can tell. I won't let you down.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6518
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Michael
Good.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6519
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Jim
Thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6520
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Michael
Whooo, nice. That was, that was slick. What are you doin' for lunch?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6521
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Jim
I don't know probably just gonna eat my ham and cheese sandwich in the break room.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6522
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Michael
Oh nonsense, no way, no. Why don't, why don't I take you out to lunch? My treat.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6523
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Jim
No, that's alright, thank you though. It's, I, gotta do some cleaning, should probably stick around here.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6524
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Michael
Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic order some 'za. Talk about you know who.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6525
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Jim
Oh, ah, no but no. You know what let's go out. That was a good idea. Let's go out.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6526
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Michael
I know just he place.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6527
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Michael
Oh man, you should order milk. Get it?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6528
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Michael
Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6529
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Michael
Oh, here we go, here we go. Bogy at 3 o'clock. Hi.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6530
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Dana
Hey I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6531
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Michael
We're not worthy. We're not worthy. Hello Dana, I am Michael and this is Jim and we are brothers.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6532
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Jim
Nope we're not brothers.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6533
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Michael
I'm his boss actually. And I treat him well. I'm taking him out to lunch cause I can afford it and he can have whatever he wants.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6534
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Jim
Can I just have the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6535
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Dana
And for you?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6536
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Michael
Tell me Dana, how is your chicken breast?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6537
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Dana
Oh, it's great. It's served with our world famous wing sauce.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6538
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Michael
Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6539
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Dana
Is that what you really want?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6540
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Michael
No, I'm gonna have the gourmet hot dog.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6541
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Dana
Great.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6542
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Dwight
Who took all the black ones?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6543
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Pam
That's a communal bowl.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6544
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Dwight
So, how did Oscar sound when he called in?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6545
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Pam
Sick, like lots of sniffling. I don't know.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6546
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Dwight
Sniffling how?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6547
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Pam
Umm. How many different ways are there to sniffle?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6548
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Dwight
Three.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6549
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Pam
Ok, it was the second one.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6550
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Dwight
Ok, good, thank you. That wasn't so hard now was it?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6551
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Pam
Nuh-uh.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6552
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Michael
What do you like best about Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6553
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Jim
Uh, I really don't want to talk about it.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6554
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Michael
Is it her boobs, or...
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6555
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Jim
Um, she's easy to talk to I guess and she's got a really good sense of humor.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6556
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Michael
Really?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6557
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Jim
Uh-huh.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6558
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Michael
Never get's any of my jokes.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6559
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Jim
What about you?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6560
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Michael
Her boobs, definitely.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6561
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Jim
Wow, that's not what I meant.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6562
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Dana
Here you go.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6563
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Michael
Oh, thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6564
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Dana
And I understand we have a birthday today.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6565
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Michael
Ohhh happy birthday Jim!
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6566
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Dana
Ready girls? Front side.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6567
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Hooter's Girls
You put your front side in; you put your front side out. You put your front side in and shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. Whoo, hoo!
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6568
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Jim
Thank you.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6569
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Michael
Woo! Yeah!
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6570
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Jim
Thanks, thanks Dana.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6571
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Michael
Thank you very much.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6572
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Michael
Hilarious. Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6573
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Pam
What did you guys talk about?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6574
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Jim
Just you know politics, literature.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6575
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Pam
I hate you.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6576
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Dwight
Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6577
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Michael
Just go to his house and see if he's sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6578
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Dwight
Including prep time?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6579
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Michael
Just do it.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6580
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Ryan
If I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6581
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Michael
Expenses.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6582
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Kevin
Michael is that a wig?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6583
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Michael
No. It's... I wear it like that sometimes. Is that a wig?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6584
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Kevin
No.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6585
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Angela
This is from Hooters.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6586
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Michael
Yeah, it's a business lunch.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6587
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Angela
Did Toby approve this?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6588
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Michael
No he did not. I don't need his permission.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6589
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Toby
You just got your corporate credit card back. Do you really want me to take it away again?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6590
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Michael
Uhhh it's ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent $80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6591
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Michael
I put a cigarette through a freakin' quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6592
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Toby
I'm not processing this.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6593
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Michael
Look Jim needed a relaxing lunch, he has been depressed and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work related?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6594
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Toby
He seems fine to me.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6595
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Michael
You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6596
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Kelly
Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6597
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Phyllis
Angela who would you choose Jim or Roy?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6598
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Angela
It's nobody's business, Phyllis. Roy.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Quote 6599