Every line from The Office season 2, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 19, 2006.
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Kevin
Jim has got it bad for Pam.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6600
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Creed
Oh ho! Which one is Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6601
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Kevin
Well she's the... Hey Michael so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6602
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Michael
You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6603
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Dwight
As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I have been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was, with a couple of guys actually so... mystery solved.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6604
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Kelly
Jim, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on Pam?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6605
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Jim
Well the cats out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam and now I don't. Riveting.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6606
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Kevin
Nice... she is
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6607
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Pam
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6608
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Jim
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6609
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Pam
Did you find anything good in your desk?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6610
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Jim
Ah, coupon for a free sandwich.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6611
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Pam
Score.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6612
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Jim
It expired in August, and my cell phone charger from two years ago.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6613
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Pam
Big day.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6614
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Jim
Big day.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6615
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Jim
Hey oh, listen, um, I told Michael on the booze cruise. It's so stupid. Um, I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6616
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Pam
Oh.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6617
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Jim
Well I thought that, I figured you should hear it from me rather than, I mean you know Michael.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6618
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Pam
Right.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6619
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Jim
And seriously, it's totally not a big deal, ok? And when I found out you were engaged, I mean.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6620
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Pam
No, I know, like, I kind of like, I thought that maybe you did when I first started.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6621
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Jim
Oh you did?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6622
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Pam
No, I mean, just 'cause we like got along so well.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6623
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Jim
No, no, you saw through me, great.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6624
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Pam
So are you going to be like totally awkward around me now?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6625
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Jim
Oh yeah, yeah... hope that's okay.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6626
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Pam
Mmm, hmm.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6627
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Jim
And Pam it was like three years ago so I am totally over it.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6628
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Pam
Cool.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6629
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Jim
Ok.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6630
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Dwight
Stay low... This is it... There he is. He's been gone for at least two hours. Who is that? Come to Papa... Oh yes. Let's roll. I knew it! You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6631
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Gil
Who's this?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6632
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Dwight
This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6633
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Gil
Gil.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6634
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Oscar
Are you going to tell Michael?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6635
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Dwight
How bout this. I don't tell Michael and in exchange you owe me one great big giant favor. Redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6636
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Dwight
Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance. Hmm, probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6637
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Jim
Hey.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6638
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Michael
I know, I know, I know.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6639
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Jim
Umm, what happened?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6640
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Michael
I, oh, just, um, I know I was trying to, expense reports. And then God, Toby, you know he just... I know. I'm just, I just hope that, I just hope that this doesn't affect our friendship! Stupid, this is so stupid.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6641
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Jim
Hey, hey, wow, wow. Listen man it's, you know what. It's not a big deal.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6642
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Michael
Ok, I'm fine, no I know, I'm good, I'm good, it's just.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6643
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Jim
Look its one day, everything's gonna be alright. No big deal. You good?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6644
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Michael
Yeah I'm good.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6645
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Jim
Good.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6646
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Ryan
Creed did you organize the menu book?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6647
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Creed
Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6648
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Ryan
No, that was mandatory.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6649
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Creed
Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6650
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Pam
Hey, here's your schedule for next week. Are you okay?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6651
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Michael
Yeah I'm fine. Look, about you and Jim.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6652
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Pam
Oh, no, that's, you don't have to.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6653
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Michael
No, I feel it's my responsibility as your boss slash friend.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6654
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Pam
No, really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like a crush on me when he first started. But that was a long time ago, so.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6655
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Michael
It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6656
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Pam
Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6657
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Michael
Yehhh, okay, shuuttt it Michael. I'm done. That's it. I'm out.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6658
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Jim
Ready?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6659
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Pam
Yep.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6660
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Michael
People are always coming to me. 'Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust.' No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a... Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call... More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't, I don't want to live like that. I like it here. I don't want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6661
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Michael
Hello. Pammy want a cracker?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6662
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Pam
No thanks. You got a package.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6663
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Michael
Oh, Pam with the dirty talk.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6664
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Dwight
And he's lining it up. Seems pretty straightforward from here. If Michael Scott sinks it, he'll win a Buick signed by Tiger Woods.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6665
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Michael
Oh!
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6666
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Dwight
He totally misses,
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6667
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Michael
No, he meant to put it right next to the hole, that's much harder to do.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6668
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Dwight
Interception. He shoots, he scores, yeah! Michael, try it like this. This'll be much harder.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6669
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Michael
No, no, no, no. I don't want to chip my mug. Please get that off the floor.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6670
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Michael
All right. Jack Nicholson for birdie.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6671
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Dwight
Jack Nicholas.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6672
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Michael
It's a celebrity tournament.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6673
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Dwight
I got it. No problem.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6674
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Michael
Do you see it?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6675
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Dwight
Oh, man, it's really back there.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6676
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Michael
Do you feel it?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6677
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Dwight
Yeah. I can barely...
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6678
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Michael
God... damn it, Dwight! That's great.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6679
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Dwight
Should I clean out my desk?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6680
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Michael
That won't be necessary.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6681
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Dwight
Don't be fooled by the phrase 'dust bunnies.' They are vicious little bitches and if they get inside your disc drive, God help you. They will bring your computer to its knees. They sit in corners hatching, defecating, laying eggs. And their sole purpose in life is to eat dead skin, which humans in this office shed by the boat load. Especially Creed.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6682
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Michael
Look at all them out there, my little worker bees buzzing away.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6683
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Dwight
If they're the worker bees, you're the Queen bee.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6684
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Michael
No, I am the King bee,
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6685
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Dwight
Queen's higher.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6686
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Michael
No, King is higher. Then Ace. I am the Ace bee.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6687
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Ryan
People Magazine, crossword puzzle, keep or toss?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6688
-
Michael
Keep. I will finish that later.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6689
-
Ryan
It's from '99.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6690
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Michael
Yeah, I know when it's from, Ryan.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6691
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Ryan
18 across. Mary-Kate and Ashley blank.' Michael wrote, 'Judd?'
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6692
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Michael
Yeah, I rushed a few fraternities, but you know what? I don't believe in paying for friendships. So, I made a decision not to accept any offers. And fortunately none were made. Which was good, so nobody's feelings got hurt.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6693
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Dwight
Temp, shouldn't you be monitoring the progress of people's cleaning efforts?
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6694
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Ryan
Everything seems pretty much under control.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6695
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Dwight
Yeah. Well, I'd hate to see it blow up in your face.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6696
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Ryan
How would...
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6697
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Dwight
Let's table that. So, temp... You seem to be pretty close to this Oscar.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6698
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Ryan
Not really.
Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6699