"The Secret" Quotes

Every line from The Office season 2, episode 13, in script order. First aired January 19, 2006.

312 quotes · page 1 of 4

  1. Jim

    Not much what's up with you?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6400

  2. Pam

    Oh, I can not believe I fell for that. Oh, my God.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6401

  3. Michael

    Ah, ah, ah, what? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6402

  4. Jim

    Umm, is it me or does it smell like up-dog in here?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6403

  5. Michael

    What's up-dog?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6404

  6. Jim

    Nothin' much what's up with you?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6405

  7. Michael

    Oh, oh, wow! I walked right into that. Oh, that's brilliant!

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6406

  8. Michael

    Hey, Stanley, is that jacket make of up-dog?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6407

  9. Stanley

    I'm on the phone.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6408

  10. Michael

    Mmm, what flavour coffee is that? Up-dog?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6409

  11. Ryan

    What's that?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6410

  12. Michael

    I don't know, nothin', what's up with you?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6411

  13. Ryan

    Huh?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6412

  14. Michael

    No, damn it!

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6413

  15. Kevin

    What does that mean?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6414

  16. Michael

    What does what mean?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6415

  17. Kevin

    The thing you just said?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6416

  18. Michael

    Just forget it.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6417

  19. Michael

    Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like up-dog?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6418

  20. Dwight

    What's up-dog?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6419

  21. Michael

    Gotcha! Oh, God. Crap! Nothin' how ya doing?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6420

  22. Dwight

    Good. How are you doing?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6421

  23. Jim

    So close.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6422

  24. Michael

    Damn it.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6423

  25. Michael

    Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin. And yes I know its January. I am not an idiot. But, if you do your Spring cleaning in January; guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say that an empty desk means a...

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6424

  26. Dwight

    Empty mind.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6425

  27. Michael

    No, that's not... no, that's not what I was going to say.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6426

  28. Dwight

    Meredith, men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. They're worn down. Kevin file drawers. Angela kitchen. Oscar dusting. Where is Oscar?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6427

  29. Angela

    He's out sick.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6428

  30. Dwight

    That's unacceptable.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6429

  31. Angela

    I agree it's unacceptable.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6430

  32. Kevin

    Whhh... What are you guys doing?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6431

  33. Dwight

    Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6432

  34. Michael

    Yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6433

  35. Dwight

    Oscar is out sick.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6434

  36. Michael

    On a Friday?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6435

  37. Dwight

    Can I do some of the talking?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6436

  38. Michael

    I will do all the talking.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6437

  39. Dwight

    Ok, let him know that I'm here.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6438

  40. Oscar

    Hello.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6439

  41. Michael

    What difference does it make whether your here?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6440

  42. Oscar

    Hello?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6441

  43. Michael

    Hi, Oscar its Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6442

  44. Dwight

    And Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6443

  45. Michael

    Yechh, yeah, um, heard you were under the weather?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6444

  46. Oscar

    Yeah I think I came down with the flu.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6445

  47. Michael

    Really? Oh, that is a shame. You know it's cleaning day here today? Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6446

  48. Oscar

    Yeah, I feel terrible about it.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6447

  49. Dwight

    Ask him his symptoms. I'm on Web M.D.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6448

  50. Michael

    What are your symptoms?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6449

  51. Oscar

    I have the chills.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6450

  52. Michael

    Umm, hmmm.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6451

  53. Oscar

    I feel nauseous and my heads killing.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6452

  54. Dwight

    Checks out.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6453

  55. Oscar

    Michael is there anything you need from me? I'd like to go back to bed.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6454

  56. Michael

    I need you to go back to bed. I need you to get better. See you Monday. Unless you're still sick. So have a great long weekend.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6455

  57. Oscar

    I'll just be sleep---

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6456

  58. Dwight

    Ok. First impressions?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6457

  59. Michael

    He sounded sick.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6458

  60. Dwight

    Which is exactly how you'd wanna sound like if you wanted someone to think you were sick.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6459

  61. Michael

    That's exactly what I was thinking.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6460

  62. Dwight

    Question? May I investigate?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6461

  63. Michael

    Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6462

  64. Pam

    I bought my veil.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6463

  65. Kelly

    Oh my God! That is so exciting! Can I be a bridesmaid?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6464

  66. Pam

    Ummm...

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6465

  67. Kelly

    Listen, you don't have to answer now. But how are you going to do your hair?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6466

  68. Pam

    Ok. I was thinking about wearing it down. Kind of like, I don't know, like loose with big curls and...

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6467

  69. Kelly

    You'd look like an angel. I'm seriously going to cry.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6468

  70. Michael

    Wowweee. Mikey likey. Why don't you wear your hair like that all the time. It's much sexier. Man, this must be torture for you.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6469

  71. Jim

    Yeah. On the booze cruise I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple drinks. And I confided in the world's worst confidant.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6470

  72. Jim

    Hey Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6471

  73. Michael

    Hey Jim-bag.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6472

  74. Jim

    Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? That... was... personal so if we can just keep that between you and me. That would be great.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6473

  75. Michael

    Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6474

  76. Jim

    Umm, hmm.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6475

  77. Michael

    Who else knows?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6476

  78. Jim

    Nobody.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6477

  79. Michael

    Wow!

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6478

  80. Michael

    Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6479

  81. Michael

    My lips are sealed. My lips are sealed... Bangles.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6480

  82. Jim

    Alright. Great. Thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6481

  83. Michael

    Can you hear me, they talk about us...

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6482

  84. Dwight

    Listen Temp. I am conducting a little investigation so I'm no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6483

  85. Ryan

    Yeah, I think I can handle it.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6484

  86. Dwight

    Do you

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6485

  87. Ryan

    I think.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6486

  88. Dwight

    Oh God, here.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6487

  89. Michael

    Hey, whatcha gettin'?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6488

  90. Jim

    I'm going with grape.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6489

  91. Michael

    Ah, good stuff, good stuff. Did you see the game last night?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6490

  92. Jim

    Which one?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6491

  93. Michael

    Any of em? So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the 'P' situation?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6492

  94. Jim

    I don't know what you mean.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6493

  95. Michael

    P-A-M. P-A

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6494

  96. Jim

    Uh, uh, ok.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6495

  97. Michael

    No it's okay, we're talking code.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6496

  98. Stanley

    What is?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6497

  99. Michael

    Listen Stanley. How long does it take you to pick out a soda?

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6498

  100. Jim

    I'm going to take off actually.

    Season 2 · Episode 13 · Line 6499